sub-burbs

Starting a FemDom marriage in the Vanilla Kingdom

Goals

I am currently in the act of balancing my marriage and my service to Mistress Trecia.  As I’m growing stronger and finally putting to rest some of the demons of my past, my relationship with my wife is going to improve.  (She’s already started to respond to the positive changes in me, something that’s even led to a discussion about sharing a bed on a full-time basis once again.) 

That means one thing:  at some point, I’m going to have to bring Mistress and my wife together and figure out the best to way to keep both of these women happy and in my life or deal with the consequences. 

In my recent talks with my wife about my sub side, it dawned on me that I have to start laying down the groundwork now for my desired outcome to gently lead my wife to the spot where I tell her everything and hope that she can see that this doesn’t have to be an either/or situation.

Today, I started the process of looking at some of the possible outcomes and decided to use this space to do a little thinking out loud.  I suppose it’s my military training that makes me pick apart problems like this, but it always helps me to see the potential outcomes before deciding which path to take.

Outcome:  Mistress Makes Three

I don’t know quite how to get there, but this is my "having cake / eating, too" scenario.  Basically, I convince my wife that Mistress is a positive influence on me and our marriage and the two work together to ensure my erotic servitude while I remain a committed family man.  My wife would gain the benefit of my being attentative (worshiping her and taking care of the household) while I would still get to remain married to my best friend and also serve my cherished Mistress.  In fact, I’ve fantasized about being locked in chastity with two keys, each held on a chain around the necks of these two amazing women.  Because of the horrible swinging experience in our past, This one would be a tough sell, but one that I’d really like to see happen.  Unfortunately, I can’t quite see the path from where we are now to this point.  I think if I reinforce that Mistress isn’t trying to steal me away (as she says, "I already have a husband.  Why would I want another one?") and show her what life could be like in this scenario, I might have a chance at making it happen.

Outcome:  Wife Steps Up

In this scenario, my wife realizes how important servitude is to me, but looks inside herself and finds her inner Domme.  (She runs this house, has me do most of the actual household work and shopping, and manages our finances.  She’s nearly a lifestyle Domme already.)  In this case, I’d love to see my wife become mentored by Mistress and continue to work with her.  Eventually, this would probably lead to me serving my wife exclusively as the new Domme in my life with Mistress remaining a cherished close friend.  As my wife has shunned all things BDSM and considered herself a sub when she dabbled in the scene, this is probably a long shot.  She it definitely an alpha woman, however, and I think with just a little introspection she would be able to embrace her own self and sexuality and blossom as a powerful, dominant woman.

Outcome:  Wife Kneels Down

This is the wild card of the bunch.  In a nutshell, my wife looks inside herself and fully embraces her sub side as well and we both  enter into devoted servitude to Mistress Trecia.  While this would be hot with a capital H-O-T, I just can’t see it happening.  If nothing else, the "girl-girl" hurdle would be a substantial issue for my wife and that alone probably makes this scenario impossible.

Outcome:  Secrets

This outcome would only be likely if I can’t summon the strength to come clean with my wife.  Basically, this is me continuing as I am now, keeping my wife from the real truth about Mistress and my devotion to her.  This is unfair to all parties - my wife because I’m keeping a major part of my life from her and not giving her the benefit of the doubt that she’d understand, Mistress because it would be impossible for me to completely turn my life over to her which shortchanges her, and me because I’m having to weigh myself down with the burden of not being able to open my life enough for Mistress while also carrying the guilt of lying to my wife.  No matter what, I need to find the strength to make sure this one doesn’t happen.

Outcome:  Reversion

This is another scenario that I can’t let happen.  In it, my wife gives me an ultimatum and I cave, burying my sub side once again and going back to my repressed, vanilla existence.  I refuse to do this as servitude is a part of my sexuality and one that I know now I can’t ignore.  I’ve known in some fashion or another since I was 8 years old that this is who I am and I won’t be forced to box up this big piece of myself.

Outcome:  Divorce

The flip side of the above scenario is that my wife and I realize that we just aren’t compatible and, after 16 years, call it quits.  Of the three scenarios where my wife doesn’t accept my rediscovered sexuality, this is the most harsh, but also the most likely.  If she can’t accept me as I am, as I have always been to some degree since the day we met, then I need to move on.  I’ve been so unhappy for so long trying to bury this important piece of myself that I need to stand up and defend it, even if it means losing my best friend and partner.

While I’ve thought up some other completely insane scenarios (like Mistress finding Jesus and joining a convent), one of the above six scenarios is where my life is most likely going to go in the near future.  It’s a little scary (okay - it’s a lot  scary), but I need to be true to myself even if that means making a major life change to do so.

My life now is pretty comfortable.  I’ve got a good job, a big house, great friends, and my wife and I are usually still good friends and (sometimes) lovers.  It would be so easy just to sit back and not rock the boat, enjoy my barbecues and video games, keep trying to have kids, and just basically keep living this comfy life.

The problem is that I know this isn’t who I really am.  In trying to be true to my wife and rebuilding myself to her specifications after hitting bottom, I’ve created this facade of White-Collar Suburban Dad that has become more of a cross to bear than a way to live.  This past month, I’ve found more happiness and joy rediscovering the lost, long buried pieces of myself, so much so that I’ve been able to completely stop taking my antidepressants since my only chemical imbalance was not respecting my own true identity.

The process to get where I need to be is going to suck wholesale, but I owe it to myself and to the people in my life to be honest, open, and strong enough to fulfill my own needs and embrace the real me. 

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