sub-burbs

After receiving Mistress’s wonderful gift, the one that that intrigued me more than anything (at least, in my aching, denied state) were the small, delicate scraps of Mistress’s used panties.

I have never  been what I would consider to be a "panty boy".  Sniffing a women’s panties seemed degrading to both parties and something that was in the realm of peeping toms or other voyeuristic pleasure seekers.  I could never understand the appeal.

All that changed last night.

I asked Mistress as soon as I saw the "little taste" she had sent to me if I could use one during my daily denial devotion that evening and she agreed.

That night, I stripped and got my lube and MP3 player ready for the night’s "edge play", pushing myself as far but not further as a sign of my devotion Mistress.  I normally kneel at the side of the bed as if in prayer, mainly because I can bury my face into the mattress to quiet my frustrated groans as I stroke myself further into aching denial.

Before I started, I carefully unwrapped one of the treasures, a small piece of maroon fabric that had once lain across Mistress’s most private of spots.  I placed it into the mattress in front of me and proceeded to begin stroking my cock.  I then did the one thing I never expected of myself - I lowered my face to the mattress, burying my nose into the soft cottony scrap.

I’ve been stewing about this for almost 24 hours now, but the experience is still very hard to describe.  First, the smell was very delicate and faint, but still very distinct, the mixture of Mistress’s perfume and her own musky remnants becoming very powerful.  Between my mind filled with our talk earlier in the day, my buzz over Mistress’s gifts, her voice (recorded) in my ear, and my sense of smell permeated with her, I felt an almost physical connection to Mistress.  I could almost fully picture myself in her service, her panty-covered sacred temple pressed against my face as my oral service was demanded (through the panties, of course, as I was not nearly worthy enough for anything more), her hand expertly teasing me with no release in sight, her voice in my ear proclaiming her ownership and my completely inability to resist her.

When I let go of my cock, I actually shuddered for a few minutes, aching in frustration and at the overpowering feeling of being in Mistress’s presence, even in that limited virtual state.

First, I’m starting to find myself lusting after feet and legs for the first time in my life, but now Mistress has turned me into a complete panty slut with almost no effort at all.  I’m loving the feelings and the overall perverted decadence of it all, but I am also still shocked that I’m so malleable to Mistress’s each and every tiny whim. 

Last week, I sent a package to Mistress containing a number of goodies including books I thought she would enjoy (especially given our common tastes), some of her favorite coffee, and some other items she had requested.  As I was putting it together, Mistress asked me to include a return shipping box and label because she wanted to send me something as well.

I received the package on Friday morning but had explicit instructions not to open it until she could share the experience.  I was also told that the package would need to be opened in private, so I booked a conference room at work for a "web conference" and made sure to put a big "do not disturb" sign on the door.

Once the web cam and phone connection was made, Mistress let me open the box and was just blown away by its contents.

[Edit:  Pictures removed 5/3/2007 at the request of Mistress Trecia]

First up were some books about reflexology (the ancient art of empowering the body and mind through manipulation of the feet, hands, and face) and massage.  I’m a horrible novice at massage, but Mistress has made it clear that it is something she enjoys and that will be expected of me during my service.  The one kit pictured here includes flash cards of reflexology routines and a DVD for study.  I’m hoping to pick up enough in two months to do the art justice during my trip to meet Mistress in person.

The next thing out of the box immediately intrigued me.  After getting so completely aroused as my cock burned with toothpaste, Mistress branded me as a "pain slut".  I’ve heard the term before, but never really applied it to myself.  It does, however, completely fit.  The "torture kit" came complete with two lengths of rope (hand dyed by Mistress, no less), two mousetraps with "painslut" written on them in glitter (glup ), a few clothespins, some rubber bands, hair clips, a packet of salt (that can’t  be good) and a 9-volt battery (to be used, according to one of her audio teases, on the underside of the cock head as you get close to the edge).

Next up was something I’m calling the "humiliation and marking kit".  Inside are a Sharpie (which I’m assuming is for marking Mistress’s property (i.e. me), a pink disposable razor (funny enough, I bought a special ladies razor for keeping my cock and balls shaved per Mistress’s instructions which also happens to be pink), a shot glass (for catching my cum when I am allowed to release and, most likely, for drinking it afterwards), two pairs of panties (Mistress assured me they are clean and are for me to wear when she feels I am ready) and a length of pink ribbon (which I’m assuming will be tied in an especially humiliating place).

Next up was a real treat - small slivers of Mistress’s worn panties.  I’ve never  been a "panty slut" or been excited by the thought of sniffing women’s panties, but I’d be lying if I said the thought of these being so close to Mistress’s sacred spot was incredibly exciting.  I asked Mistress if I could use one of these in my devotion that night and she agreed.  (More on that in my next post… )

Other items included Seductress by Betsy Prioleau (about how women through history have wielded their sexual and seductive power to help women today discovered their inner Goddess) [Mistress said that this will help me understand the Domme role and also to understand my attraction to powerful women), a shoe-shaped notepad (which Mistress said was to help encourage my increasing foot fetish), a Hershey’s Kiss (the only kind of kiss Mistress was able to ship), and a selection of stroking lubes which included a small tub of Mistress’s own Devil Spit concoction (a mixture of lotion and Icy Hot).

Finally (and most touching) was the beautiful handwritten note scented with Mistress’s perfume and signed with a lipstick kiss.  I’ve blocked the majority of the text, but the last line ("I am gonna keep you!") had me beaming all day.  (I also thought the sexy Betty Page envelopes were a really nice touch.)

I was completely blown away by the generosity of Mistress’s gift and overwhelmed by the mix of erotic, sensual touching, and downright scary.  This also gives me my first physical connection with Mistress which is making our bond even stronger.  As each day passes, I find myself falling further and further under her spell and and longing for the time to pass so I can kneel at her feet in person and properly show my devotion.

When I started this blog at the request of Mistress Trecia, I never knew that I would fill it so prolifically and that so much of my history, pain, and devotion would come spilling out onto the page all at once.  It’s been an especially cathartic experience for me as my D/s experiences are woven into a really horrible time in my life which sometimes makes my feelings and motives unclear even to myself.  I’m also reawakening a part of myself that I’ve tried to hard to keep dormant which is causing me great joy but also making me question everything else in my life as who I am now is the direct result of that batch of decisions I made 9 years ago.

With that said, I am loving having such a great outlet to write after a long dry spell.  (My previous personal blog halted abruptly in April 2006 without any further update.) 

This week, Mistress Trecia honored me in her podcast, first mentioning my work on her MySpace page and how much she enjoys it, but then also for naming me Blog of the Week and broadcasting my URL so her listeners could come find me. 

I was also especially honored with another incredibly special reward late last week - Mistress allowed me to watch her on webcam and listen to her record some audio content for her site.  I’m a former Photographer and was always amazed at how some people just can’t be captured in still pictures.  After watching Mistress for just a brief period of time, it was clear that her beauty and grace is not given justice in still life.  I spent most of the time I was allowed to watch captivated by her smile, something that starts in the traditional place but ends up lighting up her entire face and making her eyes sparkle so brightly. 

It’s enough to completely cement my desire to make Mistress happy, just for the reward of seeing her radiant smile shining down on me.