Starting a FemDom marriage in the Vanilla Kingdom

Archive for February, 2007

…And She Taketh Away

Yesterday, I mentioned how glowy I was over the picture Mistress sent me.  That night, she had a new assignment for me, but at the end of the assignment she ordered me to destroy the picture - delete all copies, no printouts, no backups, no Recycle Bin.

She said that she was only giving me a peek and would not allow me to objectify her.  I can completely understand that, but it still didn’t make it any easier to take my cherished gift and erase it.  Orders are orders, however, so I zapped it and scrubbed the disk space where it used to live so I couldn’t have a moment of weakness and try to recover it.  Mistress did say that if I keep up the good work, I might get to do more than look at her breasts at some point in the future.  I can only hope (and dream) that it will.

I had the day off today and, per Mistress’s instructions, was naked and working on the computer with my webcam activated to Mistress could pop in to keep tabs on me.  She did give me carte blanche to stroke today, so I took full advantage of her generosity.  During my second stroke session of the day, I saw the "Mistress is viewing your webcam" prompt on YIM followed by a string of LOLs from Mistress.  Busted!  After watching for a few minutes, she told me to get back to work.

A little while later, I was stroking again and she popped in with her usual perfect timing.  This time, she said "keep stroking".  When she arrived, I was just about to stop because I was right on the edge, so being forced to keep going was extremely difficult.  About 10 minutes later, I asked Mistress if I could pause, but didn’t receive a response.  Another 5 minutes went by, and I was desperate.  I started sending "please, Mistress" every couple of minutes until my cell phone rang.

Mistress immediately said "KNEEL!" and chastised me for pleading from my comfy spot on the couch.  After whimpering and pleading for a few minutes, she sternly said "CUM!  CUM NOW!" and, of course, seconds later I was spilling load after load onto my family room carpet.  I’ve learned by now to ask to stop, but Mistress said she wanted all of the cum I’ve been storing up and forced me to keep going, every nerve in my body on fire as I continued to stroke my super-sensitive cock. 

Finally, Mistress told me to stop and I had to brace myself against the floor as the room was spinning from the massive orgasm.  The last thing Mistress said before she hung up was "See, you never know what to expect with me."  Boy, is that ever true!

While it felt so  good to finally release, the thought dawned on me later that while I made it 17 days this time, I’m sure the next time will be even longer.  I hope I can continue to meet Mistress’s challenges as she continues to test and stretch my limits.

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I got the absolutely most wonderful gift today!

Mistress Trecia and I have discussed several times my love of the female bosom and I even confessed that I scoured every one of her pictures hoping for even the slightest peek of Goddess nipples.  Each time, Mistress said to never expect to see anything more than her fully-clothed glory.  Of course, she’d usually follow that with saying that she could  use a new shower slave and then laughing, knowing that my mind’s eye had picked up the image and was tormenting me with fantasies of her bared, wonderfully curvy body.

Today, I got the surprise of my life.  Mistress complimented me on the work I’ve been doing and said she was pleased with my devotions.  I then got a prompt from Yahoo Messenger that she was sharing a file with me.  I about dropped my coffee when I was greeted with a beautiful shot of Mistress’s bare breasts!  They are so incredibly beautiful, more so than I had ever imagined.

Mistress then went on to describe some ways she would torture me with her bare breasts, like tying me down and rubbing them against my cock, shoving her erect nipple into my urethra.  Needless to say, my cock became instantly rock hard and I had to slide down in my chair at work to hide the fact. 

I also started leaking massive amounts of pre-cum without a single touch.   (As of today, I haven’t released in 17 days and I’m aching badly, especially with this amount of over-stimulation.)  Mistress then told me to leave my desk immediately and stroke to the edge in the bathroom.  When I got in there, I noticed that the pre-cum had completely soaked my underwear and even leaked through my khakis!  (I really  hope no one at work noticed…)

In the bathroom, I was at the edge in less than a minute, but I had to sit in the stall with my throbbing cock bobbing in the air, trying to calm myself so that I wouldn’t look like a circus tent as I walked back to my desk.

Tomorrow, I have the day off and I’m supposed to have a naked work day for Mistress.  I can only imagine the torments that lie in store for me.  Of course, I’m sure tonight I will keep tormenting myself as I keep opening my special picture and resisting the urge for just one little stroke.


What, Me Worry?

On the heels of my worrying about living up to Mistress’s standards came a little something today that told me I was worrying over nothing.

Early this morning, Mistress Trecia IMed me to say that she had been in the emergency room all night because she had a door slammed on her hand.  Fortunately, nothing was broken, but she was hurting badly and asked if I’d post a message telling everyone what had happened, letting them know she would be scarce over the next few days, and saying that she needed flowers and gifts to help her feel better.

I immediately looked for a florist in her area (and found the wonderful folks at Bachmans) and posted that info along with my post.  I then placed my own order, sending Mistress a bouquet of flowers (asking them to include as many purple ones as possible since that was her color) and a box of chocolates (since chocolate fixes everything). 

A little while later, Mistress added this to my post:

You are SUCH a good boy! The arrangement is fucking gorgeous, and definitely made me smile. And once I calm my tummy (it’s a lil shaky due to the pain and pain medication), I will be ripping into those chocolates.

If any of you readers out there are curious about how to endear yourself to a Domme, you’d be well served studying my timidboy… he’s a VERY rare gem. I don’t know that I’ve ever been blessed with a better one, and I collect THE BEST!!!

I was so touched by those words and the anxiety I was holding onto finally disappeared.  I was also just glowing for the rest of the day, high on the praise and buzzing with the thought that I had pleased Mistress, even during her time of pain.

In most situations, you are not supposed to derive your own happiness from others.  (I’ve even plowed my way through books like "Codependent No More" in an effort to find my own happiness within myself.)  In subspace, however, this is one of the purest joys and manifestations of the D/s relationship.  Mistress calls me her puppy and pet, and that is exactly the vibe - roll over on cue and get a treat or a satisfying scratch behind the ear.  It’s that simple singular joy of successfully completing a task or just making Mistress smile that just makes me feel so good in a way that nothing else can.

My meeting with Mistress is now only a month away and I can’t wait to finally be able to serve at her feet, to see that radiant smile of hers, and to get the literal pat on the head when I fulfil her needs or succeed in one of her challenges.

That feeling is the one thing I missed most about subbing and something I cherish more than anything.

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Suffering & Stress

Mistress hit me with another tough assignment last night:  Stroke to the edge, then apply toothpaste and stroke for 15 minutes. 

I’ve finally embraced my status as pain slut, each hurt adding fire to the already burning desire within me, so I knew adding pain into the mix when I was already at the edge was going to be tough to handle.  Since I’ve been on strict "no touching" orders, I decided to take my time during the initial build-up to the edge.  I spent about 5 minutes stroking, enjoying the sensation, and dreading the next phase.

As expected, dropping the burning sting of toothpaste into the mix nearly put me over the edge by itself.  Of course, I then had to endure 15 more minutes of stroking.  There were a few close calls, but I managed to make it without spilling.  Now that the clock has stopped and I have no idea when I’m going to cum again, I’m actually handling things a little better.  I’m dug in for the (potentially) long haul and have found myself not watching the calendar as closely over the past few days.

The "stress" mentioned in the title above is due to my growing anxiety as my "real space" meeting with Mistress approaches.  (It’s just over a month away.)  I’ve started to get nervous about meeting Mistress in person.  I’m not afraid of being kidnapped (hot as that might be), but rather of disappointing Mistress.  Our relationship has taken place completely virtually and some part of me is worried that my real self will not live up to the on-line version. 

This isn’t because I’ve put forward a fake persona - my words here and actions toward Mistress have all been completely genuine.  I think it’s still some part of the picked on little kid deep inside me that is convinced I’m not good enough or don’t deserve this.  I know it’s silly, but despite being naked via webcam for Mistress on numerous occasions, the thought of doing it in person is nerve wracking beyond belief.

I know these anxieties will pass and that my affection and devotion for Mistress will immediately take over as soon as we meet, but for now they just add to the boiling soup that is my sexuality at the moment.

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If I Had A Hammer

Sorry if today’s post is a little short and all over the place - the storm that just landed on Chicago is causing our power to flicker, so I want to get this in before we go dark.

I spent the day today working on my bondage furniture project for Mistress Trecia.  The pieces I’m building are nice, full-sized pieces but fold up into compact storage size.  Once Mistress gets her "studio", I’ll probably end up building more permanent versions.

With just over a month to go before my "real space" meeting with Mistress, I have almost all of her gifts ready - I just have one left to purchase and the items I’m making are almost complete.  I am counting down the days and time seems to be slowing down.  It’s been so long since I’ve been in the presence of a Domme and can’t wait until I get to experience that exquisite feeling again.

As for my denial, today is day 14 and I’ve survived my payback for the birthday decadence I was allowed.  Mistress has already told me not to expect a release tonight and I’m okay with that.  I’m starting to come to terms (no pun intended) with T&D and will hold out as long as Mistress deems me worthy of it.  Rather than some arbitrary deadline, I’m now not watching the calendar so much and have the fun anxiety of not knowing if or when Mistress will decide she wants me to cum. 

I already have my assignment tonight (stroke with toothpaste for 15 minutes) and am then set to move back into the bedroom with my wife (we’ve been sleeping separately for some time now).  Every day as my life improves, as I discover new pieces of myself long buried, and as I endure Mistress’s exciting challenges, I think how fortunate I am that I stumbled upon her podcast at the beginning of this year.  Mistress has just done so much for me and I cherish our time together every day (even if it is just in the virtual sense).

Tomorrow, I’ll have a much more focused post.  The lights are getting even dimmer, so I’m going to hit "Publish" before we lose everything.

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I am currently in the act of balancing my marriage and my service to Mistress Trecia.  As I’m growing stronger and finally putting to rest some of the demons of my past, my relationship with my wife is going to improve.  (She’s already started to respond to the positive changes in me, something that’s even led to a discussion about sharing a bed on a full-time basis once again.) 

That means one thing:  at some point, I’m going to have to bring Mistress and my wife together and figure out the best to way to keep both of these women happy and in my life or deal with the consequences. 

In my recent talks with my wife about my sub side, it dawned on me that I have to start laying down the groundwork now for my desired outcome to gently lead my wife to the spot where I tell her everything and hope that she can see that this doesn’t have to be an either/or situation.

Today, I started the process of looking at some of the possible outcomes and decided to use this space to do a little thinking out loud.  I suppose it’s my military training that makes me pick apart problems like this, but it always helps me to see the potential outcomes before deciding which path to take.

Outcome:  Mistress Makes Three

I don’t know quite how to get there, but this is my "having cake / eating, too" scenario.  Basically, I convince my wife that Mistress is a positive influence on me and our marriage and the two work together to ensure my erotic servitude while I remain a committed family man.  My wife would gain the benefit of my being attentative (worshiping her and taking care of the household) while I would still get to remain married to my best friend and also serve my cherished Mistress.  In fact, I’ve fantasized about being locked in chastity with two keys, each held on a chain around the necks of these two amazing women.  Because of the horrible swinging experience in our past, This one would be a tough sell, but one that I’d really like to see happen.  Unfortunately, I can’t quite see the path from where we are now to this point.  I think if I reinforce that Mistress isn’t trying to steal me away (as she says, "I already have a husband.  Why would I want another one?") and show her what life could be like in this scenario, I might have a chance at making it happen.

Outcome:  Wife Steps Up

In this scenario, my wife realizes how important servitude is to me, but looks inside herself and finds her inner Domme.  (She runs this house, has me do most of the actual household work and shopping, and manages our finances.  She’s nearly a lifestyle Domme already.)  In this case, I’d love to see my wife become mentored by Mistress and continue to work with her.  Eventually, this would probably lead to me serving my wife exclusively as the new Domme in my life with Mistress remaining a cherished close friend.  As my wife has shunned all things BDSM and considered herself a sub when she dabbled in the scene, this is probably a long shot.  She it definitely an alpha woman, however, and I think with just a little introspection she would be able to embrace her own self and sexuality and blossom as a powerful, dominant woman.

Outcome:  Wife Kneels Down

This is the wild card of the bunch.  In a nutshell, my wife looks inside herself and fully embraces her sub side as well and we both  enter into devoted servitude to Mistress Trecia.  While this would be hot with a capital H-O-T, I just can’t see it happening.  If nothing else, the "girl-girl" hurdle would be a substantial issue for my wife and that alone probably makes this scenario impossible.

Outcome:  Secrets

This outcome would only be likely if I can’t summon the strength to come clean with my wife.  Basically, this is me continuing as I am now, keeping my wife from the real truth about Mistress and my devotion to her.  This is unfair to all parties - my wife because I’m keeping a major part of my life from her and not giving her the benefit of the doubt that she’d understand, Mistress because it would be impossible for me to completely turn my life over to her which shortchanges her, and me because I’m having to weigh myself down with the burden of not being able to open my life enough for Mistress while also carrying the guilt of lying to my wife.  No matter what, I need to find the strength to make sure this one doesn’t happen.

Outcome:  Reversion

This is another scenario that I can’t let happen.  In it, my wife gives me an ultimatum and I cave, burying my sub side once again and going back to my repressed, vanilla existence.  I refuse to do this as servitude is a part of my sexuality and one that I know now I can’t ignore.  I’ve known in some fashion or another since I was 8 years old that this is who I am and I won’t be forced to box up this big piece of myself.

Outcome:  Divorce

The flip side of the above scenario is that my wife and I realize that we just aren’t compatible and, after 16 years, call it quits.  Of the three scenarios where my wife doesn’t accept my rediscovered sexuality, this is the most harsh, but also the most likely.  If she can’t accept me as I am, as I have always been to some degree since the day we met, then I need to move on.  I’ve been so unhappy for so long trying to bury this important piece of myself that I need to stand up and defend it, even if it means losing my best friend and partner.

While I’ve thought up some other completely insane scenarios (like Mistress finding Jesus and joining a convent), one of the above six scenarios is where my life is most likely going to go in the near future.  It’s a little scary (okay - it’s a lot  scary), but I need to be true to myself even if that means making a major life change to do so.

My life now is pretty comfortable.  I’ve got a good job, a big house, great friends, and my wife and I are usually still good friends and (sometimes) lovers.  It would be so easy just to sit back and not rock the boat, enjoy my barbecues and video games, keep trying to have kids, and just basically keep living this comfy life.

The problem is that I know this isn’t who I really am.  In trying to be true to my wife and rebuilding myself to her specifications after hitting bottom, I’ve created this facade of White-Collar Suburban Dad that has become more of a cross to bear than a way to live.  This past month, I’ve found more happiness and joy rediscovering the lost, long buried pieces of myself, so much so that I’ve been able to completely stop taking my antidepressants since my only chemical imbalance was not respecting my own true identity.

The process to get where I need to be is going to suck wholesale, but I owe it to myself and to the people in my life to be honest, open, and strong enough to fulfill my own needs and embrace the real me. 

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Close To You

After all of the abuse my poor cock has taken over the past couple of weeks, Mistress decided to give me an exercise that would give it a break and instead let me meditate and feel close to her.

I was to strip, kneel by the bed with my hands clasped behind my back, and bury my face in her used panties (the ones she included in my goody bag) without any audio or other distractions.  During my nine-minute meditation and panty worship, I was to think of five words to describe my feelings and focus on them.  Afterwards, I was to write something based on those same words.

While it’s something I hadn’t done until I met Mistress Trecia, I’ve come to enjoy my assigned panty worship.  It’s an incredibly intimate thing and makes me feel incredibly close to Mistress.  With the added introspection of the assignment, I was about as close to being in her presence as I’ve ever been.

It took me a little while to clear my head, but once I was in the zone, the words came pretty easily.  I tried to find a mix that covered my feelings about Mistress personally as well as reflections about our relationship.  Here’s what I ended up with:

Beauty - Like all the words I chose, this one has a multitude of meanings.  I find Mistress extremely beautiful in body, mind, and spirit.  (Her smile is just electric .)  The feelings of subspace are also beautiful to me and she certainly knows how to lead me there.

Restrained - This one easily applies to the literal definition, even if my ties are self-tied at the moment.  (I’m counting the days until my "real space" meeting.)  I also chose this word because my life before I met Mistress I had restrained my submissiveness as I tried to ignore it as just a stupid fetish.

Released - First and foremost, thanks to Mistress I’ve released a great amount of baggage that was cluttering up my existence.  Between reclaiming my sexuality, making peace with my submissiveness, bettering my relationship with my wife, dealing with some of my childhood traumas, and getting off of antidepressants, I’ve released a great many things.  This also has meaning in the T&D space, since Mistress now owns my ability to "release" sexually.

Devotion - I have an incredibly strong devotion to Mistress, the strength of which surprises me given the very short time we’ve known each other.  Between the financial tributes, the assignments, my work as her project puppy, and even the "collar" (a thin leather lanyard holding a pendant in the shape of the Chinese symbol for "slave") I wear as a sign of her ownership are all ways I try to demonstrate and celebrate my devotion.  In turn, I think Mistress feels a devotion to me as her pet, honoring me with her wonderful gifts, her attention, and her wonderfully devious assignments.  She also has done a great deal to help me bury some of my personal demons, something that a less caring person would not bother to do.

Power - The core of our D/s relationship.  We’ve discussed this topic quite a bit since we first met and are of the same mind that subs who have a strength and power of their own and who willingly hand that over to their Domme are experiencing true power exchange.   Without something to "exchange", without being able to consciously choose to make that sacrifice and tribute, you’re just carrying your normal persona into BDSM play.  I also like this word because I feel Mistress’s power the same way you can feel the hair on your body stand up due to a static charge.  Mistress Trecia is a woman confident in her abilities, in herself, and in her sexuality and exudes that in everything she says and does. 

With my words chosen, I decided to write a short poem.  To emphasize the selected words, I decided that I would write one line for each word and that each line would end in one of the words.  This actually came together quite quickly and just felt right:

Kneeling before Her beauty
Vulnerable, restrained
Completely under Her power
She reaches inside my soul and my demons are released
I forever pledge my devotion

It makes me so happy that Mistress Trecia can not only control me sexually, but also engage me intellectually.  I’m thankful every day that our fates brought us together.

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Now I Get It

Mistress Trecia’s assignment from last night escalated yet again my current period of tease and denial.  This time, however, she decided to show me the other side of the T&D coin - chastity.

The three-part assignment didn’t seem like that big a deal.  First, I was to put on my chastity cage and lock it, then enjoy my favorite porn for 30 minutes.  Next, I was to insert the Aneros and use it for 15 minutes or until I thought I was reaching the point of no return.  Then, I was to unlock the cage, put on one of the pairs of panties that Mistress included in the goody bag, and go to bed.  As an afterthought, she told me to set up my webcam so she could watch.

I decided to set up shop in my bedroom since everything but the laptop and webcam were already there.  Things started out really well and I was able to get the cage on without any major issues.  Considering the trouble it gave me in the past, I was relieved that I didn’t have to fight with it.  I then started doing a little web surfing and pulling up movies I had stored on my laptop.  I immediately became rock hard, something that caused my cock to uncomfortably fill the cage.  In all the time I had previously worn it, I hadn’t experienced that and wasn’t prepared for the sensation. 

As the first 30 minutes continued, I had the overwhelming desire to touch myself.  Of course, reaching down just got me a handful of plastic.  I tried to shift it around a little to get some, even slight, rubbing in the right areas, but couldn’t get any satisfaction.  That’s when it dawned on me what locked chastity really  meant.  Many times when I’m edging, I have the thought that "if only I was in chastity, I wouldn’t have to worry about this", but the stroking is actually taking the edge off the ache of denial, even if for only a short time.  Not having any contact at all amplified the longing and, given that I was only locked away for just less than a full hour, made me finally understand the commitment and suffering that are a part of true locked chastity.

At the end of my surfing session, I set my laptop aside and inserted the Aneros.  (I noticed during the process that my cock was already a faucet of precum and I had left a huge damp spot in the middle of the bed where I was sitting.)

Then, I layed on my side, inserted the Aneros, and started the process of constricting and relaxing my anal muscles causing it to stroke in and out, massaging my prostate.  After about 5 minutes, it started to feel really  good and after a few minutes more, I was clawing at the mattress holding on for dear life trying to keep from cuming.  At one point, I think I even curled into a fetal position, teeth and fists clenched, as I struggled with the incredibly intense hands-free edge play.  (I heard the IM prompt, but didn’t read Mistress’s message until after I was done.  It said, simply, "poor baby" with a giggle.)

At the end, my leg was slick with the precum that had leaked out during the session, my body ached, and my cock fiercely longed to be stroked.  I removed the Aneros and cage, then just laid still and reflected on what it must be like for those locked into the cage for much, much longer periods of time.

I tidied up all of my toys and then donned the panties Mistress provided.  They were so  silky and soft and felt so  good against my aching, denied cock that I immediately sprang to full erect and started leaking precum all over again.  Mistress started laughing immediately at the sight of me in her panties, my transformation into her little panty slut now complete.

She did give me one wonderful gift - she said I could stroke myself to sleep, as long as I promised not to cum.  Of course, I woke to found myself still stroking myself which added another 3 blows to my caning tally.  Edge play is really pushing the limits of my endurance and willpower, but now that I’ve started in the face of chastity, I’m actually glad I’m on this path at the moment.  I can see full-time chastity in my future eventually, but for now, I’m happy being Mistress’s hand-humping stroke slut.

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Kinks - Electro Play

Time for another installment of what turns me on.  In this case, it’s quite literal.

In electro play, electrical current is passed through sensitive parts of your body creating pain or pleasure.  By tweaking the frequency and intensity of the electrical impulses, you can actually create a vibration type sensation created by your own muscles.  The interesting thing is that you can do this to internal body parts (like the prostate) that you could never reach with more conventional toys.

I first learned about electrical play on the Internet when researching sex machines and after a few failed attempts to build my own stimulator, finally dumped the money and purchased a PES box with a few toys.  While I’ve still never experienced the "hands free" orgasm that some have reached with e-stim, I have had some mind-blowing solo play sessions.

One type of stim toy I really  like is anything that slides down into the urethra.  (I have a serious kink about that, something that I’ll cover in a future installment.)  By setting up the electrodes so current goes from my ass to something urethra, the juice flows directly through the prostate giving amazing sensations. 

For me, I think the electro sex kink is rooted firmly in my machine sex fetish this is being stimulated by a machine in the purest sense. 

Mistress Trecia is also into electro play, so I’m hoping that during my visit I will have the opportunity to be at the mercy of her at the switch.  While solo play is fun, I think being under someone else’s control will be seriously intense.

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Strange Day

The last 24 hours have been really, really strange.

First, last night’s assignment was a doozy.  I was to stroke for 34 minutes, but for every minute I wasn’t on the edge of cuming, I would owe Mistress Trecia one clothespin on my cock and balls.  Just to start, I owed her a few because I couldn’t very well start on the edge.  As the time went on, the clock seemed to start ticking slower and slower as I rode the edge, shaking and desperately trying to hold on and not cum.  I think it was too much for my body, because around the 25 minute mark, my cock went completely limp.  I kept stroking, but knew that I was racking up those pins.  I finally got back in the swing about 6 - 7 minutes later and then added an extra 10 minutes of stroking to make up for it.  (I still confessed to Mistress and said I have 10 pins coming to me once we meet.)

While that was pretty intense, I had another experience the next day.  I had the day off for Presidents’ Day, so I was at home doing on some design work for Mistress when she popped up and we started to chat.  A few minutes in, she asked if I was stroking and I said no, because I wasn’t actively working at the moment (since we were chatting) and that would be a violation of her rules.  She then said that I could  ask to stroke and she would grant it if she was feeling generous.  I immediately asked if she would please let me and she agreed.

I had my webcam on in spy mode (where I set it up so Mistress can peek in on me while I work), so I knew that Mistress was watching me.  She then told me to grab my cell phone and called me a few moments later.  I was stroking in earnest while she egged me on calling me her stroke slut and asking if it felt good.  She also said that I never knew when she would be feeling generous, but that if she allowed me to cum, she would only give me 3 seconds to do so, so I’d better be right on the edge just in case.

That’s all it took to put me there and I started that delicate dance, riding the edge of orgasm without going over.  Since I was still incredibly horny from the previous night’s adventure, it took everything I could summon to restrain myself.  As Mistress continued to taunt me, I lost it and just started begging to cum.  I knew deep down that it wouldn’t happen and that I was disrespectful to ask, but I couldn’t help myself. 

I started by saying that I needed to cum, but Mistress said "do you need  to cum or do you want  to cum?"  When I changed my plea to "Please, I want to cum so bad" she just laughed at me again.  Part of me actually did need to cum, but was outweighed by the part of me that needed to please Mistress.  Eventually, I was shaking and tears were streaming down my face, partially from the struggle and frustration, but also because I was in full-blown subspace.  I was so far gone that, while I know I was grunting and pleading, I don’t even know if I was speaking English at that point. 

She then abruptly told me to stop, then wished me a good day and hung up.  Immediately afterwards, Mistress IMed me again and asked if i was wiping tears out of my eyes.  (She hadn’t realized up until then that I had been crying.)  She, of course, said how hot she thought that was and thanked me for helping her wake up.  Sigh  Anything for Mistress.

The weirdest thing came later in the day when my wife came home.  Her and her mom have been fighting quite a bit lately and they had been trading barbed e-mails all day long.  My wife immediately pulled out the vodka on her arrival and started getting drunk.  After a few drinks, she came over, jumped into my lap, and asked if I was horny.  Mistress has been trying to get me to be firm with her and express what I want and expect very explicitly, so I told her to go upstairs, get naked, and get in bed.

I managed to bring her to two and a half orgasms (one with my fingers and one orally with a little actual sex throw in), but for the third she said she wanted to watch me stroke while she finished under her own hand.  (She really likes to watch me masturbate, especially when she knows it’s her that is arousing me.)  Fortunately, since she had commanded it, Mistress waived the three strokes unsanctioned touching usually brings. 

The really weird bit came after sex when we started talking.  My wife asked if I was satisfied since I obviously hadn’t cum.  (I had managed to save that for Mistress.)  I told her that I hadn’t cum in almost two weeks but briefly explained edge play.  She fortunately didn’t think to ask why I was doing it, which is good because I didn’t have an easy answer for that one.  We also continued our discussion from over the weekend about me exploring my submissiveness and she asked if I’d mind her reading the Freaks4Fetish forum to get more information.  I agreed with the caveat that I wouldn’t reveal my forum identity to her and she accepted the terms.  Hopefully, the info there will help her begin to understand what I am.

Finally, I just received tonight’s assignment from Mistress.  Compared to the last few nights, this one will be a nice change.  I have to stroke to the edge while worshiping the scraps of worn panties she included in the goody bag.  Since I’m already all warm and glowy from my interactions with Mistress, this will just bring us a little closer.

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