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Starting a FemDom marriage in the Vanilla Kingdom
Archive for May 17th, 2007

Meltdown

Jacqueline and had (and survived) our first fight in our new roles.

After hearing about the Master/slave Conference in July, I read the list of workshops and panels that were going to be available and it sounded like a perfect fit for us.  Most were about maintaining 24/7 D/s relationships and what to do when real life intrudes into your dynamic.

Tuesday morning, Jacqueline asked me to list the workshops that I would like to attend and a short explanation of why.  It was a slow day at work, so I spent about 3 hours going through the entire list and only saw two that didn’t seem to be worth our while (both were about polyamory in D/s relationships).  I presented the list to Jaci so she could read it on the drive home.  She got really upset but wouldn’t talk about it or tell me why.  She even started to cry in the grocery store as we were shopping that night.

We fought in the car and again when we got home.  I was completely confused and had no idea why she was so upset.

Finally, Jacqueline got down to the truth.  First, she thought I was pushing her into something she didn’t want to do just like old times.  She was completely overwhelmed by the topics and thought of going to some kind of "round table" made her feel like a fraud for calling herself a Domme.  I told her that I was really interested in going, but that it was completely her call.  (I reminded her that she gets final say on everything now, even this.)

Then, based on her take on the descriptions of the workshops, she confessed that she thought I wanted to become a mindless robot for her to boss around and that she would lose the "me" she fell in love with.  I assured her that wasn’t the case.  My need to serve has been a part of me for a very long time, before I even met her, so the person she’s always known is the same one that wants to submit to her. 

I also told her that I basically just wanted her to rule the house.  Her word is law and, if she wants it, I will freely give my opinion with the understanding that her word is final.  My desire to cook and clean for her is just an extension of me respecting Her rule.  Jacqueline then asked a number of questions about service and why she would practically have to bribe me to do dishes but that I now do them happily.  I told her I still don’t like doing dishes, but adore serving her and the warm fuzzy I get makes up for my dislike of the task. 

We then came around to discuss the conference again and Jaci said she hated the use of the terms Master and slave and the negative connotations they have.  I said that many people in the community use those labels and that it was something she would probably have to reconcile with herself.  I also said that labels have a pretty broad meaning and that they can apply to people in different ways.  I used "puppy" as an example which I use to describe myself (I like my hair stroked and being called a "good puppy"), but can also be used to describe someone who wears ears and a tail and eats out of a dish.

Also, we talked about the money it would take to go.  Our remodelling project from hell is finally almost done and our refinancing is waiting on the post-upgrade inspection and appraisal.  I offered to give up money she was planning to give me for my game convention trip this fall and also put another chunk of my board game collection up on eBay.

After the talk, we were back to our normal selves and the issue was resolved in our minds.  Jacqueline said that she would consider the conference and I told her that I would not mention it unless she asked again.

All in all, I think the fight went pretty well.  We went from shouting to constructive talk pretty quickly and ended up feeling like we had put the issue to rest at the end, something that is a big improvement over our past fights.  I’m hoping that this becomes the norm and that our communication will continue grow from here.  A huge part of D/s is being open and honest, so I think the two dynamics are helping each other.

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