Starting a FemDom marriage in the Vanilla Kingdom

It’s a Brand New Day

Things are better now.

MJ and I had the first part of our talk last night.  MJ started by saying that things weren’t as dire as she made them sound Monday and that she was having a bad day and it amplified what she was actually feeling.

She also started listing off the things that were causing her to be upset in the first place.  The biggest thing was that she didn’t trust that I really wanted to be a service sub because she doesn’t see me take the initiative to do things for her.  She said that if I were the type of person who doted on her every second that it would make more sense, but that she feared that I would become resentful if she just started making me do things that I didn’t want to do.

My first response was to remind MJ that she explicitly told me that she didn’t want me taking the initiative and preferred to give me specific assignments.  I also pointed out that I do frequently volunteer to help out but that she usually tells me that she doesn’t need my help.

MJ sheepishly admitted that she realizes that she put me in an impossible situation.  Her want to control things (including what I do around the house and how the tasks are done) conflicted with her desire for me to do stuff without being told.

Finally, MJ said that she was getting the feeling like I was stalling our talk.  While I did ask for more time initially, I was not bringing it up in the past couple of weeks because I didn’t want MJ to feel like I was pushing her or rushing the situation.  She agreed that it made sense and that it was just a misfired communication on both our parts.

After that was cleared up, we talked about my desire to be a service sub and what that would mean.  I told her that I’m most happy when I’m doing stuff for her and when I see she is pleased with my work.  I need to be needed and when I am, I feel most fulfilled.

By the time we hashed out all of this, it was getting late so we decided to table the rest of the talk for this weekend.  MJ has a list of devotions and chores that she wants me to take on, my first step to once again becoming a 24/7 sub.  As a last gesture, MJ invited me back into her bed.

Today, I’m feeling better about our relationship and am kinda shocked that I hit such a low point yesterday.  I was really feeling betrayed and deeply hurt which in turn made me feel hopeless, partly because I was afraid that a Femdom marriage was just some crazy pipe dream which could never become a reality. 

Fortunately, I was wrong and things look like they are going to be okay.  I need to get better about confronting MJ when I am feeling this way because all of this could have been solved with a short conversation rather than blowing up into the situation that occurred. 

I thankfully have a fantastic and loving wife who deep down understands my needs and is trying to help me fulfill them.

1 Comment so far

  1. Maitresse Kaysee August 5th, 2008 11:34 am

    Hey there - I’ve been reading your blogs for a while now and I just want to tell you that this was something I struggled with in My early Domme days as well. I just couldn’t grasp the concept of somebody actually being fully filled with the desire to serve Me.

    Suffice it to say that “I get it now!!” I actually have three slaves who desire nothing more than to meet My needs. What I finally “get” is that, in allowing them to do so, I am meeting a very base need in their lives as well so it’s beneficial for all.

    I’m glad to see that the two of you are working through this and I wish the very best for both of you!

    p.s. I’m in Chicago, too :)

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