Close To You
After all of the abuse my poor cock has taken over the past couple of weeks, Mistress decided to give me an exercise that would give it a break and instead let me meditate and feel close to her.
I was to strip, kneel by the bed with my hands clasped behind my back, and bury my face in her used panties (the ones she included in my goody bag) without any audio or other distractions. During my nine-minute meditation and panty worship, I was to think of five words to describe my feelings and focus on them. Afterwards, I was to write something based on those same words.
While it’s something I hadn’t done until I met Mistress Trecia, I’ve come to enjoy my assigned panty worship. It’s an incredibly intimate thing and makes me feel incredibly close to Mistress. With the added introspection of the assignment, I was about as close to being in her presence as I’ve ever been.
It took me a little while to clear my head, but once I was in the zone, the words came pretty easily. I tried to find a mix that covered my feelings about Mistress personally as well as reflections about our relationship. Here’s what I ended up with:
Beauty - Like all the words I chose, this one has a multitude of meanings. I find Mistress extremely beautiful in body, mind, and spirit. (Her smile is just electric .) The feelings of subspace are also beautiful to me and she certainly knows how to lead me there.
Restrained - This one easily applies to the literal definition, even if my ties are self-tied at the moment. (I’m counting the days until my "real space" meeting.) I also chose this word because my life before I met Mistress I had restrained my submissiveness as I tried to ignore it as just a stupid fetish.
Released - First and foremost, thanks to Mistress I’ve released a great amount of baggage that was cluttering up my existence. Between reclaiming my sexuality, making peace with my submissiveness, bettering my relationship with my wife, dealing with some of my childhood traumas, and getting off of antidepressants, I’ve released a great many things. This also has meaning in the T&D space, since Mistress now owns my ability to "release" sexually.
Devotion - I have an incredibly strong devotion to Mistress, the strength of which surprises me given the very short time we’ve known each other. Between the financial tributes, the assignments, my work as her project puppy, and even the "collar" (a thin leather lanyard holding a pendant in the shape of the Chinese symbol for "slave") I wear as a sign of her ownership are all ways I try to demonstrate and celebrate my devotion. In turn, I think Mistress feels a devotion to me as her pet, honoring me with her wonderful gifts, her attention, and her wonderfully devious assignments. She also has done a great deal to help me bury some of my personal demons, something that a less caring person would not bother to do.
Power - The core of our D/s relationship. We’ve discussed this topic quite a bit since we first met and are of the same mind that subs who have a strength and power of their own and who willingly hand that over to their Domme are experiencing true power exchange. Without something to "exchange", without being able to consciously choose to make that sacrifice and tribute, you’re just carrying your normal persona into BDSM play. I also like this word because I feel Mistress’s power the same way you can feel the hair on your body stand up due to a static charge. Mistress Trecia is a woman confident in her abilities, in herself, and in her sexuality and exudes that in everything she says and does.
With my words chosen, I decided to write a short poem. To emphasize the selected words, I decided that I would write one line for each word and that each line would end in one of the words. This actually came together quite quickly and just felt right:
Kneeling before Her beauty
Vulnerable, restrained
Completely under Her power
She reaches inside my soul and my demons are released
I forever pledge my devotion
It makes me so happy that Mistress Trecia can not only control me sexually, but also engage me intellectually. I’m thankful every day that our fates brought us together.
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