Starting a FemDom marriage in the Vanilla Kingdom

History - Master Allen (Updated)

While in service to Mistress Debbie, she confessed to me one day that she was actually a "switch", a person who likes to explore both roles in the D/s relationship.  Since I was her favorite plaything at the time, she told me that she planned to mentor me in an effort to bring out my inner Dom and scratch her own submissive itch.

Thus, Master Allen was born.

Mistress Debbie theorized (and I agreed) that my Dom persona should be separate and distinct from my normal sub state, so she named him with my middle name and started helping find what she was sure was right under the surface.  (Once again, this should have been another clue that Mistress Debbie and I weren’t meshing at all.)

So, in the interest of exploration, I delved deep down inside myself looking for "that guy", the leather wearing, cruel Master wanting nothing more than to get women in a compromising position and exploit them into doing whatever he wanted.

Unexpectedly, I found him in there, but that persona was orbiting a core of pure pain and raw, horrible emotion. 

I’m assuming my inner Dom exists due to the semi-consensual abuse I suffered at the hands of my Scoutmaster when I was younger mixed with all of the abuse I suffered at the hand of my mother.  Whatever created it was black, dark, and dense, a solid core of all the things I had worked so hard not   to be.

Mistress Debbie and I did some minor playing to warm up, but eventually she said i was ready to plan and take on a whole session.  I started by having "deb" kneel at the end of the bed and lay onto the mattress bent at the waist.  I secured her wrists with ropes tied to the headboard so she was stretched forward and then tied her knees spread on the floor so she wouldn’t be able to close them.

I took a flogger I had bought especially for the occasion and started whipping her back and ass, something which deb really responded to.  Then, I took an industrial strength vibrator and held it against her cilt while I spanked her bare-handed.  When she was good and warmed up, I moved forward and shoved my cock into her without any warning causing her to gasp and try to move back against me.  After a few thrusts, I took the vibrator and shoved it into her ass.

deb’s reaction was electric   and she started to go absolutely crazy.  Between her reaction and the vibrator (which I could feel from inside her), I quickly was able to cum and then completely pulled out leaving her hanging.

Then, something…..odd…..happened.

I started to flog her again, but I found myself consumed by a rage I can’t begin to explain.  I had a desire to inflict intense pain just make deb suffer, an over-the-top feeling that overwhelmed me to the point where I stopped the session and untied deb.  She immediately attacked me and we had a nice moment of consensual sex, but afterwards we discussed what I was going through.

Mistress Debbie seemed to think it was no big deal, but it felt like I was channeling pure evil.  As I’m writing this, I’m wondering if maybe that is the opposite of subspace that I was feeling, but I can’t imagine that’s the case.  This was something that I didn’t want inside me, something that I couldn’t imaging being able to keep restrained on a leash during a session.  In other words, a horrible menace.

That entire experience scared the shit out of me and convinced that some things were meant to stay buried.   (Thank you, Indiana Jones, for another important life lesson.)

Update:  Mistress read my blog post and had some amazing comments on it,

First, she said that "dark, black, and dense" are three words that should never describe Topspace.  We both agreed that those feelings were the condensed pain of my childhood brought to the surface in one, giant push.  She also said that Mistress Debbie should have been nurturing me, help me to become who I am supposed to be and seeing me for who I was, but instead was forcing me to take a role that was a completely different person (with a different name, no less). 

Even though I was wielding that flogger, it was still her in control calling the shots pushing me to be something I’m not by channeling all of the horrible energy from my darkest times.  Ick.

I’ve actually wrestled with that event for quite a long time.  I’ve always been concerned that I was a borderline serial killer with this unmasked rage and violence lurking just below the surface.  Mistress Trecia said that we all   have that within us, but that because I’m aware of it I can control it instead of the other way around.

Once again, Mistress reached straight into my psyche and helped me deal with something that has severely haunted me that I needed to purge.  This is why I’ve become so devoted to her in such a short amount of time - she can see into my soul and understands me better than I understand myself. 

She has more intuition that all of the shrinks I’ve seen put together and is not afraid to be frank and candid nor to let me explore my deepest, darkest secrets and desires.  It’s only been three weeks, but I’m already eternally indebted to Mistress Trecia.

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