Starting a FemDom marriage in the Vanilla Kingdom


I’m going to pause from my history lesson to talk a little bit about subpace.

When I was a young kid (around 7 years old), I was pulled out of class and sent into a room for some "special testing".  It was unlike any other test I had ever taken - for one question, you had to take a page filled with outlines of eggs and turn them into as many different things as possible, for example.  The results of those tests caused my parents to take me for more private testing, doing mazes and solving logic problems for a nice lady in a lab coat.  I didn’t know it at the time, but those tests would shape a large part of my childhood.

As you’ve probably guessed, it seems (at least on paper) that my brain is wired a little differently than the average person’s.  While that may sound like life potential personified (or me just being a pompous ass), it actually just became an excuse for my parents to constantly tell me I wasn’t doing well enough at anything. 

As I got older, my mind started to get….well, cluttered for lack of a better word.    I always had various things cooking on my mental burner all at the same time, from writing code, kicking around ideas for another novel, running though movie quotes, trying to remember the name of the cute girl that rode on my bus to school, and so on.  These days, I can’t even get to sleep without listening to an MP3 podcast so I can quiet enough of the thoughts so I can sleep.

My first inkling of "subspace" came during a session with Mistress Debbie.  I was bound firm across the back of a sawhorse and she was trying out her impressive array of paddles on my ass.  The pain I was feeling and desire to perform well for Mistress started to have an interesting effect on me.  It started to occur to me that the only thing I really could do at that moment was feel and experience what was happening right then - the click of Mistress’s high heels on the concrete, the whooshing of the paddle as she came in for a hit, the dusty smell of the garage mixed with Mistress’s perfume, the sting and warmth of my ass checks from the punishment.

I couldn’t move and there was no decision I could have made that would have changed the situation for me.  The only action I could take was to feel  and the only single thing that mattered was if Mistress was happy.

The realization did something unbelievable - it started to quiet my mind.  It was like having 20 radios all tuned to different stations and then suddenly having 19 of them fade out leaving only one delicate strain of beautiful music.  That singular thinking, being stuck in a solitary thought so utterly and completely focused was something I had never really experienced before.

The feeling only lasted for a few seconds and I completely dismissed it at the time.  It wasn’t until later that I learned to find that place under the expert tutelage of Mistress Natalie, learning to seek that place out pushing myself into subspace where I could just experience and savor each moment in time and set my mind to the only task that mattered, serving Mistress with all of my being.

I’m planning to write more about subspace going forward and it’s importance to me and this current journey I’m on to reclaim the missing pieces of my sexuality.  Hopefully, I’ll be able to do the experience justice with mere words.

1 Comment so far

  1. MWK January 23rd, 2007 2:11 pm

    Now what does the arrival of subspace say about you…

    does that mean you like inescapable bondage paired with a sound spanking and Mistress Debbie’s perfume?

    I wonder if spanking did ABSOLUTELY nothing for you, would you have been able to achieve the peaceful connected feelings that accompany subspace or would you have just become irritated and uncomfortable? Or if you HATED Debbie’s perfume, would you have become nauseous?

    Things that make me wonder… and podcast.

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