sub-burbs

Today was my first session with Mistress Trecia and, having not really known what to expect going in, I must say I ended up high as a kite from my time in subspace afterwards.

The session basically consisted of me naked and on my knees in front of a web cam with Mistress Trecia on the phone giving me orders in that sultry voice of hers that drives me completely crazy.  I was unbelievably self-conscious and nervous, both for being naked in front of a stranger (and from two states away, no less) but also because I’m not very comfortable with my current weight.  I had also not put myself into the hands of a Domme in any way in almost 10 years, so there were some trust issues brewing as well.

I was partially afraid that a virtual session would not pack the same punch as a real-life one and I’d therefore not be able to reach the blissful place I go in my head.  While the feelings didn’t start out that intensely, I was completely overwhelmed about half-way through and I hit that sweet spot where nothing exists except Mistress and me.  I’d forgotten how amazing that can feel and just got completely lost in that moment, kneeling, exposed, eyes closed, stroking my cock, Mistress whispering into my ear asking how it felt to be wholly and completely hers.  Just…..wow.

The one absolute horror of the session arrived when I realized I wouldn’t be physically able to cum.   Mistress Trecia gave me the green light to cum into a glass for her (an act that I was sure would lead someplace interesting), but I just couldn’t do it.  Some combination of stage fright, the intense emotions I was feeling, and Zoloft all conspired to deny me the release I’ve been seeking for a week now.  (As a daily devotion, Mistress Trecia has had me stroke to just before the point of cumming twice per day.  Needless to say, my body is aching for that sweet release.)  Of course,  Mistress didn’t mind and, in many ways, it sounded like she enjoyed my being pathetic and humiliated almost as much as allowing me to have a reward.

She also wanted me to chat after the session to describe what I was feeling to talk it out (a process Mistress referred to as "postcare").  To me, this is just one more thing that separates Mistress Trecia from a mere phone sex operator and proves to me that being a Domme and Goddess is just as much a part of her being as serving as a sub is to mine.

At the end of our talk, we got to the discussion about money and my contribution.  I’d been dreading that to some degree as my past experiences have never involved payment.  (I’m not laying down one of those "I’ve never paid of it" vibes - just stating a fact.  FWIW, I have paid for just about everything but including a memorable soapy sandwich with two Thai girls during my last visit to Pattaya Beach.)  In the past, I’ve either acted as a service sub (doing small jobs and/or technical work as my devotion) or just been a plaything that would be willing to go to parties and out in public "in role".  (Basically, sitting at a Domme’s feet with a collar and leash, giving foot rubs, and fetching drinks on demand.)  

Any hesitation vanished, however, on the reflection that she’s done more for my mental health in the past week than I’ve been able to achieve in 30 years with 5 different shrinks.  (She even discussed helping me work through some of the childhood trauma inflicted upon me by my mother, something that I’ve never been offered or even considered.)  I plan to do some number crunching tonight and come up with a retainer plan that will make Mistress happy and leave me enough money to buy her gifts throughout the year to show my appreciation for reawakening this long dormant part of my sexuality.

All in all, any regrets I felt venturing into this relationship have faded and I’m willingly allowing myself to be pulled deeper into my role at Mistress’s whim.  It’s only going to get more interesting from here…

You have to start somewhere, and that where is here. My Mistress asked me to start this blog to record my journey deeper and deeper into her world. I’ll post more on our meeting later and while some general information is available on the About page, more details about my background will also be forthcoming. Welcome. It’s sure to be an interesting ride…