sub-burbs

Starting a FemDom marriage in the Vanilla Kingdom

Catching Up on the Back Story

In the coming weeks, I’m going to be doing a lot to promote the blog.  I’ve also noticed an influx of new readers thanks to my return to the Sugasm feed.

Because of this, I wanted to create a summary of the story thus far.  The crucial events that started all of this are over a year away now and you need some of that information to appreciate the on-going narrative.

There’s also the issue of the massive volume of content.  As part of this project, I dumped the entire blog into a single document and printed it out - it was 192 pages single spaced!  (I had no idea there was that much stacked up in the archive.)

So, in the interest of catching everyone up and highlighting the crucial posts that make up the heart of this site, here is "sub-Burbs: The Cliff Notes Edition":

The (very) short version:

Just after New Year’s Day 2007, I finally embraced my need to be a submissive.  The problem is that I was married and chose to live out this realization with a Domme I met on the Internet instead of my wife.  In April of that same year, I confessed my affair to my wife and, in an outcome that shocked me completely, She decided to allow me to serve Her and became Miss Jacqueline (MJ).  Ever since, we’ve been working toward balancing our D/s lifestyle with our vanilla marriage and the birth of our daughter in early 2008.

The long version:

The road that brought me to this point was not only a really rocky one, but also an incredibly well documented one.  I was writing every single day chronicling the near destruction of my marriage and my intense struggles as I tried to come to terms with who and what I was.

Over time, the site became the portrait of a lost man as he tried to reconnect with his wife after a horrible betrayal and his redemption through service.  I’ve kept the entire story here (with the blessing of MJ) as a lesson to those who are on the same path I was in the hopes that they may learn from my mistakes.

History

These posts document my history from my first sexual awakening to my first submissive inklings to my first steps into BDSM.

Mistress Trecia

Fast forward to 2006.  My wife and I weren’t exactly on the rocks, but our sex life was nonexistent.  I had gone to a shrink and was put on antidepressants which just made me feel like I was sitting still watching life fly by.  I wasn’t sad anymore, I just was and nothing more.

In the late part of that year, I was looking for some erotic audio to entertain myself and stumbled across the podcast of Mistress Trecia.  She was an Internet Domme who specialized in "tease and denial", something I had never previously experienced but was immediately drawn to.

I won’t even pretend to understand what made me send those first nervous e-mails in January 2007.  I do remember thinking that I was just reaching out to better understand the BDSM side of my sexuality and that there was no way anything over the Internet could have any major impact on my life.

I was, of course, horribly, horribly wrong.

The bottled up submissive inside myself that I had managed to hide for 10 years came rushing out and I completely lost control of the situation.  No one put a gun to my head - I fully admit they were my own bad decisions.  However, I was swept up in a rush of emotion and lust and temporarily lost myself.

I worked out a financial arrangement where I was paying Mistress Trecia a monthly fee so I could get regular webcam and phone sessions and be in constant contact with her.

Right around that time, I started this blog as a tribute to my new Mistress.  Due to the nervous nature of my first e-mails to Mistress Trecia, she dubbed me her "timid boy" and I immediately adopted that as my on-line alter ego.  I registered timidboy.com and named my blog "Confessions of a Timid Boy - My Journey Into Subspace".  I was assigned the task of writing daily as a tribute, but the writing for me became a way to think out loud and to process the rush of emotions I was experiencing.

"The Wife"

Right around this time, I stopped taking my anti-depressants and told my wife I had found a radical new counselor who was going to help me find myself again. 

In order to hide my new relationship, I found all sorts of ways to lie to my wife.  My denial was so deep that I blogged on several occasions about my hope that someday Mistress Trecia and my wife would work together so I could remain happily married and a sub at the same time.

The Trip

Within a few weeks of first contacting Mistress Trecia, I decided I was going to travel up to Minnesota and visit her in person.  I told my wife that this new counselor of mine was holding a retreat for some of her patients and that it would be helpful and therapeutic for me.  I had to keep spinning lie after lie in order to make it work, but I was so deep into the relationship with Mistress Trecia that I never considered the eventual cost of all this selfish deception I was using to get what I wanted.

On March 28, 2007, I drove from Chicago to Minneapolis and spent five days with Mistress Trecia.  Just so you don’t think I’m a complete monster, I did have several crying jags racked with guilt throughout the week during times I was alone in my hotel room reflecting on the insane situation I had put myself in.  The blog was supposed to be a devotion to Mistress Trecia in those days, so I didn’t blog about any of my guilt or doubt. 

The Fallout

After I returned from my trip, I continued my service to Mistress Trecia, but had finally realized that I couldn’t keep up my double life.  I had to confront my wife and discuss what was going on.

I started with more lies (always a great way to start a new relationship) and "came out" about my submissive nature without telling her I was already in the service of a professional Domme.  I was still clinging to the insane idea that somehow Mistress Trecia and my wife were going to team up someday.

On April 21, 2007 (our 16th wedding anniversary), my wife told me that she had given it a lot of thought and that she wanted to be my Domme.  Rather than embrace her, I regarded her with suspicion thinking that she was just trying to hold on to me by any means necessary and got incredibly mean and nasty during the ensuing fight.  (The real irony here was that my wife trusted me enough to let me travel to Minnesota to attend a "counseling seminar" with a woman she didn’t know and I didn’t trust her enough to accept her word that she was willing to embrace D/s to help complete me.)

The following day, cooler heads prevailed and we discussed D/s in greater detail and I realized that she was honestly interested in trying out a D/s marriage for both our sakes.  During that talk I realized that in order to serve my wife I’d have to say goodbye to Mistress Trecia, so I asked her to release me from my service immediately thereafter.

On April 24th, I confessed everything to my wife and gave her the URL to my blog.  She seemed to take it pretty well, but once she started reading the full depth of my betrayal came to light and she was rightly incredibly angry.  (She ended up staying up the entire night and reading the blog in one 8-hour sitting.)

After a rough couple of days, we started to reconnect and MJ decided that she still wanted to give a full-time D/s marriage a try.  MJ locked a steel collar around my neck (one that looked like a necklace so I could wear it 24/7) and I became her servant.  The days that followed in the summer of 2007 was an amazing time in our relationship.  We ventured out into the local BDSM community in Chicago, joined a private BDSM club in the city, and even traveled to Colorado together to attend Thunder in the Mountains.

During that time, I dropped my original blog name and design and it became sub-Burbs, a celebration of our Femdom marriage.

Baby Makes Three

In July 2007, we discovered that MJ was pregnant.  We had been trying for years and this was a complete unplanned shock and surprise.  After we returned from Thunder, we had a long talk about the fate of our D/s arrangement now that she was pregnant (and with a high-risk pregnancy at that). 

After an emotional discussion, MJ released me and removed my collar.  The blog went dark for weeks at a time as we went back to our normal marriage.  This time, however, things were different.  The amazing summer we spent together brought us a lot closer and made me fall in love with MJ in a whole new way.  Despite getting engaged three months after a chance encounter when we were 19, we actually are perfect for each other.   We were both confident that our D/s lives would resume in some fashion after the baby came.

Our daughter was born in February 2008 and once MJ had recovered from the difficult process of giving birth, we had a long talk about our D/s future.  We are still figuring things out, but we have reconnected sexually and both agree that there is a place in our lives for D/s and that we are committed to finding the right balance to make us both happy. 

Stay tuned as our story continues…

I’m happy to answer any questions either privately or in the site’s comments.  You can reach me directly at chris@sub-burbs.com.

3 Comments so far

  1. Ellie May 4th, 2008 3:05 pm

    I came across your blog a few weeks ago and this really helps me with getting into it. I look forward to following the story.

  2. Laura May 15th, 2008 10:45 am

    Thank you for the recap. It completely sucked me in and I plan to read all of your posts starting at the very beginning. I would also like to thank you for sharing your story - there are those of us who are not as brave as you have been and for the time being must sub vicariously through your posts. I would also like to add that your wife must be a treasure and love you very much. I hope that the two of you can continue to make your relationship work even with the new member of your family.

  3. Chris May 17th, 2008 8:10 am

    Laura May: Understanding that you are a sub and knowing that part of yourself is half the battle. I’m sure you will find a way to venture into this wonderful world and experience the joy firsthand!

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