sub-burbs

Mistress hit me with another tough assignment last night:  Stroke to the edge, then apply toothpaste and stroke for 15 minutes. 

I’ve finally embraced my status as pain slut, each hurt adding fire to the already burning desire within me, so I knew adding pain into the mix when I was already at the edge was going to be tough to handle.  Since I’ve been on strict "no touching" orders, I decided to take my time during the initial build-up to the edge.  I spent about 5 minutes stroking, enjoying the sensation, and dreading the next phase.

As expected, dropping the burning sting of toothpaste into the mix nearly put me over the edge by itself.  Of course, I then had to endure 15 more minutes of stroking.  There were a few close calls, but I managed to make it without spilling.  Now that the clock has stopped and I have no idea when I’m going to cum again, I’m actually handling things a little better.  I’m dug in for the (potentially) long haul and have found myself not watching the calendar as closely over the past few days.

The "stress" mentioned in the title above is due to my growing anxiety as my "real space" meeting with Mistress approaches.  (It’s just over a month away.)  I’ve started to get nervous about meeting Mistress in person.  I’m not afraid of being kidnapped (hot as that might be), but rather of disappointing Mistress.  Our relationship has taken place completely virtually and some part of me is worried that my real self will not live up to the on-line version. 

This isn’t because I’ve put forward a fake persona - my words here and actions toward Mistress have all been completely genuine.  I think it’s still some part of the picked on little kid deep inside me that is convinced I’m not good enough or don’t deserve this.  I know it’s silly, but despite being naked via webcam for Mistress on numerous occasions, the thought of doing it in person is nerve wracking beyond belief.

I know these anxieties will pass and that my affection and devotion for Mistress will immediately take over as soon as we meet, but for now they just add to the boiling soup that is my sexuality at the moment.