Part of the reason I’m starting now is that we just picked up a book that is, by far, the most informative book about the D/s dynamic and how to incorporate it into a relationship that I’ve ever read.

The full title of the book is "Uniquely Rika: A Practical, No-Nonsense Approach to a Fulfilling Female-Led, Service-Oriented Dominance and Submission-Based Relationship" and it was penned by Domme Ms. Rika who has maintained her own Femdom marriage for the past 20 years.

Ms. Rika really understands the needs of service subs.  I consider myself in this category and love that special connection when you are able to pamper and take care of the needs of a Domme.  Where her take differs from other views I’ve encountered is that service should be its own reward.  In other words, the reward for a sub who does good service is to be in service in the first place.

An extension of this is her view that scene play and sexual tension (including tease and denial and chastity) are gifts that a Domme can give to a sub but not tied to their primary service in any way.  By offering up gifts instead of rewards a Domme avoids creating a "tit for tat" environment where the sub expects some sort of sexual payment for services rendered.

This was actually a really new take for me on the D/s dynamic, but after some reflection I believe it truly is the key to a successful service-based D/s relationship.  The pleasure for a sub should come from the act of serving.  If not, then you really aren’t a service sub and any long-term relationship built on those principals is bound to fail.

Ms. Rika also points out that every D/s relationship needs a solid vanilla relationship or marriage as a foundation.  This can include, in her opinion, the sub initiating sex if that is something pleasing for the Domme.  MJ enjoys it when I initiate sex and that was something that always seemed weird to me within our D/s relationship.  I’m the sub, right?  It should be the Domme who decides when and how much since she is in charge and not lowly little me.

I think this new approach can actually help me get over that mental hurdle.  If MJ desires me to be more aggressive in the bedroom from time to time, I’m still the sub providing a desired service. 

Finally, despite her view that scene play and orgasm denial are games gifted for the sake of the sub, Ms. Rika gives some fantastic advice and guidelines for these male-centric sexual activities.  Some of the orgasm denial and timed orgasm games are wonderful and I’m hoping MJ will see fit to try some of them out on me!

As I said above, this is the only book I’ve seen that really addresses the realities of forming a long-term D/s relationship and I highly recommend it for any couples who are working toward that goal.  It’s also a great read for any service sub as Ms. Rika explains the core concepts of service and what being a service sub really means.

"Uniquely Rika" is currently available via Amazon, Barnes & Noble,  and Lulu.  Samples of some of the book’s topics can be found on Ms. Rika’s website (where she also runs a discussion forum for those interested in D/s relationships).