sub-burbs

Today was a really, really strange day.

First, it’s Mistress Trecia’s homecoming day and I’m starting to get worried because I haven’t heard from her.  I figured tonight would just be her and her hubby after her long time away, but I tend to get nervous when loved ones travel, especially by air.  I’m sure she’s okay, but I will breathe easier once I see her pop up on-line safe and sound.  I do know her package arrived on schedule, so I’m happy that worked out.  (With the crazy weather we were having, I was afraid it would get stuck in shipping.)

Next, I wandered over to Maybe Maimed but Never Harmed, a blog by a bisexual sub that I enjoy reading.  His current post was his feelings that men who pay Dommes (like I do) are whoring out their submission and that they are the "most unethical sluts" around.  Yikes!  My alarm bells immediately went off and I mashed the comments link to leave my thoughts.

I had the "to pay or not to pay" debate at one time and have had this discussion with Mistress as well.  After only a short time, it was a no-brainer to me to offer up the modest monthly tribute that I currently pay.  On a typical day, I’ll chat with Mistress on and off all day and get a personal assignment for the evening.  I also spend time in a phone session at least once per week, receive wonderful gifts from Mistress, and also get the honor of getting to visit her in person.  This is all very time consuming and a great deal of work on Mistress’s part and I’m happy to help provide something for her so she can focus on "her boys" full time.

I’ve heard the argument that "paying for it" cheapens the experience somehow or hurts the scene in general.  I personally don’t see it at all.  The two "non-pro" Dommes I saw previously put me in horrible situations and broke my trust severely causing me to leave the scene behind for almost 10 years.  In my opinion, I’d rather tribute a real lifestyle pro-Domme like Mistress Trecia who has the experience and professionalism to prevent those types of issues.  I agree that there are "phone sex Dommes" who are just in it for the money and agree that they aren’t the best thing for us subbies, but there are true Dommes out there doing this for a living.

After I posted my rebuttal, MayMay (proprietor of the aforementioned blog) did say that he thought the relationship Mistress Trecia and I share is not par for the course and not at all what he was talking about.  He did hint that he didn’t agree with money changing hands, but his caveats and further discussion really softened the tone of his original post and I think we got to a point where we acknowledged each other’s views and agreed to disagree on a few points.  I even put MayMay back on my blog roll, having removed him in a huff after my first read of his post.

Finally (and completely burying the lead as far as I’m concerned), I came out to a friend today.  I’ve been weighing finding someone I know and letting them into this part of my life.  Partially, I wanted someone who knew me that I could discuss my feelings about all that’s going on, but I also wanted to solidify this as part of myself by taking it out of the anonymous webspace and into my "real" life.

This friend had some time back trusted me with a personal secret of his own which made me trust him in return.  He had also peripherally discussed some BDSM topics in the past, so I knew he wasn’t completely vanilla and would be hip enough to understand what I was revealing.  As a first baby step, I sent a copy of the post-piercing picture.  His immediate reply was "that’s not you, is it?"  I replied that yes, it was.  When he asked why I got a piercing, I replied with the truth (it is an ownership marking from a Domme I’ve been seeing) and also provided him a link to my blog article about the piercing. 

His reaction completely floored me when he revealed that he, too, is part of the scene, mainly as a Top.  Of course, once I had that piece of knowledge, I was able to think back and smack myself on the forehead for not noticing the clues that would have allowed me to put it together sooner.  (I like to think that my subconscious actually did  pick up on them which is why I automatically thought of him when I chose to come out to a friend, but that’s just me trying to not to feel like an idiot.)

So, long story short, we traded IMs and chatted for a bit, feeling each other out and (at least for me) getting some additional information to help me view my friend in this new context.  We are planning to get together one evening for next week for drinks and to discuss further and I can’t wait to pick his brain.  It also dawned on me that I now have a connection to the Chicago scene and can maybe make some more friends as well.

I still owe Mistress her 34 minutes of stroking tonight, so I’m about to sign off and get them in before I turn in, putting an end to one crazy day.