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Starting a FemDom marriage in the Vanilla Kingdom

Archive for the 'Devotion / Assignments' Category

Oh, Sweet Release! (Kinda)

MJ gave me a fantastic assignment last night, another of those that looks great on the surface but gives me a realization at how deliciously evil she can be.

When MJ was headed up to bed around 11:30 last night, She told me I could have a stroking assignment.  Better yet, I’d be allowed to cum!  YES!

I was to stroke until I came.  Then, I had to end the session on an edge.  There was no time limit and I could watch whatever porn I desired.  Sounds like a fantastic deal, right?

I settled into MJ’s den with her permission.  Her computer has a way nicer monitor that my little laptop and she also have a nice, high-backed leather chair that is really comfy.  I tapped into my newly downloaded porn stash and started to browse.

I stumbled across some videos from Milked-Males.com and they were everything I had hoped they would be.  The site’s video formula is pretty simple:  tie a guy up and have an attractive women (or two) tease him until he cums.  In other words, HHHHHHHHhhhot

Despite the amazing new video samplings I managed to keep my wits about me for a change and made the build up to orgasm last almost 45 minutes until I finally couldn’t hold out any longer and I let myself cum, my cock throbbing in my hand with each spurt.

Then, of course, the next part of the assignment hit me and I realized that I’d have to keep stroking.  And not just keep stroking, but do so until I hit the edge.

The next 30 minutes was incredibly difficult, the uber-sensitive head of my cock in agony as I kept stroking.  I finally found the pleasure inside the pain and turned the sensations to my advantage, my desire (and cock) growing again until I hit the edge.  Since I was working at full steam trying to get to the edge, I hit it much harder than I anticipated and it took everything I had to hold the second orgasm inside. 

Afterwards, I was left hornier than ever despite my release and aching from the intense sensations of the assignment.

In other words, that…was…AWESOME!

MJ giggled this morning when I related how I rushed into the assignment without considering the last bit of it.  It was exactly as She had planned and left the desired result.  It’s fun to see Her using Her deep knowledge of me to my disadvantage and also great to see the thought and care that She’s been putting into assignments and sessions. 

She really is a natural at this…

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New Assignment / Going Crazy

Since MJ lifted the porn ban, I’ve been on PureTnA constantly and have downloaded about 12 gigs worth in the last week alone.  Granted, some of it was for MJ (She enjoys babysitter themed stories, so I found a huge video archive full of them just for Her), but most was me trying (unsuccessfully) to satiate my growing need.

Whenever I start to get that longing for an orgasm, I immediately start to go overboard to try and compensate.  When I am allowed to touch, I stroke until I’m raw, edging again and again but just making myself more miserable.  Now, I can’t even do that so I’m just winding myself up with an all-you-can-view porn buffet that is just making my desire stronger along with my suffering.

I was contemplating asking MJ for permission to stroke and/or cum tonight (something she despises and usually denies anyway), when I got the following e-mail:

Did you think I forgot you?  Your assignment tonight is 30 min of edge play to submissive female with a male dom or any porn where you watch the male orgasm over and over. I want you to watch men do what you are not allowed to do. Yes, you are not allowed to come!

Mistress Jacqueline

Is it just me, or did it suddenly get warmer in here?   MJ, of course, knows my greatest weaknesses and is an expert at exploiting them.  As much as I want to stroke, I know that this specific assignment will wind me up twice as fast as watching other men cum when I’m being denied just drives me crazy.  (In the past, I’ve found myself at XTube watching cum shot after cum shot until my cock is leaking like a faucet and I’m practically whimpering with acute denial.)

And, as always, I love every minute of it!  (In fact, I need to wait for a little bit before refilling my coffee here at work since the tent pole in my khakis will give away my incredible state of arousal just at the mere thought of tonight’s assignment.) 

I do so love being MJ’s plaything…

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More Assignments!

Since this past weekend, I’ve been putting in extra work to get caught up in my chores.  It’s actually really nice to have the house completely clean and I’ve been taking a lot of pride in the fact that the place is nearly "company ready" at any given time.

As a reward for my extra work this week, MJ treated me to an especially generous assignment last night:  stroke for up to 60 minutes watching any porn I wished.

I didn’t get a chance to start until after 11 p.m., so I decided I was going to good and just stroke for a short while but not overdo it.

Riiiiiight.

I practically had to pry my hand away from my cock at the hour mark, my skin raw and nerves frazzled.  I had edged about once every 5 minutes for the entire time, each time telling myself that I wouldn’t get carried away only to find myself in a stroking frenzy racing up to the very edge before having to practically grind my teeth to the root as I tried to keep from cumming.

One thing that made the session extra tough was the discovery of a new site:  RealTickling.com.  The site features videos of restrained guys being forced to cum, usually with the stroking lasting long after they orgasm, their captors giggling with glee as they are almost brought to tears.  Each is shot professionally with two cameras (for the cum shots they actually show them twice, once from each angle) and the quality is excellent. 

Forced orgasm is one of my ultimate fantasies, so this fed right into my deep-seeded fantasies which, combined with the building ache of my current denial period, put me on edge for almost the entire session.

I really have to laugh at the irony of my complete lack of self control while I’m exercising all my will power to deny myself the orgasm I so desperately want.

What is it about tease and denial that makes me go completely crazy?

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Assignments!

MJ was nice enough to finally give me a couple of stroking assignments last week.

Wednesday, I was to stroke for 30 - 45 minutes and edge at least 5 times looking at any porn I chose.  That was a serious treat after the long spell of denial and my strict "no porn" rule.  I greedily took all 45 minutes and ended up edging at least 8 times before it was over.  Of course, the relief of actually stroking was replaced by a greater longing when I was done, something that spawned a night of erotic dreams and a lingering need during the entire next day.

Thursday, I had to stroke for 30 minutes, but I could only look at pictures of MJ.  I dug deep into my collection and found two sets of pictures I had previously shot of Her.  One was at a sleazy "adult" motel (mirrors on the ceiling, hot tub in the room, etc.) taken just before I left for boot camp in 1989.  (We would be engaged a few months later.)  MJ is wearing a white blouse and dark blue skirt lying on the bed and each shot has her slowly removing her clothing piece by piece until she is topless.  It’s a really hot set and one that I’ve always cherished.

The other set is about 3 rolls of film from the period during our separation.  I had come back to Chicago and we ended up in a hotel together and I took full advantage with my camera.  I ended up with some great shots of MJ in different outfits (including an especially hot school girl dress) down to complete nudes.  She is even playing with her vibrator in a few shots, her face captured in a look of complete ecstasy.

Being married to MJ for so long, I sometimes take for granted the hot, physical origins of our relationship.  The pictures were all incredibly playful and erotic and completely got me going as I tried to complete my 30 minutes without spilling.  It was a challenge - I ended up edging about 6 times in the short half-hour I was allowed.

MJ has promised more assignments to come, so I can’t wait

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Sounding Off

Tonight, Mistress gave me a fun assignment - play with the sounds.

One of the gifts I brought Mistress Trecia on my first visit was a set of sounds, a set of slender (and not so slender) metal rods that are meant to be inserted into the urethra.  During one of my sessions with Mistress, she used the sounds on me and we both really enjoyed the experience. 

Since then, however, there is a new wrinkle - my Prince Albert.  Since the piercing resides in the opening of my cock, I was afraid that I would have to sacrifice the use of this wonderful new toy.  (I’ve always loved "stuffing" and have used objects in the past ranging from aquarium tubing to watercolor brushes with mixed results.)  With this new assignment, however, I would find out.

One extra treat I got (after some pleading) was the ability to stroke during the process.  It’s been several days since I’ve been able to touch myself and I am really feeling the strain.  I know it won’t go anywhere and will probably just make my aching worse, but I really need the physical contact.

So, up in my room, I got everything ready for the night.  I still had a small packet of sterile lube for the sounds and some vinyl gloves (partly for the cleanliness, but partly because I wanted to stroke with them on).  I then climbed into bed (on the towels I laid out for the occasion) and gloved up, lubed up, and started to play.

I took the thinnest sound and inserted it into my cock.  The fit actually was pretty comfortable and I let gravity do its job as the sound sank into my body.  Since you aren’t supposed to push the sounds in (at least not at first), I was afraid my piercing would affect how the sound slid in or make the opening to narrow (with both the barbell and the sound).  My cock became rock hard as I felt the metal slide down inside, finally stopping when only nearly all of the 5" length of the sound was inside me.

Then, I started to stroke.  Wow..  What a feeling!  As I squeezed, I could feel the hard metal sound inside my cock and the metal ring at the tip.  It wasn’t long at all before I was clenching down fighting off another orgasm as I teetered on the edge of release.

I then went to the next bigger size.  That was a much tighter fit and was a little uncomfortable, but after it settled into place it felt much better.  This time, as I stroked I also slowly slide the sound in and out which started to drive me out of my mind with pleasure.  The sound was slick and sticky with my precum as I edged again and again and again, savoring the sensations.

I did try to fit the third largest sound inside, but it was just too big and I couldn’t get the sound to slide in.  Once my piercing has healed fully, I should be able to remove the ring for short play periods and enjoy the full array of sizes.  For now, however, I can still enjoy them (provided Mistress gives her blessing).

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General Updates

I’ve got a bunch of irons in the fire (as they say), so here are some random updates:

  - I finally got to try the ErosTek using Mistress’s voice as the audio source.  (The unit has jacks for external audio and a microphone.)  I was a little disappointed with the results.  First, my MP3 player couldn’t kick out a high enough gain output to really drive the ErosTek.  I was only getting little peaks of signal which didn’t really cut it.  After doing some reading, it looks like the "audio in" jack is more for Phaser support, another e-stim software program that generates audio files for you to use.  I’m still determined to figure this one out and will do some experimenting this weekend.  My new anal probe and cock ring set are due to arrive Friday, so I should be able to so some serious fine tuning.

 - My piercing is healing more every day.  Today, I even did a few playful tugs on the barbell with just a little minor discomfort.  By the time I visit Mistress in a month, it should be ready for some regular handling.  I’ve also finally figured out a combination of things I can do that allow me to pee standing up.  If I restrict the flow using a Kegel clench, hold the barbell end against the piercing, and get close enough to the urinal, I can do it without getting my pants wet and without spraying all over the place.  Until now, I’ve been sitting down to pee during the day then experimenting at home trying to get a technique that worked for me.  While Mistress took great delight in the emasculation of me having to sit down, it was too much of a hassle.

 - Mistress had to cancel our scheduled session tonight.  I completely understand (she had some dental surgery today and is still completely loopy on the drugs) and she gave me a fantastic  assignment in its place, so I really don’t mind.  (I am to play with the sounds to see how they work with my piercing and stroke.  I did have to do a little begging to get permission to stroke, but at three weeks and counting since my last release, I really needed some contact to take the edge off.  It will, of course, make things worse in the long run, but the temporary relief will be worth it.)

 - My next visit with Mistress is exactly four weeks away now.  I’m really happy because I’ve been missing her like crazy since I left, but I’m also a little weary because I have a feeling she’s going to keep me denied until I arrive which means almost two months without any cumming at all.  This is the longest I’ve been asked to hold out yet and I’m hoping (and a little worried) about making it the full distance.  I know the reward will be worth the suffering, however, if for no other reason that it makes Mistress happy when I can achieve the challenges she lays out for me.

 - My old personal blog is now completely dead.  Any hope of resurrecting the database died today, so I’m gathering up what I can of the old site and already have my new favorite ISP (go Zimfest!) working on pulling my domain names from my current site.  My daily writing here has made me jones for an outlet for the more mundane things in my life (crazy stuff at work, game reviews, and so on), so it will be nice to have a vanilla blog once again.

 - Finally , I had a little subspace tweaking moment today.  A woman was on the escalator in front of me, just far enough ahead that I had an almost eye-level view of her stockinged legs and gorgeous feet tucked into these high heels with the little ankle straps.  Now, in the past, I would have never noticed that, but Mistress has fully turned me into a complete foot boy (I’m still not completely sure how she did that without me noticing it as it happened) so I get easily transfixed with such things.  My "moment" came when I was completely busted.  The woman said something to me that barely registered and she had to say "Hello?" to get my attention and my looking up from my locked gaze completely revealed what I was staring at.  I blushed about 15 shades of red and she just smiled at me and walked off when we got to the top.  I went the opposite direction (even though I wasn’t headed that way) just to avoid additional eye contact with her.  I felt like such a complete slut and my embarassment just sent me flying.

That’s it for today!  Tune in tomorrow to hear how my sounds play went…

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Project Puppy

Today I had the pleasure of working on various projects for Mistress Trecia. She refers to me as her "project puppy" which I absolutely love.

To me, doing odd jobs for a Domme really submerses me in our D/s relationship and lets me enjoy my servitude in a completely non-sexual context.  It’s these moments more than anything that underscore for me how deep this need runs in myself.  I’ll be humming to myself, doing my little on-line tasks for Mistress, glowing with every "good puppy" comment she sends my way as I complete my assignments.

Yesterday, I helped Mistress set up a brand new forum for her site, a place where her "Parlor" members and boys can gather and chat amongst themselves and where she can take advantage of her guaranteed adult audience to say and so whatever she wants.  With the forum up and running, I spent today making some minor tweaks to get everything working and looking to Mistress’s standards.

I also spent time writing a few posts and tweaking my own profile so that everything will be ready when the other boys arrive.  I’m honored to have been tapped as a forum administrator, so I wanted to set a good example right off the bat.

In other news, my vanilla personal blog which I’ve been writing for about 5 years now (and that I’ve been neglecting to grow this site) finally bit the dust today.  My database corrupted itself so badly that the site is completely offline.  Like most people in the tech industry, I am notorious for not backing up my own stuff and am now suffering for it.  It looks like I’ll be able to salvage the original posts and pictures from the gallery, but any chance of a smooth transition from GeekLog to WordPress on a new site has been lost.  I think it’s time to just start over, anyway. 

Due to the loss, I’ve started working out a backup plan for my sites so I can automate a bi-weekly dump of everything.  I already manually backup Mistress’s sites twice per week, so a self-driven process would help me there as well.  In the meantime, I’m picking through the ashes and trying to recover everything I can.

In a way, the "clean slate" I have in my blog is a great metaphor for the changes that are taking place in my life after my fateful meeting with Mistress.  I feel like I’ve dropped a huge burden that I’ve been carrying.  Suppressing my submissive desires left me feeling so incomplete, a feeling that I tried to quench with everything from obsessive hobbies to drugs (both legal and illegal).  That emptiness and restlessness have vanished now, replaced with a joy and contentment that I just can’t describe.

Part of me wishes that I had figured this out a long time ago when I was younger and in a better position to drastically change my life to embrace my reawakened calling.  I know, however, that at any other time, I wouldn’t have meet Mistress Trecia and don’t know if my unhappiness would have reached enough critical mass to force me to examine this unlikely root cause of my personal grief.

I was asked once not too long ago if I regretted anything in my life.  The answer I gave was that who I am is the result of what has come before, both the positive and the painful, and any changes would unravel everything.  I have to carry that over now and acknowledge that my meeting with Mistress arrived at the perfect time in my life - any sooner and I may not have had the profound revelation that I had, any later may have caused me to dismiss change as being impractical or impossible.

It’s enough to turn a cynical fatalist into a grinning idiot.

See, I’m smiling again…

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Winter Blues

It’s the middle of April and my commute was two-and-a-half hours this morning due to the freak snowstorm that hit the Chicago area.  The nasty weather and miserable traffic immediately put me in a foul mood this morning.

When I got to work, I did one thing I knew would cheer me up - I bought a "Welcome Home" gift for Mistress Trecia that should arrive at her home right about the same time she does.  I had originally thought about sending her another bouquet of flowers and a chocolate assortment, but realized for the same price I could get her something that would last more than a few days.  I’ll post a link to the gift once Mistress gets the package.

Last night’s assignment went a little better, mainly because I forced myself to stroke at a reasonable pace instead of running at full speed toward the brick wall that is "The Edge".  Once again, I was browsing XTube and, once again, I was seeking out videos of handjobs.  It dawned on me about 15 minutes into my assignment that I was seeking out handjob videos from some serious subconscious need to stroke to orgasm.  If I  couldn’t get there, I needed to watch other people do so instead.

Watching others reach that sweet release that I’m so desperate for, however, is enough to make a man go crazy.

I did have the pleasure of chatting with Mistress for a time yesterday, something I’ve been needing almost as much as an orgasm.  While I have been craving Mistress’s attention, I know I’m just being a needy puppy.  Mistress deserves a vacation more than anybody (even if her family is driving her batty) and I know my grumping about the lack of contact is completely out of place for a devoted sub.

One thing we discussed was my next trip, currently scheduled for the middle of May.  I’m expecting to wrap up a little side development project just before then which means I’ll have some spending money to have fun with.  (I’m still about $2,000 in the hole from my last trip, but should have that paid down by July.) 

Mistress mentioned my feet kink post and asked if I wanted to take her shoe shopping.  I confessed that I used to work in the shoe department of a sporting goods store when I was in high school, but never had the reaction to feet that I have now.  Of course, Mistress has carefully trained me to be her personal foot slut, but I still can’t believe I’ve gone from no reaction about feet to debasing myself by humping her slick, lovely little peds in less than three months.

Anyway , we talked about going shoe shopping together with me acting as her personal valet, carrying her purchases and helping her slip into all sorts of wonderful footwear in the stores.  This would be a really fun "public scene" (much like our outing to Saint Sabrina’s) and I’m already daydreaming about the possibilities.

I also made one change to my blog - I added a pic of my collar to the header graphic.  I’m torn on whether to wear it any chance I get, partially because Mistress has given me specific assignments to wear it (making me assume that it’s a special privilege that must be granted) but also because I don’t want it to lose the wonderful power it currently holds for me.  I did spend some time yesterday with a bottle of metal polish making the tag gleam like it was new.  (I didn’t realize it was real silver until after I discovered it beginning to tarnish.)

Right now, I’m sitting at my desk looking out over the park downtown, smiling as I picture myself naked and kneeling in front of Mistress, hoping she will grace me with a touch and a compliment in her satin voice.

Sigh

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The Stroke Slut is Back

The title of today’s post is a quote from Mistress last night.  After my unauthorized hour of stroking yesterday, Mistress Trecia unexpectedly popped up on IM.  She’s been on vacation with her family and has been almost completely incommunicado during her trip.

I immediately confessed to my unsanctioned stroking and she chastised me for breaking the rules.  Then, she asked if my cock was stroke-worthy again.  Yes, Mistress.   "So, the strokeslut is back," was her reply.

I was then handed a new assignment to keep me busy until Mistress returns.  Every night (starting right then), I am to stroke for 34 minutes without cumming.  Then, I have to alternate sleeping in my collar and Mistress’s panties each night until Mistress returns home.

The collar was a gift from Mistress during my visit.  It’s beautiful black leather and has a tag that reads "timidboy - Property of MWK".  The first time I wore it was at the local BDSM play party she took me to during my trip and I got such a rush when, keeling before her, she slipped it around my neck and fastened the buckle.  Actually sleeping in the collar last night made me feel so wonderfully connected to Mistress and the jangle of the tag when I woke up this morning made me smile.  I am so happy and honored to be Mistress’s little puppy, catering to her every whim and instruction just hoping for that stroke of my hair and her saying "good boy" with that wonderful smile of hers.

The stroking portion of my assignment wasn’t nearly as pleasant.  I had already been stroking for an hour, so I was almost instantly on edge when I started and pretty much stayed there during the entire 34 minutes.  My usual tricks worked for the most part - clenching my teeth, digging my fingernails into my non-stroking hand, and so on.

It didn’t help that I decided to wander through XTube (my new favorite porn site) and discovered a bunch of male forced orgasm videos (guys tied up and teased/stroked to cumming) as well as some edging videos (guys tied up, but denied orgasm).  They were so  incredibly hot that about 15 minutes in, I had to change to another subject matter to keep from spilling my cum all over the bathroom floor.  As always, the stroking feels wonderful, but the second I stop the frustration from the prolonged denial kicks in and I’m fighting back the growing desire inside me.

As I mentioned in my last post, Mistress has hinted that I’m not going to cum again until we’re together and, while I agree that is so much better than stroking to her voice on the phone, I’m wondering if I’m going to make it through all six weeks.  I’m on the edge so much now, something made even more difficult by my piercing.  (While walking to get some lunch today, my ring got tangled in my fly so every step gave me a little cock tweak until I was nearly ready to stroke in the restroom at work just to get a little relief.)

In the end, my devotion keeps me teetering on the brink, willpower stretched to the limits, struggling and suffering to please Mistress.

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One Stroke Penalty

Well, my horniness finally got the best of me.  Today, I broke the "no touching" rule and did some unauthorized stroking.

A number of factors led to my slipping.  First, it’s already been more than a week since my last release and I’ve been jonesing for some contact, especially since I had three days of sessions with Mistress since the last cum which only made my desire and frustration levels greater.  Also, I now have a lovely metal hook through the head of my cock and I’ve been wondering what stroking would be like to stroke with my new attachment.  Finally, I stumbled across a site called XTube which is a treasure trove of free amateur porn. 

The porn clips streaming at me one after another were too much to bear and, not being able to reach Mistress Trecia for permission, I decided to take matters into my own hands (no pun intended) knowing that I would pay the three cane swat penalty the next time I see Mistress.

So, content in my rule breaking, I took my laptop and a bottle of lube into the bathroom and got to work.  The first few strokes felt like heaven.  I had to modify my normal grip to accommodate the piercing since it interfered with the way I normally stroke, but it was still fantastic.  I edged once, paused for a moment, then edged again a few minutes later.

Once I edged for the third time, I stopped, but noticed a slow steady ache coming from the head of my cock.  Oh, this can’t be good.  The discomfort grew over the next half hour or so, until my cock head was throbbing.  It seems that my piercing just wasn’t ready for action yet and was protesting the premature stroking action that jostled the ring.

So I ended up paying for my indulgence twice - once by my aching cock and again in the near future with the bite of the cane.

Despite my penalty, it felt so  good to stroke and the extra stimulation of the ring drove me to the edge more quickly than usual.  I can’t wait until it heals a little more so I can play some more.

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