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Starting a FemDom marriage in the Vanilla Kingdom

Real Life (Bummer)

My original post about Mistress Natalie is still waiting in the wings, but today I had a dose of real life that kinda kicked me in the teeth.  I had a huge  fight with my wife, one of many we’ve had this week that have been escalating.  I was actually ready to start packing my stuff into my truck and looking for a divorce lawyer when we both finally cooled down and had a good discussion.

My wife and I have been on the outs for some time now.  I’m starting to realize (with the help of Mistress Trecia) that I’ve spent the time since my wife and I got back together trying to change myself to match her every whim.  I’ve stopped becoming who I am and instead have turned myself into a half-baked amalgamation of my wife’s neuroses which isn’t healthy for either of us.

My sexuality (of which D/s is a huge part) also fell victim to this.  Since a D/s relationship was partially to blame for our original separation, my wife shunned all things BDSM and I did the same to make her happy.  In the process, I completely denied myself the very core of my sexuality.

The real challenge I’m going to face in the very near future is two-fold.  First, I have to convince my wife that erotic servitude is a gigantic part of my sexuality and is something she is going to have to deal with.  (In the past, I’m assuming she wrote it off as a crazy kink that was just an inconsequential "thing" like finding Japanese women attractive.)  Then, I have to tell her about Mistress Trecia and see if she would be willing to work with Mistress to jointly fill my need to serve.

Part of me thinks it is a real pipe dream and that I should never tell her, keeping my secret passion for Mistress hidden away safe and sound.  If I expose it to the light, I may be forced to choose between these two important women in my life.  However, I need to learn to trust her and believe in my heart that she will understand and, knowing and loving me, will see how important it is and work with me to fulfill this part of me.

Trying to incorporate my "real life" with my time with Mistress Trecia is completely freaking me out, but I have to be true to myself.  This is part of who and what I am.  I know now that I can’t escape it and need to respect this part of me.  Hopefully, my wife will join me on this part of my life’s journey. 

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