Update
Hello! Sorry for the silence this past week, but I’ve been wrestling with the post I’ve been writing.
During a workshop at Thunder, Gloria Brame described pro Dommes as "a plague on our community". Based on that, I’ve been doing some soul searching and reexamining my previous stance As with all things, however, I’ve gotten myself sucked into a gray area and have been trying to figure out exactly where I stand. Thus far, I’ve rewritten big pieces of the article three times without it coming out exactly how I want it to.
Since this is such a hot-button issue, I decided to take my time and will only publish it once it accurately states my feelings. I’d hate to start a flame war when I’m not completely sure of my own views.
In other news, the baby is coming along nicely. MJ is almost 12 weeks along now and every test shows things are going just about perfectly. I’m still holding my breath and haven’t told anyone I know the news yet for fear that my heart will be broken again. This is the best things have gone thus far and the doctor has said we’re pretty much home free (the fertility doc is just about to release my wife back to her OB/GYN as there is nothing else he can do), but there is still that nagging fear that says I shouldn’t get my hopes up just yet.
Our D/s life has been somewhat on hold with all that has been going on. MJ and I had a talk about small things that would help me through the "dry spell", mainly getting small tasks around the house and a head pat now and again.
MJ did give me one treat - we went out to Chipotle the other night for dinner and after fetching food, drinks, and silverware my waiting Goddess, She told me to sit down and bow my head, after which she reached across the table, patted my head, and said "good boy". The praise and such a D/s gesture in a public place were enough to have me glowing for the rest of the night.
Next week, I’ll be out of town at a gaming convention (one of my annual traditions that MJ thankfully is letting me keep) and after that I hope MJ and I can get back into the club scene or at least have some playtime at home.
I have been missing the unique sensation that only comes from submitting to Her wonderful tortures…
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Hi,
Pregnancy will change your relationship and you might get to a point where overt sexuality disappears for a while (especially in the 3rd trimester). I started to feel less sexual and submissive but more protective of Em toward the end. Hang in there. Your old patterns and appetites resurface.
Our daughter is going on 3 and Em, 38, is more sexually motivated and more generally dominant and demanding than she’s ever been.
She’s been having lots of fun getting me bound and gagged then playing me with our new ErosTec toys.
Best,
scott
Mrs. Kelly’s Playhouse
With all due respect to Gloria …
That is too much of a generalization.
An ethical professional dominatrix, like any sex worker provides a service some people need. I don’t think, Mistress Matisse, is a plague on anything.
The faux-domme, the women who setup websites thinking it any easy way to make a buck: they are bad.
Psmith, generalizations stated as such are not typically inaccurate. I sincerely doubt Gloria, like myself, thinks of every single pro-domme as part of a cancer, but her general sentiment is far from unfounded. I’d also challenge the people who (in general) think they “need” the services of a professional dominatrix to rethink what it is they actually need and why they think paying for the service is how they are best able to get it.
Also, Chris, I just wanted to say I totally, totally relate to the wonderful feeling of having part of my D/s dynamic with Eileen expressed freely in public. It is most common when we are simply walking down the street and she is holding me at the back of my neck, sometimes by my steel collar. *Dreamy sigh.*
There is a lot more nuance to the issue than “Pro Bad” which is why I’m having a more difficult time with the post than I expected.
The gist of the issue is a swarm of (quoting Dr. Brame) “do me Internet subs” that are used to getting what they pay for. In fairness, my non-pro relationships fell somewhat into that category which is why I’m having difficulty with true, pure submission now - it’s something I’ve never actually experienced until now.
If Gloria’s main problem is with “do me Internet subs,” then I don’t see why she would call pro Dommes a plague on the BDSM community. That would be the same as saying fry cooks are a plague on the culinary community. Some people want their McDommes, served as quickly as possible, drive through wanking service preferable. Many online Dommes are merely marketing gimmicks becuz they are shrewd bizwomen. It’s the law of supply and demand. I don’t boilerplate any of my stuff, but I understand how sincere subs feel pretty jaded about the whole online pro Domme thing. But, on the flip side, many of us sincere Dommes are pretty jaded about the drive by subs. It’s too bad that Gloria appears to want to use pro Dommes as a scapegoat.
Wow, I’m pretty disappointed Gloria Brame said that. As a ProDomme who was kinky in personal life before and after going pro naturally I don’t agree.
I’ve met many women who for whatever reason can’t “get” a man in vanilla life. So they decide to be Dom or sub because there’s more available men in the BDSM world. They’re not really into the lifestyle but enjoy all the dating opportunities.
Personally, I think those types of women are a lot worse to the community as a whole than a ProDomme. But since they’re not charging money they don’t get called a plague.
Another thought.
One could also argue that authors who jump on the BDSM book craze are a plague to our community. I mean they could be writing dangerous myths about the lifestyle…
But who gets to draw the line on who’s “authentic” enough? Why does Gloria get to make money off BDSM and the fetish world and other people are a plague on the lifestyle? I believe she also does paid phone counceling, similar to what I do? Am I a plague and she is not?
Do you know if there’s a place on her blog or in her writings where she says this? If so would you email me? I’d like to write my own blog post on this as well. Thank you!
I was at the workshop where Gloria Brame said that. She is not really anti-pro-domme - she made that pretty clear. She was, however, enumerating bad influences on femdom, and pro dommes were one of the things she listed.