Starting a FemDom marriage in the Vanilla Kingdom

Baby Steps

Saturday night my wife and I had a major blowout.  It started with a simple question on her part:  "Do you still want me?"

I couldn’t give her an answer and she freaked.  (And, in retrospect, rightly so.)  We spent a few hours going around and around and just making each other crazy.  She wanted assurances that we were going to stay together and I wanted her to understand that, unless we fix our relationship, it just wasn’t going to happen.

We went to bed in our separate rooms hurt and angry.

Today, I helped a friend move and did a lot of thinking.  (I also did some crying while in the car between my friend’s old and new places.)  One thing I figured out is that my wife didn’t realize what D/s really was nor understand how important it was to me to feed that part of my sexuality.  So, when I got home, I typed out a two-page letter to her describing what subbing meant to me and why it was so important.

As soon as she read the letter, she came downstairs and we started to talk.  She confessed that she thought the worst when I mentioned D/s relationships.  First, she thought that this was purely sexual which is not the case.  It’s about subspace and power exchange and servitude.  She also had some pretty wild ideas about what D/s is really like, so we talked about some of my past sessions with Mistress Natalie and Mistress Debbie to give her an idea about what it was really all about.

We also picked up a copy of the book Different Loving, a compilation of articles all about the D/s dynamic so that we both can better understand it.  We’re going to read it together this week.

At the end of our discussion, she acknowledged that she was beginning to understand what I’ve been talking about and the importance of D/s in my life.  I acknowledged my commitment to make our marriage work and to do everything I can to try and balance these two needs.

What I feel worst about is describing all this to Mistress.  She has been incredibly gracious and I keep reassuring her that I’m still dedicated to her and that my devotion has not wavered.  I’m still afraid that she will think that I’m trying to move away from her, but is not the case.  I know it seems odd that I’m working on my marriage and, at the same time, worried that Mistress Trecia is getting the wrong idea, but she has been a huge pillar of support for me and is actually the catalyst for the work my wife and I are doing.  She also has turned my life around personally to the point where I’ve stopped taking antidepressants.

Mistress has been an incredible  positive force in my life and I hope every day that I’ve done enough to let her know how important she is to me. 

I have a really fun assignment ahead of me tonight, so I’m going to stop writing and get to it.  Tune in Monday for an in-depth report on the ErosTek.

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