sub-burbs

Last night, I went to my friend’s Ben house after work.  We’ve been friends for a number of years and first met on a game company’s mailing list when I was looking for local people to attend a game event I was hosting.  He was the only one who showed up and we forged a quick friendship.

During the last year, we’ve grown closer as friends when he confided in me about some serious struggles he was having in his life.  Because we were connected on that level, I chose him as my second "coming out" and because I thought I owed him my own falling from grace story and personal struggle.

I laid the story out pretty plainly and waited for his response.  He was completely shocked and confessed that he thought I was going to tell him that I had lost all of our money gambling.  (I used to be a heavy on-line poker player once upon a time.)  He took things in stride and even asked some really intelligent questions about Jacqueline and I and where we were going.  He said that it also seemed like something good was going to come out of all the pain and hurt which, while not excusing it, would at least make it suffering for the sake of something.

I knew he was cool with it when, after we had gotten some dinner at a local restaurant, he asked, "So….when can I start making fun of you for this stuff?"  I told him that I would lob a softball to get him started and told him my new "necklace" was locked around my neck.  He just started laughing and said that it was no fun if I was going to make it easy for him.  The good-natured kidding showed me that he "got it" and didn’t consider it taboo in the fun little personal attacks we engage in on a regular basis (the hipper version of the "Yo Mamma" game).

When I got home, Jacqueline told me that she had been doing some talking as well.  She had called Thomas, an old high-school friend who is actually a Shibari enthusiast and used to use my naked wife for knot-tying practice during the time when we were separated.  (I didn’t know that until last night.)  He believed that I had completely crossed the line and horribly abused my wife’s trust, but was envious of the direction we’re headed in.  As he put it to my wife, "You’re my hero".

My wife also blew his mind with a revelation about the local BDSM community around where he lives in Minneapolis/St. Paul.  He was amazed that there was an active community in MSP which is especially funny since I was afraid of running into him at the parties assuming that he was already well plugged into that scene.  The fact that I’m pointing him in the right direction is surreal.

We then spent some time discussing the punishment I received earlier that day and Jacqueline’s fears that I thought she wasn’t "good enough" to fulfill my Domme fantasies and needs.  I told her that, when we deiced to try this out until the house was finished, I gave myself some criteria and questions that would help me decide at the point if we should go forward.

They were all pretty simple:  Is Jaci enjoying her role as Domme?  (Especially, is she getting an emotional and/or physical charge out of our time "in session"?)  Have I been able to see Jaci as a Domme?  Has she been willing to learn and take D/s and my connection to it seriously?  And so on.

In less than a week, Jacqueline has already fulfilled all of the questions and criteria I had and we’ve just gotten started.  To me, the "breaking point" was mainly a chance for us to say "is this working at all" and not to an opportunity to say, "Well, we’re about 40% of the way there.  I guess we have to quit now."  She, on the other hand, was really concerned that, even after everything that we’ve experience together over the past week, I was going to say "Nope – not good enough" and walk away.

I reassured her that I was letting her set the pace and that my initial fears that this was possibly not a real thing between us were satiated to the point where I am really happy with our relationship and hopeful about the future.

Tonight, we’re going to Native Rituals to get my piercing ring replaced with one of Miss Jacqueline’s choosing and should return home to a huge box from Amazon with the next round of books as we delve deeper into our exciting new life.