Starting a FemDom marriage in the Vanilla Kingdom

Archive for July, 2008

It’s a Brand New Day

Things are better now.

MJ and I had the first part of our talk last night.  MJ started by saying that things weren’t as dire as she made them sound Monday and that she was having a bad day and it amplified what she was actually feeling.

She also started listing off the things that were causing her to be upset in the first place.  The biggest thing was that she didn’t trust that I really wanted to be a service sub because she doesn’t see me take the initiative to do things for her.  She said that if I were the type of person who doted on her every second that it would make more sense, but that she feared that I would become resentful if she just started making me do things that I didn’t want to do.

My first response was to remind MJ that she explicitly told me that she didn’t want me taking the initiative and preferred to give me specific assignments.  I also pointed out that I do frequently volunteer to help out but that she usually tells me that she doesn’t need my help.

MJ sheepishly admitted that she realizes that she put me in an impossible situation.  Her want to control things (including what I do around the house and how the tasks are done) conflicted with her desire for me to do stuff without being told.

Finally, MJ said that she was getting the feeling like I was stalling our talk.  While I did ask for more time initially, I was not bringing it up in the past couple of weeks because I didn’t want MJ to feel like I was pushing her or rushing the situation.  She agreed that it made sense and that it was just a misfired communication on both our parts.

After that was cleared up, we talked about my desire to be a service sub and what that would mean.  I told her that I’m most happy when I’m doing stuff for her and when I see she is pleased with my work.  I need to be needed and when I am, I feel most fulfilled.

By the time we hashed out all of this, it was getting late so we decided to table the rest of the talk for this weekend.  MJ has a list of devotions and chores that she wants me to take on, my first step to once again becoming a 24/7 sub.  As a last gesture, MJ invited me back into her bed.

Today, I’m feeling better about our relationship and am kinda shocked that I hit such a low point yesterday.  I was really feeling betrayed and deeply hurt which in turn made me feel hopeless, partly because I was afraid that a Femdom marriage was just some crazy pipe dream which could never become a reality. 

Fortunately, I was wrong and things look like they are going to be okay.  I need to get better about confronting MJ when I am feeling this way because all of this could have been solved with a short conversation rather than blowing up into the situation that occurred. 

I thankfully have a fantastic and loving wife who deep down understands my needs and is trying to help me fulfill them.

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There hasn’t been much on the site lately, primarily because things in our household ground to a halt awhile back and there hasn’t been any D/s news to report.  It seems, however, that the dearth of news is just a symptom of a serious issue.

I know something has been really bothering MJ, but she hasn’t wanted to talk about it.  This is usually means that (a) she’s mad at me for some reason and (b) it’s something so bad that she’s afraid to talk to me about it because she fears my reaction.

The stress of having something hanging between has really been getting to me.  Over the weekend, I had one of those nightmares where you’re in danger but stuck in slow motion and can’t stop what’s happening.  It was so frustrating that I woke up yelling, freaking the hell out of MJ and the cats and waking the baby.

Last night, MJ finally said that something has been bothering her for over a month and that we might get some time to talk about it on Saturday.  I tried to get her to talk to me then, but she just headed upstairs to bed without a word.

About an hour after I went to bed, MJ woke me up to tell me I was snoring and that she was going to the guest bedroom.  This normally isn’t a big deal and usually ends with me going in her stead since I know the bed in that room is bad for her back.  MJ usually makes a point of telling me it’s nothing personal and that when the allergy attack that is stuffing me up is over I’m welcome back.

This time, she said that my snoring wouldn’t have bothered her, but she’s so upset that she’s not sleeping well.

Ah - so we’re doing the passive aggressive thing now.  Great.

I slept like shit and woke up feeling like hell.  On the way to work, I managed to successfully plaster the happy-go-lucky persona on so I could go through the day without having people asking what was wrong.  I’m having an unusually hard time keeping it in place today.  (I almost burst into tears in the elevator on the way up to my floor.)

Is everyone’s life this hard?  Is everyone else putting on their own masks?  Are they hiding this kind of pain beneath their jovial co-worker exteriors?

God, I hate this.  I hate it because I feel like I don’t have any room to complain due to my past behavior.  I hate it because I now have a baby to raise and protect and feel like I can’t make decisions based on what I want any more.  I hate it because it’s probably something that we can easily solve if MJ and I had any communication skills whatsoever.  I hate it because it feels like there is no way out of this situation.

I hate it because it hurts.

Update:  MJ wanted me to make the following two notes because she felt this post was a little harsh and one-sided.  First, when she went up to bed last night, she actually got an ice cream for herself and asked if I wanted one then went upstairs.  (It wasn’t without saying a word as I stated.)  She also says that she wasn’t being passive-aggressive last night but just telling the truth: she was having a hard time sleeping because she was upset and my snoring was bothering her.

Update 2:  We had our talk and things got better.

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TMI Tuesday #142 - Deadly Sins Edition

1. LUST: Besides your current Significant Other who do you lust for or have you lusted for?

As previously discussed, Melanie Anton and pre-skinny Sara Rue are my two biggest lusts.  There’s also this woman at work whom I would love to see naked.  (She’s heavyset and has amazingly impressive breasts.  She is also incredibly sweet, so I always wind up feeling guilty after I sneak a glance.)

2. GLUTTONY: What food brings out your inner glutton?

Cheese.  I love all kinds, especially if it is hot and gooey on top of other foods.

3. GREED: What are you greedy for?

Games.  I’m a board and card game collector and currently have over 400 titles. 

4. SLOTH: What is your plan for an ideal day of sloth?

Sitting on the couch watching movies or playing video games.  I’m a big fan of escapist entertainment.

5. WRATH: Describe a time that you let out a can of whoop ass on someone.

I had a former coworker who did nothing except create more work for everyone else.  So, I got a copy of her resume, corrected all the spelling errors (it’s a miracle we hired her), and started faxing it out to other firms.  The topper was when, in a fit of anger, I Googled "magazine free trial" and spend an entire day signing her up for every magazine that came up.  (The final list was over 500 publications including such gems as the gay travel digest "Out & About" and "Icelandic Horse and Travel Magazine".)  She eventually left, but the guys I work with are still scared of me.

6. ENVY: Who or what do you envy? Why?

I envy rich people.  I’d love to have the freedom to work at a job I love that paid next to nothing and also stay home with my Miss and daughter as much as possible.

7. PRIDE: Have you ever had to swallow your pride? What are you proud of?

In the corporate world, you basically have to swallow your pride on a daily basis.  One of my former team leaders was a woman with a lot of power who like to take credit for everyone’s work.  If you tried to prevent her from doing so, she would start calling you out during meetings to make you look stupid and also spread nasty rumors about you.  It was easier to suck it up and let her have the credit.

I’m proud of my family and of the fact that we’ve managed to salvage our marriage and work out a relationship where we can both be happy.

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Supernanny = Super Hot?

SupernannyES_243x470Am I the only one that finds Jo "Supernanny" Frost incredibly hot?

Now that we have a little one at home, MJ has been picking up parenting guidance from a variety of books and shows, including several of Ms. Frost’s.  The more I watch her, the more smitten I become.

Between her sexy curves, the wonderful accent, and that "I am not amused, boy!" look over the tops of her glasses, I just find her so very attractive. She doesn’t even need any fetish wear to complete the sexy Domme look.  (Of course, adding a flogger or riding crop would be nice…)

I know that Supernanny is just a persona, but the real Jo Frost is actually very attractive as well with an especially lovely smile.

MJ will, of course, always be my ideal woman and the Gold Standard for how wonderful and supportive a wife and Mistress is supposed to be.  That doesn’t mean, however, that I can’t imagine what a fictitious session with the Supernanny would be like. 

Now there is some erotic fan fiction that I need to write!

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Sugasm #138

The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #139? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form.

This Week’s Picks
You’re going to come for me.
“I imagined her, bound. Wrists behind her back, whimpering.”

Champagne Orgasms
“I cry out, begging for him to stop, begging him not to”

Tie one on
“He slipped his hands under my blouse and teased my nipples and breasts with his strong hands.”

Mr. Sugasm Himself
Sugar Bank

Editor’s Choice
The Look

Join the Sugasm

See also: Fleshbot’s Sex Blog Roundup each Tuesday and Friday.

Erotic Writing and Experiences
Cunt Sucking. Confession #75
Dirty Girl
The education of Ava
Foot fantasy
Fucking the blonde on the beach-2
Good slave
lolidoll’s Ass Inspired Poetry - HNT
The picture that launched a thousand…….sperm
Questions and Answers
Spin The Bottle - Part Two
The Tutor
The Wrath Of Eve

Sex & Politics
Existential Crisis, or There is a Cum Shot At the End of This Post

BDSM & Fetish
Alas, still not enough
BDSM & Race
A good deed
Hard OTK bare ass spankings of naughty girls!
Hot Night
I Slapped Her Face With My Cock And Coated Her Tits With Hot Wax
I Was Naked When I Wrote This
A jagged soft puzzle
The Lilith Obsession, Part the Third
Mojada, castigada y humillada…
Panties for Men
Punishment in the Woods
A scene in two parts.
Trying To Understand Pain & Sexual Arousal, As Well As Unwanted Emotions From Certain Types Of Play
Watershed: She Takes Command
We finally get to really play again
Would the Real Mistress Please Stand Up?
Yellow, Black, and Red
You can be a PIG!

Sex Work
Back From The Desert. Kumi Kumi Coco Puff

Sex News, Reviews & Interviews
Bondage Model Carly Parker In One Of The Hottest Hogtied Sessions I’ve Seen
Catalina loves Lochai (An Interview With The Award Winning Photographer and Rigger)
The Countess Reviews “Swingtown”
Pure White Pleasure Tower
Review - Into The Attic
Sex News Roundup
Sgt. Major And Claire Adams In A Hot Erotic Choking Scene

Thoughts on Sex and Relationships
180 Degrees
Another swinging experience … continued
Autobiography of a Masturbator: Porn O’Graphicus, Part I
A Call From An Old Friend
Chivalry and Me
Co-operation makes it happen
It’s not easy being Sexhobbyist
Package Deal
Pain Isn’t *Always* A Good Thing
Pansexuality: Love is Everything

Sex Advice
Feelin’ Hot Hot Hot: Sex And The Summer
He Keeps Losing his Erection…

NSFW Pics, Videos & Audio
A Bruised HNT
Brunette sucks off 3 Guys in office back room
Candice Swanepoel Looking Hot in Lingerie
Free Sexy Videos
Free Videos: Spread legs humiliating caning for delighful babe in shame and pain.
HNT- Nightie Night
Hot Twins spanking in FREE sex chat video
Impertinent Question: What’s Up with the Male G-Spot?
Last Night…..
Marlena - Dream Girl
Mz Berlin Is Fierce In This Demask Corset And Fishnet Stockings

Marlena courtesy of Badgirl’s Hotbox.

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