sub-burbs

Things took a very interesting turn last night in my continued teasing and denial at Mistress Trecia’s hand.

The assignment went like this:  I was to put mousetraps (the lovely glitter-encrusted ones from the goody bag) on my nipples and mix a handful of Devil’s Spit (Icy Hot and lotion).  Then I was to stroke for 9 minutes, insert the Aneros,  then continue stroking for another 15 minutes.

First off, I’m in such a horny state that 24 minutes of stroking without cuming is extremely difficult just by itself.  The other elements (especially the Aneros) meant I had a really tough night ahead.

Although it wasn’t specified, I was listening to Mistress’s audio files while I stroked, something that always gets me hot even without touching.  The first 9 minutes was agony.  First, the Devil’s Spit just lit my cock on fire even in the weak concentration I was told to use.  While the pain slut in me responds to that, it also makes for a tough time when stroking for long periods of time.  The mousetraps also added something interesting.  The stood straight out from my nipples, so each stroke caused them to bob a little bit giving me a little goose with each stroke which just intensified the situation.

There was one close call where I had to clamp down HARD to stop a cum, but I survived the first 9 minutes.  Then, the real fun began.

I popped in the Aneros and started stroking again, keeping an eye on the clock trying to pace myself.  The pain/heat from the Devil’s Spit started to fade, which took away my one solid crutch to help stave off orgasm.  No fewer than five times, I had to struggle as I teetered on the edge so  close to going over and forcing myself to keep it inside.  As the final seconds ticked away during minute 15, I started to shake from the frustration and fatigue of keeping the release at bay.

After laying on the floor for a few minutes to compose myself, I cleaned up and finished the very last step of my assignment - I strapped my leather cuffs to my wrists and crawled into bed, aching but pleased that I passed the challenge and fell almost immediately into a deep sleep.

Today, Mistress took things up to yet another level.  I am now forbidden from touching myself.  Each touch I confess to will bring me 3 strokes from Mistress’s paddle or cane during my "real space" visit.  This is going to be tough - I earned my first penalty just a few minutes after the new rule was put into place.  My cock is always semi-hard at this point and I’m constantly horny as hell, so my hand just tends to drift to my cock when I’m relaxing. 

I’m pleased that I got a minor reprieve from Mistress.  Later in the day, she said that I could stroke but only while actively working on projects for her.  I am not to just surf the web and stroke or do any other sort of self-play without her express permission.

Every day after my devotion, I start to think, "Yeah, this one wasn’t so bad.  I can manage at this level and hold my own."  The very next day almost always means Mistress escalates the assignments to a new level, forcing me to reach deeper inside myself to meet the challenge and honor her wishes.  Not being able to plan or become practiced at any one thing is as much of a mindfuck as anything else. 

I am but a puppet and Mistress is expertly pulling on my strings, taking me to places I didn’t know existed.  Not a day goes by that I don’t dread the assignment, but get overwhelmingly excited by the possibilities.

Last night’s assignment was easier that most I’ve been given lately, or so I thought.

Earlier, Mistress Trecia had me purchase an Aneros.  It’s a device for males that massages the prostate from the inside and is supposed to provide amazing orgasms.  Just the thing for a denied stroke slut, right?

I inserted the device and the started my stroke to the edge as instructed.  I was doing really well, riding the edge, and thinking that the Aneros wasn’t really doing its job.  Then, out of nowhere, I felt a huge rush and nearly came.  I had to immediately stop touching myself, clench my fists (digging my nails into my palms), and grind my teeth to hold back.  For a few moments, I was afraid that I had gone too far, but fortunately was able to shut the orgasm down before it was too late.

I have a feeling if I would have kept going, the orgasm from the Aneros would have been amazing.  The way it rushed out of nowhere was pretty intense and I hope someday I can try it to its full potential.  I am so  glad that I managed to prevent anything from happening, however, because I’ve been doing so well and really don’t want to fail in my main assigned task.  (T&D is at the core of my relationship with Mistress at the moment, and cuming without permission would be a huge disrespect to her.)

In other news, I had an interesting talk with my wife today.  I’ve been a wee bit secretive lately given my new relationship with Mistress that she knows nothing about.  I have been letting little drabs of truth filter out so she can get used to the idea that I’m exploring subspace again with the ultimate goal of having her and Mistress work together in a symbiotic relationship.

Since I’m building some new bondage furniture for Mistress, I went to Home Depot with my wife to pick up a half gallon of purple wood stain.  Since that was kind of an odd thing to buy, my wife asked what it was for and I told her I was building some furniture for someone I met online.  I then confessed to what kind of furniture which led to our bigger discussion.

My wife actually appreciated the fact that I’m trying to be true to myself and that Mistress (who I’ve been referring to as a new counselor I’ve been seeing) is actually focusing very much on our happiness as a couple in addition to helping me find myself.  (That is all true and something I truly believe.)

All in all, I think the talk helped her feel like Mistress was less of a threat and helped reassure her that I don’t want to grow away from her but to rather reclaim who I am (rather than the mirror copy of what I thought my wife wanted) and incorporate it into our marriage. 

I’m not nearly ready to drop the bomb about my serving Mistress yet, but I’m a big step closer.

Over the past few days, I’ve been discussing my inability to stop touching myself despite the fact that I’m climbing the walls during this latest round of teasing and denial from Mistress Trecia.  She has been gently pushing my limits further and further since we first met, but this week has been even more intense and has left me feeling incredibly horny all the time.

As usual, Mistress found a way to exploit a particular weakness to her erotic advantage.

My instructions last night were simple - using the rope from my goody bag, tie up my cock and balls, listen to Mistress’s audio files on my MP3, and no touching .   Since touching is all I seem to be able to do when I’m alone, that was the kicker of the assignment.

Immediately after my cock was tied, I started thinking about putting on some cuffs or using rope to secure my hands behind my back.  While it was because I was jonesing for being bound, I also figured this assignment would be tough and that would be a nice crutch.  I quickly decided that was not in keeping of the spirit of the assignment and put the cuffs away.  (I haven’t worn them in a long time, but DAMN did it feel good to have the leather around my wrists again.  There’s something about being cuffed and restrained that just lights a fire in my very core, like stoking the engine on a coal-fired ship.)

Once in my bedroom, I got naked, got into bed, and lay there exposed and listening to Mistress’s amazing voice whispering erotic stories into my ear.  It was right then that something occurred to me.  I hadn’t asked how long I was supposed to stay in this position!  In normal edge play, it’s easy enough - once you hit the edge, you’re done.

While I could have taken the easy way out, I decided to set a very specific and reasonable goal for myself.  I would listen to every one of Mistress’s audio files (about an hour’s worth) before I would allow myself to stop.

With in about 5 minutes, my cock was throbbing and ready to burst and I had to clench the sheets on either side of me to keep from stroking myself.  Laying in the dark acted like a deprivation chamber as the only thing I could sense in the room was my bound cock and the sultry sounds of Mistress’s voice.  By the 15 minute mark, precum was oozing out of my still-untouched cock and I was clenching my teeth trying to resist the urge to touch.

I have no idea how I made it through all the audio files.  The last half of the assignment is a complete blur as I lay shaking on the bed trying to muster the willpower to not touch.  When the last audio file finished, I immediately stripped off the rope, dressed myself, and listened to This Week In Tech (hoping guys talking about computers would be enough of a buzz kill to take me off the edge).  Fortunately, the combination of the strain of the assignment, the late hour, and my jet lagging knocked me out into a fit sleep.

Today I had the pleasure of doing some shopping for Mistress.  There are a few pieces of dungeon furniture that she’s wanted, so I decided to construct them then do the delivery in person during our visit in late March.  I picked up all the lumber and most of the hardware today since I’ll have all day Monday to build while I’m home alone.  (My wife doesn’t get the day off.)  From looking at the plans (taken from the Better Built Bondage Book), it looks like the two biggest items are only a 1 - 2 day project including finishing, so I’ve got plenty of time to finish the projects before the trip.

I’m also working on creating a custom smotherbox for Mistress since she loves both body worship and breath play, something which just begs for that type of contraption.  I’m also going to rig it with a lock since I know how much Mistress loves inescapable bondage.  The final products are going to be a surprise, but I promise to post pictures after the presentation to Mistress.  (Actually, with her permission, I’d love to present a Flickr set of  the presentation.)

Last night was just one more in a string of new experiences for me.  Since the previous night of waking every two hours to stroke for Mistress Trecia, I was incredibly tired.  (Taking a day trip to Disneyland and walking around all day didn’t help either.) 

Mistress was working on a school project and said she’d check in on me later with my instructions, but I wound up falling asleep while playing a video game while waiting.  Mistress must have noticed on my webcam (something I kept going around the clock in the hotel room since Mistress liked being able to check in on her boy to watch over me) as she phoned me at the hotel.

Most of the call feels like it was a dream, between my incredible arousal and the sleep deprivation, and I don’t fully remember everything that happened.  I was woken out of a pretty sound sleep to hear Mistress’s voice saying something to effect of "Is my little stroke toy horny?"  She then strongly told me to start immediately stroking my cock.  In my already highly aroused and sexually charged state, it didn’t take more than a few minutes before i was whimpering into the phone.  I remember Mistress repeating back my pleas and moans and laughing at me, something that just increased my need and suffering.

By the end, I could barely speak, words like "Mistress" coming out as "Mmm-uh-uh-mmmuss" as I stroked, wavering on the very edge.  I was almost in tears again from the sheer agony and frustration when Mistress ordered me to stop.  She then said I was a good boy and told me to get plenty of rest.

This morning, we discussed my current state a little more and she suggested I post on the Freaks4Fetish forum to get some advice.  I feel kinda stupid doing that now as I’m only 4 days into a 2 week denial and the couple of good responses I got were from guys who had been chaste for weeks and months.  One common thread was that being in denial makes you closer to Mistress, the constant ache a reminder that you are owned.  It made me think about possibly offering Mistress that I remain denied until our trip. 

I don’t want to make that offer just yet, because if what I’m feeling now gets worse I may have a hard time reaching the two week goal that Mistress has already put forth.  However, there is something very exciting and intimate about waiting until my release can be granted either in audience with or by the hand of Mistress Trecia.

Yesterday was a roller coaster for me in my service to Mistress Trecia.

First, she sent a birthday present to me at the hotel where I am staying for my business conference.  The gift was a silver pendant (the Chinese symbol for "slave") on a thin leather cord and completely blew me away.  Mistress said that I was to look at this like a discrete collar I could wear in public but that would still mark me as hers.  I was touched and excited by the gesture and immediately donned my marking.

A little while later, Mistress finally gave me the assignment for which I had to collect the hair clips and 9-volt battery.  Before starting my nightly devotion, I was to place two of the clips on my nipples.  Then, as I stroked my cock, I was to shock myself on the shaft at least 15 times for no less than 5 seconds each and three of the shocks had to happen when I was on the edge.  (Mistress upgraded the torture shortly thereafter and gave me the additional condition that 10 of the 15 shocks had to be done to my "honeyspot" the super-sensitive area just underneath the cock head.

I’d felt the sting of the 9-volt before, but never to such a degree, so I was extremely apprehensive about my session.  At least things started well - pain slut that I am, my cock got rock hard as soon as the clamps bit down into my nipples.  (I finally accept that I’m just wired to be a masochist.)  And then, the stroking began.

As my cock became more and more wet from the mixture of precum and lube, each shock grew in intensity making 5 seconds seem like an eternity.  The last three shocks were the hardest because I had to wait until I was right at the edge, but the shock would pull me back from the edge meaning more stroking to get back there for the next shock.

By the time that ordeal was over, I was aching from the torture but also horny as hell.  As I surfed the web, I found myself absentmindedly stroking myself.  What in the hell possessed me to do so is beyond me, except perhaps that part of me is wired to automatically suffer for Mistress without any specific commands.

After I mentioned this to Mistress, she came up with another task for me.  Starting right then at 11:34, I was to stroke to the edge at the same time every other hour until 5:34 a.m.  This meant setting the alarm, getting up from a dead sleep, kneeling to complete my edge play devotion, then starting all over again.

By 5:45 a.m., my cock was raw, the world seemed fuzzy due to my screwed up sleep cycle, and I was even more horny then when I started the exercise.  To make matters worse, I remembered that I have 10 days left before I can be granted some release.  Aches on top of aches to top of aches, all to honor my devotion to Mistress and her wicked assignments.

When I first discussed tease and denial with Mistress Trecia, I honestly thought it was no big deal.  I mean, with my wife and I on the outs and me completely repressing my sexuality, not having sex or jerking off for days or weeks at a time was practically my day-to-day existence.  I had no idea that it would be this difficult or that the ache from lack of release would just make my libido increase even more.  (I’m assuming this is because I’m wired to get off on pain, but there might be more to it that I haven’t discovered yet.)

As I’ve mentioned before, Mistress is constantly surprising me with her assignments and at how subtly she’s managed to completely take over all aspects of my sexuality and push my limit well beyond what I thought I was capable.  I can’t wait to see (and feel) where our relationship goes over time.

My two-week trial has barely just started, but Mistress Trecia is pushing me more each day to see what I can withstand.  Yesterday’s task was especially difficult - stroke to the edge, then keep stroking for 15 minutes without cumming.  Since I had a similar task two days ago that also involved irritant play (namely, my evil toothpaste), I thought this would be a great deal easier. 

I was, of course, completely wrong.

The stroking felt amazingly good.  My hard cock throbbing in my lubed hand, gliding up and down, the sexual rush and personal intimacy of the situation fueling the process even further - all of that was wonderful as always, even knowing that the orgasm that normally followed was not an option.

What killed me was the period after I hit the peak as I struggled on the edge, still stroking, still feeling amazing, but knowing that I’d have to hold that line for 15 whole minutes.  At times, I’d catch myself stroking faster, my body almost forcing me to the point of no return.  I was not prepared for the massive amounts of willpower and concentration it would take to keep stroking in such a way that I could toe the line without crossing.

As always, I was kneeling at the edge of the bed, my free hand clutching handfuls of sheet, at times biting into the mattress just trying to fulfill my task and make Mistress proud.  I finally managed to complete all 15 minutes of so-good-it-hurts torture and collapsed into a quivering heap beside the bed.

Tonight, Mistress has all sorts of other devious things planned for me.  First, tonight was the big dinner to close out the conference I’m attending and Mistress text messaged my cell phone with instructions to head to the bathroom and stroke myself to the edge.  The place was like Grand Central Station with crowds of people streaming through making me feel incredibly  exposed.  Despite my aching need for release, it took me a long time to bring myself to the edge since I was afraid of getting caught.  Since I took so long, my body responded in kind by flooding me with pre-cum which dripped down and soaked the underwear that were around my ankles.  (I’m glad I had jeans and not some other style of pants that would have leaked through.)

In addition to that little adventure, Mistress instructed me earlier to track down some sort of clips or clamps and a 9-volt battery.  I managed to gather them, but can now only imagine and worry about what Mistress has planned for my next denial session.

Last night marked the first day of my mandated two-week denial and Mistress Trecia took full advantage to make sure my suffering surpassed anything I’ve experienced to date under her rule.

We were chatting and she nonchalantly said that she wanted me to use toothpaste during the last 11 minutes of my nightly denial stroke session.  I had to ask her to clarify as I wasn’t quite sure what "last 11 minutes" meant.  Mistress said that I was to stroke to the edge as per normal, but then to apply toothpaste to my cock and stroke but not cum for an additional 11 minutes.  She also said that I should grab a rubber band or something similar and bind my cock and balls beforehand.

To add to the eroticism of the situation, I had a new wrinkle to my normal devotions.  Mistress has commented that she enjoys spying on me via webcam, so as a surprise I took advantage of my current hotel stay to set up a webcam pointed at the bed that Mistress could monitor anytime she chose.  Knowing that she was potentially going to be watching over me while I going through my ordeal was incredibly exciting.

I stripped, bound my cock with an elastic cable tie I had in my suitcase, then knelt at the edge of the bed and started stroking.  Listening to Mistress’s voice on my MP3 player had the usual effect and it wasn’t long before I hit the edge where I’d normally stop.  I then applied the toothpaste, noted the time on the clock, and started the next phase of my ordeal.

The burn of the toothpaste kicked in within a few seconds and within the first 2 -3 minutes I was in excruciating pain.  While the burn of the irritant hurt, being right on the edge for so long and knowing I was very far away from the finish line just broke me.  I bit into the mattress and howled my frustration.  At the 5 minute mark, I started weeping and shaking due to the frustration caused by my arousal and demanded denial clashing in additional the physical pain I was feeling.

I managed to hold out until the very end, collapsing as the 11 minutes expired, my cock raw and on fire, my body trembling in frustration, and my balls aching from the bondage and denial.  Through all of that, I felt a swelling of pride for successfully completing Mistress’s challenge.  Of course, I also had the haunting feeling that this was just day 1 of my ordeal and wondering how much further I’d have to push myself during the next two weeks.

On her blog, Mistress wrote about how much she enjoyed watching me, to the point where she actually had an orgasm from the experience.  Mistress also wrote about being anxious to experience such a session in "real space" so she can hold me while I tremble.  I, too, long for that contact.  Last night’s ordeal is one where some quality aftercare (being held and having my hair stroked, for example) would have just added so much to my heady subspace buzz.

I wait now for Mistress to see what devious and wicked plan she has for me tonight.  Hopefully, I can continue to push my boundaries to meet her challenges and make Mistress proud with my utter and complete devotion.

Yesterday, in honor of my birthday, Mistress told me to enjoy as much masturbation as I could stand.

Today, I discovered the price of this generous "gift" - one week of denial for each orgasm.  Fortunately for me, I came twice yesterday, but didn’t follow through with a planned third time because I was feeling greedy just for the two I did have.  This means I must wait "only" two weeks until my next release.

Mistress also said that she had some plans to make the two weeks "interesting".  I can only ache in anticipation of the schemes Mistress has cooked up.

One of the things I’ve come to love about Mistress Trecia is that she’s incredibly smart and devious.  I am a pretty smart guy and fairly adept at critical thinking, so I can usually see things coming from a mile away in normal situations.  Mistress, however, is always able to surprise me and completely surpasses my assumptions about any given situation.  She keeps me on my toes in a way that few others in my life can. 

I am anxiously awaiting our time together in "real space" mainly because I have no idea what to expect.  It’s both scary and incredibly exciting at the same time.

This week, I am in California enjoying a break from the sub-zero temperatures in Chicago and attending a business conference.  This means a few days alone in a hotel room at Mistress’s beck and call.  The first thing she asked me today was if I brought rope with me.  It’s going to be an interesting couple of days.

For now, however, I am getting ready to perform my nightly devotion, knowing this is the first of a long series of denial sessions before I am once again granted any sort of relief. 

I also have the promise of things being "taken to the next level" hanging over my head, my mind trying to imagine what wicked things are brewing in the imagination of Mistress Trecia and how they will enhance my suffering on her behalf.

We also had an interesting talk today about "submissive" being part of my sexual orientation and why my relationships with non-dominant sorts never seem to work out.  I need to stew about this for a little longer, but expect to read about my thoughts on this in the next few days.

Finally, I want to thank Mistress Trecia for naming me her "boy of the month".  Something has really clicked between us and our relationship has gone from a very nervous introduction on my part to me giving myself to Mistress completely in the span of six weeks.  It feel so incredibly right  and all the service I provide Mistress just reinforces the bond I feel with her.  It pleases me greatly to know that I am able to return at least some portion of the positive force that Mistress has introduced into my life.

Hey everyone say happy birthday to timidboy…

This is going to be a shortish post because I’m frantically getting ready for my business trip tomorrow.

Besides being a pre-trip day, it’s also my birthday.  Mistress send me an eCard this morning with a surprise gift attached to it.  She said that I could watch porn and masturbate as much as I wanted today, but that tomorrow I was hers again.

While part of me was wanting to be a good sub and refuse the offer as a devotion to Mistress Trecia, I know she didn’t offer something so selfish and decadent lightly.  Mistress has also said that she wants to take my nightly devotions and servitude to the next level, so I’m assuming that my allowed releases are going start getting less and less frequent, especially with my scheduled in-person visit at the end of March.  Mistress is wonderfully wicked and creative and I haven’t yet been able to predict where things will go.

Every so often, I reflect in how far we’ve come and how much I’ve surrendered myself to Mistress in such a short amount of time.  Today marks 39 days since I first reluctantly e-mailed Mistress about a post on her blog.

As I turn 37 (yikes - that number is a little scary), I am thankful that I’m still able to grow and discover more about myself, that I am finally able to let some old wounds heal, and that I met Mistress Trecia and through her regain my ability to open and give myself so completely to another person.