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Starting a FemDom marriage in the Vanilla Kingdom

Truth & Consequences

On Tuesday, I confessed everything to my wife.  Trecia, my trip to visit her, everything.

She seemed to take it well and we started to move forward.

Then she read the blog.

I don’t think she understood the power D/s has over me and how much of myself I gave to Trecia. 

After an amazing day yesterday (we even did some shopping for "toys" on-line), she started to read the blog last night.  I was woken at 2:30 a.m. by her screaming at the computer.

We talked for a few hours, but the rage and anger I was expecting Monday finally surfaced.

I’m afraid now that it’s over.

I love my wife, but I keep hurting her. 

I don’t know what to do.  She made the point that whenever I want something, I take it, regardless of the costs or consequences and she’s right.

Around 5 a.m., I came downstairs so she could think.  Just before I had done so, she mentioned wanting to pack a bag and move to her sister-and-law’s house.

I know I could probably smooth talk her and tell her again about how I’ve seen her in this amazing new light, but 2 days of "magic" after 16 years of one fuck up after another isn’t really a good selling point.

And here I am pushing her away for her "own good" again.

But, then again, that’s how I feel.  I don’t even trust myself any longer.  Back in my history posts, I kept talking about how Crystal Meth was responsible for my bad decision making.  I realized this morning that it was just another excuse and that I am the person that was making those decisions.  Making these  decisions.  Making the decision that everything will be alright now if she would just do this or that for me .

And what sucks even more is that, even now, I can’t say I regret my time with Trecia because of how it helped me deal with the demons of my past and come to terms with who I am.  That’s not to say that I regret how I handled things overall, but that might just be being pissed that I got "caught".

I normally don’t just vomit thought out onto the blog without putting together in my head first, so I apologize for the tone and nakedness of this post.

I’ll post some more later when I’m feeling a little more coherent.

1 Comment so far

  1. JIM April 26th, 2007 8:18 am

    OK, first off, let me say this. If you told her everything, and she was OK, with it, what did she expect on the blog??? Pissed about the Mistress or pissed about you writing about her?

    I mean knowing a bit about this, I think the blog just gave her a “way out” after thinking about it again.

    Yes, you can say your “pushing her away for her own good”, but thats what I was telling myself when I broke it off with my Ex-husband. But you know what, it’s partly true, If your not happy in a relationship, why be in it. And I think that it just gave her her little “way out” without feeling like it was “her”. She said it and you said it, she like to be in control, and she would not handle something well if “you” broke it off instead of her. But yes, you take the good and take the bad, but when the bad out weighs the good, you kinda need to move on.

    Head up old boy, it’s not always one side that “causes” everything. So, it is not all your fault.

    “JIM”

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