sub-burbs

Wednesday morning, Miss Jacqueline had a little wake up surprise for me.

Given the "no clothes upstairs" rule, I sleep naked now, so I was awakened by a slap on my bare ass which turned into a bare ass spanking.  I went from dead sleep to subspace as my head groggily swam trying to figure out what was going on.

"Get up and kneel next to the bed," Miss Jacqueline instructed.  "Now, stroke."

I did as she commanded, grabbing my cock in my hand and stroking as she undressed herself.  She scooted to the edge of the bed and then laid back, lifting her feet so they rested on my chest.  She then moved her left foot up so her toes were pressed against my lips.

"Suck, boy!"  I took her toes into her mouth, playing my tongue across them as I watched Miss Jacqueline start to touch herself with a deep, pleasureful moan.  The sight of Her naked and sprawled on the bed combined with the erotic feeling of her toes in my mouth sent me to the edge immediately and I started to shake with the overload of sensations.

Seeing that I was about to lose it, Miss Jacqueline pulled her feet away and ordered me to fuck her.  Since She was already at the edge of the bed, I just had to stand up and slide inside her sacred walls, the heat and wetness almost causing me to cum instantly.  Miss Jacqueline grabbed my hair and said, "Don’t you dare cum!"

I managed to focus and keep my pending orgasm in check while pleasuring Miss.  After a few minutes, She pushed me off and said, "You look like you could use some breakfast" then pulled my head down between Her legs.

Kneeling at the edge of the bed again, I started gently teasing Miss’s clit with my tongue, her moaning increasing as She approached climax, my own thankfully starting to wane as I focused my energy on my assigned task.  Miss hit her peak and told me to stop as She tried to catch her breath.

A moment later, Miss Jacqueline started touching herself again and ordered me to stroke.  I was back on edge and started begging for release.

Finally, Miss Jacqueline ordered me to cum and I did again and again, my sticky mess shooting onto the floor, the sight of which brought Miss to another loud orgasm of Her own.

Once we both came back to Earth, Miss Jacqueline kissed me and said, "Good morning" with a smile. 

Good morning, indeed!

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Jacqueline and had (and survived) our first fight in our new roles.

After hearing about the Master/slave Conference in July, I read the list of workshops and panels that were going to be available and it sounded like a perfect fit for us.  Most were about maintaining 24/7 D/s relationships and what to do when real life intrudes into your dynamic.

Tuesday morning, Jacqueline asked me to list the workshops that I would like to attend and a short explanation of why.  It was a slow day at work, so I spent about 3 hours going through the entire list and only saw two that didn’t seem to be worth our while (both were about polyamory in D/s relationships).  I presented the list to Jaci so she could read it on the drive home.  She got really upset but wouldn’t talk about it or tell me why.  She even started to cry in the grocery store as we were shopping that night.

We fought in the car and again when we got home.  I was completely confused and had no idea why she was so upset.

Finally, Jacqueline got down to the truth.  First, she thought I was pushing her into something she didn’t want to do just like old times.  She was completely overwhelmed by the topics and thought of going to some kind of "round table" made her feel like a fraud for calling herself a Domme.  I told her that I was really interested in going, but that it was completely her call.  (I reminded her that she gets final say on everything now, even this.)

Then, based on her take on the descriptions of the workshops, she confessed that she thought I wanted to become a mindless robot for her to boss around and that she would lose the "me" she fell in love with.  I assured her that wasn’t the case.  My need to serve has been a part of me for a very long time, before I even met her, so the person she’s always known is the same one that wants to submit to her. 

I also told her that I basically just wanted her to rule the house.  Her word is law and, if she wants it, I will freely give my opinion with the understanding that her word is final.  My desire to cook and clean for her is just an extension of me respecting Her rule.  Jacqueline then asked a number of questions about service and why she would practically have to bribe me to do dishes but that I now do them happily.  I told her I still don’t like doing dishes, but adore serving her and the warm fuzzy I get makes up for my dislike of the task. 

We then came around to discuss the conference again and Jaci said she hated the use of the terms Master and slave and the negative connotations they have.  I said that many people in the community use those labels and that it was something she would probably have to reconcile with herself.  I also said that labels have a pretty broad meaning and that they can apply to people in different ways.  I used "puppy" as an example which I use to describe myself (I like my hair stroked and being called a "good puppy"), but can also be used to describe someone who wears ears and a tail and eats out of a dish.

Also, we talked about the money it would take to go.  Our remodelling project from hell is finally almost done and our refinancing is waiting on the post-upgrade inspection and appraisal.  I offered to give up money she was planning to give me for my game convention trip this fall and also put another chunk of my board game collection up on eBay.

After the talk, we were back to our normal selves and the issue was resolved in our minds.  Jacqueline said that she would consider the conference and I told her that I would not mention it unless she asked again.

All in all, I think the fight went pretty well.  We went from shouting to constructive talk pretty quickly and ended up feeling like we had put the issue to rest at the end, something that is a big improvement over our past fights.  I’m hoping that this becomes the norm and that our communication will continue grow from here.  A huge part of D/s is being open and honest, so I think the two dynamics are helping each other.

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This weekend was incredibly busy, so I’m going to pack a few days worth of updates into a single post.

Thursday

Thursday morning, traffic was a bear and I was at risk of being late for an important meeting at work.  (We’re moving into a new building and I was supposed to be on a group tour of the new space, an event where my absence would be noticed.)  The thought of missing the tour and the frustration over the stopped traffic made me start to fume.

Normally, I have to bottle that feeling up because my wife Jacqueline has a low tolerance for me being irate behind the wheel.  Today, something odd happened.  As I was "hrumfing" under my breath, Jacqueline reached over and pinched the inside of my right arm, first just firmly but then increasing the pressure until it began to hurt.

I looked at her and she had transformed into Miss Jacqueline.  The pain and look in her eye immediately shoved me into submissive mode and I was shocked when all the frustration and anger faded away, replaced by a peaceful calm and a tiny bit of subspace rush.

When the moment had passed, Jaci just released my arm, chuckled to herself, and went back to her book.  I was actually speechless, partly because of my reaction to what had just happened but also because Jaci channeled her Domme into confronting a situation that probably would have led to a fight a couple of months ago.  I was thrilled and humbled at the same time, awed at the speed at which my wife is becoming a full-fledged lifestyle Domme in her own right.

Friday

After work Friday, Jacqueline and I met with my friend Hawk.  It was the first time he had seen her in several years and the first get together since Jaci and I started down our current path into a FemDom marriage.  We finished eating dinner around 9 p.m. and, looking for a quiet and private place to talk, went back to the office where I work and went into a conference room.

The three of us talked until almost 1 a.m.  Well, I mostly listened as Jacqueline filled Hawk in on the issues we had been facing (including my betrayal at having gone to a pro Domme to fulfill my needs instead of coming to her and what that meant to her).  Jacqueline really opened up and poured out a lot of the anger and frustration she had at me and also at her struggle with taking on this new role so soon after being hit with the news of my indiscretion.

Her words were difficult for me to hear, but I don’t think she would have said them without a facilitator present.  Hawk also gave us a lot of advice from his own experiences of being kinky in a vanilla relationship and his moving from that into his current embrace of D/s.

Jacqueline and I continued the talk on the way home and both feel that the discussion and advice were a huge help.

When we got home, we popped in Exit to Eden on DVD.  We both had some fond memories of the film from when it first came out and we tracked down a copy for our video collection.  (It’s out of print, so we had to use the Amazon Marketplace.)  Given my original thoughts about the movie, I was shocked at how disrespectful it was to the D/s lifestyle and the Domme/sub dynamic.  I know my attitudes, knowledge, and feelings about BDSM and the scene have changed greatly, but this really showed me how much more I understand D/s and also how important it has become to me.

Of course, now I need to track down the book to see if this was all the filmmaker’s doings or if there was some of this dynamic in the original.  Given Anne Rice’s other landmark kinky works (including "Beauty’s Release"), I can’t imagine that is the case.

Saturday

The day we’ve been looking forward to all week finally arrived - new member’s night at Galleria Domain.

I can’t give too many details as the first thing we had to do when we arrived was sign a bunch of paperwork including a non-disclosure agreement.  I will say this, though - the club is absolutely gorgeous.  It’s an old Chicago warehouse loft space with high ceilings and wood floors and each room is packed with an amazing array of BDSM equipment.  The people we met were also incredibly friendly and we were given a wonderful guided tour of each room and "play station".  We were also pleased at the variety of folks there, people of a wide range of ages and sizes, something that made us both feel completely comfortable.

After some mingle and talk time, we were treated to a lecture by Master Taino, one of the founders of the Master/slave Conference and runs Master Taino’s Training Academy, a group that provides seminars to Tops and bottoms.  The topic of the talk was "Dominant, but Caring" and his philosophy on being not just a Dom(me) but also a mentor and guardian, especially in a 24/7 lifestyle arrangement. 

One of the things he covered was the difference between those that are kinky and enjoy BDSM and those that get The Calling to becoming something more.  His words really resonated with me and once again confirmed for me how much my submissiveness is part of my core being.

On the way home from our visit, Jacqueline and I had a discussion about the club and if she felt up to performing in public.  She said she definitely wants to eventually and, in the meantime, would love to watch others at play (something the voyeur in me would also love).  She also agreed that we could probably meet some great mentors and learn quite a bit from the regulars.

LRA (Chicago’s other big BDSM club) is having an open house over Memorial Day weekend, so we’re going to check them out before we actually sign up as we both think that one club membership is more than enough for the time being.

Sunday

Sunday, Miss Jacqueline told me that I had earned an assignment.  She was impressed at my lack of pressure toward joining a club and how much I was putting the final say in these matters in her hands.  It is a departure for me from our previous roles, especially when I wanted something badly.  (In the past, I would go to great lengths for something I wanted, including driving to Minnesota to serve a pro Domme in person behind my Wife’s back.)

Therefore, she allowed me to stroke until I edged three times with no time limit.  She even allowed me to use her computer (the only one in the house with a nice, big monitor and comfy chair).

I grabbed the lube and set up shop in Miss Jacqueline’s study, being sure to place a towel on the chair to prevent any stains.  I was rock hard almost instantly and got completely lost in the sensations of my hand gliding along my cock and my piercing providing me the wonderful urethral stimulation I love so much.  I willed myself to go slow at first and managed to stretch my first edge out to almost 10 minutes. 

Unfortunately, the next two came really quickly given my aroused and denied state.  After the third pending orgasm passed, I closed the movie I was watching on the screen and picked up after myself.  When I returned to the bedroom, Miss Jacqueline asked "Done so soon?" and then teased me for my inability to savor the wonderful gift I had been given.  She then reminded me that this could be a regular thing if I behave myself and keep serving her as well as I have been.

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Last night, I had a wonderful surprise - my first full session with Miss Jacqueline.

I was working on cleaning the kitchen (one of my many household chores), when she called from upstairs and told me to come up.  I stripped at the top of the stairs (observing the "no clothes upstairs" rule) and found Miss Jacqueline in her study.

She started by reading an e-mail she had received from Mrs. Claudia.  The two have opened a dialog and, since Mrs. Claudia and her subby have a story very similar to that of ours, I know we can learn a great deal from them.  When she was done, we discussed the content briefly and then I was instructed to go into the bedroom, lie on the bed, and wait for her.

Several minutes later, I heard her come in.  "There is a bottle of lube in your side table drawer.  Get it and start stroking."

Other than some brief playful teasing from Miss Jacqueline, I have not had any contact at all in almost two weeks, so being able to finally stroke was a gladly-accepted gift.  The complete lack of contact actually meant I wasn’t suffering too badly for this recent denial spell, but having my slick hand wrapped around my cock unlocked all the pent up frustration and desire inside me and I was edging almost immediately.

Through the haze of my struggle, I felt Miss Jacqueline start to tie me up.  First one ankle, then the other, then my unused hand.  Each bond made my cock grow a little harder and caused me to moan loudly and shake, struggling against the impending orgasm that I needed to prevent.  I tried to slow down my strokes (which, damn me, had been at full tilt as my need overrode my good sense as usual), but Miss Jacqueline sternly told me to keep up the pace.  I tried shifting my hand position and stroke length trying desperately to back down from the edge just a little for fear that I wouldn’t be able to hold on.

Then, I felt Miss Jacqueline sit on the bed beside me.  She slipped a blindfold down over my eyes and then started to speak.  She was reading from one of the FemDom erotic stories books we recently purchased.  It was a story about a Domme who decided to mark her sub by carving her initial into his ass with a scalpel.  The story was wonderfully erotic and well written (and not nearly as extreme as you’d think given the subject matter).  Of course, hearing my wife’s soft, sultry voice speaking those words just drove me crazy and made my fight even more difficult.

About a third of the way into the story, I started shaking all over and grunting, teetering on the edge, fighting with all my might to suppress the released that my body demanded.  Finally, the story ended and I immediately started to beg for release.

"Not just yet, boy."  Yes, Miss.  "Stop stroking, NOW!"

I laid on the bed, whimpering, my balls aching from the edge play and over stimulation.  Miss Jacqueline untied me and then instructed me to roll over and get up on my elbows and knees.

Once in the position, she retied my hands and feet keeping me locked down with my ass in the air.  I knew what was coming, of course.  She started with the riding crop, letting the soft leather of the tip drift teasingly across my back and ass, cock and balls.  I heard the whistle of the first blow and every muscle in my body instinctually tightened, ready for the assault.

She started on my back, the blows coming steadily and slowly increasing in strength, then moving down to my ass with a few choice blows hitting my aching balls as well.  After a few minutes, I felt something soft and warm rubbing the impact sites and realized she was using the sheepskin side of our new paddle.  Knowing the pain that she can inflict with the business side of that same implement, I braced myself for the next round.

The paddle landed with a loud smack again and again, Miss Jacqueline aiming for that especially tender spot where the ass meets the leg.  By this time, I was flying high, feeling the pain, but yet letting each blow carry me into subspace and enjoying the rush and feeling of being helpless to her painful whims.

When Miss Jacqueline was done with the paddle, she untied me and told me to lay on my back.  When I was there, I felt her fingers touch my lips and I instantly moaned as I realized they were soaked in her juices and sucked hungrily on them as she slipped them into my mouth.

"You like that, boy?  Then put your face between my legs."  A moment later, I was there, lapping at her sacred spot, her every moan increasing my own desire and frustration.  She came with shout and a shudder, clutching handfuls of my hair to keep me in the right spot as she rode out the sensation.

I was instructed to lie beside her again, but this time to resume stroking.  "That’s it, boy.  Get it nice and hard."  It only took a moment and I was right back on the edge again, my cock rock hard and throbbing in my hand.

"I want to see how that new ring of yours feels, boy.  Come here!"  Miss Jacqueline guided me on top of her and I thrust inside, lost completely to the new sensations of her wet warmth and the added stimulation of my piercing.  After a very short time, I started to beg for release, stammering as I tried to get the words out.

She grabbed my hair again, pulling my head down to her, saying "I order you to cum, boy.  Cum NOW!"  My entire world blanked out at that moment and I was completely lost in the white-hot center of extasy, orgasm, and subspace as I came and came and came.  It wasn’t until several moments later that I realized I was making some sort of animalistic grunting noise as I let go with complete abandon, caring only about the sweet gift of release I had been granted.

Miss Jacqueline guided me back down onto the bed next to her and started stroking my hair, saying "good boy" and panting as she, too, tried to catch her breath.

Once the buzz started to wear off, Miss Jacqueline told me that she really enjoyed the sensation of my cock piercing entering her and that it could stay.  This made me incredibly happy as I also loved the incredible feeling it provided during sex.

We also discussed the sex itself, something I had been afraid would feel too dominant and take me out of my role.  My fears were unfounded thanks to the build up because at the moment I had been given the instruction, I was so deep into subspace that I just felt completely subjugated and there only for Miss Jacqueline’s pleasure.

Overall, it was an absolutely incredible session and showed how far Miss Jacqueline has come in just a couple of weeks.  She really is a natural and I know that, as she meets more people and starts to get more comfortable with her Domme side, things are bound to get even more interesting and mind blowing.

I have to keep reminding myself that I am now living the fantasy that so many repressed submissive men have and almost need to pinch myself to see if this is all real.  To be given the gift of a FemDom marriage after so many years and to be able to connect to the woman I love on this new and deeper level is more that I ever could have hoped.

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A lot has happened over the last few days and here is a brief rundown:

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 - My edging assignment still hasn’t come to pass.  Real life intruded a little bit and Jacqueline didn’t insist that I complete it, so it fell by the wayside.  I assumed at the time that her telling me to postpone it was another tease, but today discovered that she didn’t feel I was in the right mindset.  I said that usually that is the best time for such assignments, to get me refocused on my dedication to her.  The 24/7 nature of D/s is new to me and this is all new to her, so we’re learning as we go.

 - Friday night, my wife and I did a little bit of "play", mainly her teasing me both with pleasing herself and with some teasing strokes to my severely neglected cock.  It didn’t last long, but was extremely sensual and erotic and sent us both to bed with a warm glow.

 - Saturday, I was treated to a shower by Miss Jacqueline.  When she did this last week, I had a hard time feeling submissive since being bathed was, in my mind, a dominant act.  I realized, however, that it was just her taking care of her property, much like she’d wash her car.  Plus, she also gave me a bare-handed spanking for falling behind in my reading assignments.

 - Miss Jacqueline also gave me a fun little public embarassment Saturday as well.  We were headed out to my sister’s place to see their new baby when Jaci announced that we were making an extra stop.  My sister lives out West from the city in the middle of farm and ranch country, so Jaci found a bridal and saddlery shop to visit.  Inside, was a great mix of riding gear including a wonderful selection of riding crops. 

Once we had picked one out, I was sent to the register to pay.  The woman behind the counter gave me a knowing look and asked, "This isn’t for you, is it?"  She got her answer when I blushed about 10 shades of red.  "Don’t worry, honey, " she countered, "We just sell them - we don’t care what people use them for."  Jacqueline had a laugh of her own in the car when I described what had just happened.

 - We spent Sunday going through the local calendar of events and RSVPing for a bunch of local gatherings.  Wednesday is our first munch and we’re both excited to meet some local folks, hopefully some who share out situation that we can learn from.

 - Today, I took the day off of work to deal with event registration for the big annual game convention I attend every August and got a long list of "chores" from Jacqueline before she left for work.  In the past few days, we started to slide back into our married roles and our of our D/s ones, so the tasks started to feel like chores and not a devotion.  It took me about half the list, but I finally got my head back into things and got myself back into happy sub project space again.  When Jaci got home, we had a discussion about it and agreed that we need to better communicate when we feel the other is starting to revert back to our old married routine just out of habit.

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I’m off now to finish the dishes for tonight and to do a little reading before bed.  I have a huge pile of books to get through and I’m already way behind.  (Although part of me would love to do the "I’ve been a bad boy" routine, I actually find that incredibly disrespectful, something that is still puzzling Miss Jacqueline.  The idea of pain as a reward is something she is still trying to wrap her head around.)

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Last night, Jacqueline and I went to Native Rituals to get my piercing ring swapped out.  Jaci decided she wanted one that was a slightly smaller diameter and was also a closed ring to make it more comfortable during sex.  (She let me keep the larger 6 gauge since we agreed that it would be more suitable for "play" including using it as an anchor point somewhere down the road.)

The guys there were great to work with, especially since they were the second string piercers.  (All the main guys are currently in Las Vegas for their big annual convention.)  We were in and out in about 20 minutes which included the time it took for them to sterilize the new ring.

I’ve been worried since we left that the smaller diameter was going to cause issues with pinching when I was erect.  Leave it to Miss Jacqueline to find a fun way to test the waters.

As we were discussing the issue, she reached out, pulled my cock from my PJs, and started to stroke it.  I have been on a strict "no touching" rule for almost a week now and the complete and utter lack of contact has been driving me mad.  Her touch made my cock jump to life immediately and I threw my head back and the unexpected treat, moaning like crazy and uncontrollably bucking my hips into her hand.

As she teased me, Miss Jacqueline reminded me that I still owed her a punishment this week for breaking the "no clothes upstairs" rule on Wednesday.  (I was vacuuming and neglected to disrobe first when I got upstairs.)  She said that a little edge play might get me good and ready for what she had planned this weekend and hinted that I’m looking at about 90 minutes of web and or video stroking time tomorrow night.  Of course, in my completely denied state, I know I will go completely overboard and be edging again and again completely without any restraint at all.  (I’m my own worst enemy when I’m this horny and denied.)

Miss Jacqueline firmly stroking my cock as she kept dropping hints about what would be in store for me this weekend.  Something about my tongue being tired and me getting some reward for keeping up with my "chores" around the house so well this week.

Then, she said something that blew my mind:  "You know, I knew about all the ownership aspects of D/s, but what I never realized is that you are just my little toy, something I can play with whenever I feel like it."  She then gave me a wickedsmile and said, "Is something wrong?  Your ring is awfully wet?" referring, of course, to the massive amounts of precum that I was leaking all over her hand and my PJs.

She finally tucked my cock away and then gave it a couple of quick slaps, laughing as she said that she was so looking forward to torturing me on Sunday.

The surprises weren’t over, however.  Miss Jacqueline stood in front of me and guided my hand between her legs to her sacred spot.  She gasped as my fingers made contact, but I realized that she was absolutely soaking wet. 
"Remember us talking about Topspace?", she asked, letting me know that she was getting off on seeing me suffer and squirm at her hand, something she had doubted she was capable of less than a week ago.

Phew!

I can’t tell you how happy I have been watching this new side of my wife emerge and how lucky I feel for being able to bring this thing that I love so much into my marriage.  At the start of the year, as my submissive feelings and needs were starting to reemerge, I never thought that this was a possibility.  With each day that I spend in Miss Jacqueline’s service, I am more and more impressed with the depth of her devotion to these new feelings and find myself falling in love all over again with this amazing woman.

 

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Last night, I went to my friend’s Ben house after work.  We’ve been friends for a number of years and first met on a game company’s mailing list when I was looking for local people to attend a game event I was hosting.  He was the only one who showed up and we forged a quick friendship.

During the last year, we’ve grown closer as friends when he confided in me about some serious struggles he was having in his life.  Because we were connected on that level, I chose him as my second "coming out" and because I thought I owed him my own falling from grace story and personal struggle.

I laid the story out pretty plainly and waited for his response.  He was completely shocked and confessed that he thought I was going to tell him that I had lost all of our money gambling.  (I used to be a heavy on-line poker player once upon a time.)  He took things in stride and even asked some really intelligent questions about Jacqueline and I and where we were going.  He said that it also seemed like something good was going to come out of all the pain and hurt which, while not excusing it, would at least make it suffering for the sake of something.

I knew he was cool with it when, after we had gotten some dinner at a local restaurant, he asked, "So….when can I start making fun of you for this stuff?"  I told him that I would lob a softball to get him started and told him my new "necklace" was locked around my neck.  He just started laughing and said that it was no fun if I was going to make it easy for him.  The good-natured kidding showed me that he "got it" and didn’t consider it taboo in the fun little personal attacks we engage in on a regular basis (the hipper version of the "Yo Mamma" game).

When I got home, Jacqueline told me that she had been doing some talking as well.  She had called Thomas, an old high-school friend who is actually a Shibari enthusiast and used to use my naked wife for knot-tying practice during the time when we were separated.  (I didn’t know that until last night.)  He believed that I had completely crossed the line and horribly abused my wife’s trust, but was envious of the direction we’re headed in.  As he put it to my wife, "You’re my hero".

My wife also blew his mind with a revelation about the local BDSM community around where he lives in Minneapolis/St. Paul.  He was amazed that there was an active community in MSP which is especially funny since I was afraid of running into him at the parties assuming that he was already well plugged into that scene.  The fact that I’m pointing him in the right direction is surreal.

We then spent some time discussing the punishment I received earlier that day and Jacqueline’s fears that I thought she wasn’t "good enough" to fulfill my Domme fantasies and needs.  I told her that, when we deiced to try this out until the house was finished, I gave myself some criteria and questions that would help me decide at the point if we should go forward.

They were all pretty simple:  Is Jaci enjoying her role as Domme?  (Especially, is she getting an emotional and/or physical charge out of our time "in session"?)  Have I been able to see Jaci as a Domme?  Has she been willing to learn and take D/s and my connection to it seriously?  And so on.

In less than a week, Jacqueline has already fulfilled all of the questions and criteria I had and we’ve just gotten started.  To me, the "breaking point" was mainly a chance for us to say "is this working at all" and not to an opportunity to say, "Well, we’re about 40% of the way there.  I guess we have to quit now."  She, on the other hand, was really concerned that, even after everything that we’ve experience together over the past week, I was going to say "Nope - not good enough" and walk away.

I reassured her that I was letting her set the pace and that my initial fears that this was possibly not a real thing between us were satiated to the point where I am really happy with our relationship and hopeful about the future.

Tonight, we’re going to Native Rituals to get my piercing ring replaced with one of Miss Jacqueline’s choosing and should return home to a huge box from Amazon with the next round of books as we delve deeper into our exciting new life.

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This morning was pretty normal, at least up to a point.  I worked out to a video with Jacqueline then went downstairs to make lunches while she took her shower.  After hers came mine and then I did the other parts of my morning ritual (shave, brush teeth, etc.)

As I was headed out of the bathroom to get dressed, Jaci was standing in the bedroom with her arms crossed.

"Stop.  Wait there."

I halted in my tracks, still naked and a little startled at being yanked out of my morning routine.  When she came back into my field of view, she was dressed for work and crossed her arms again.

"Did you make the lunches?"  Her tone and body language immediately shoved me into submissive mode.  Yes, Miss.  "What about my breakfast?"

I closed my eyes because, of course, I hadn’t done that and she full well knew it.  Putting her breakfast together (1 1/2 cups of spoon-sized Shredded Wheat with an Equal packet and spoon) was something I did when I was serving her full time.  This was the first morning of our return to the arrangement and I had already neglected an assigned task.

No, Miss.

She instructed me to walk over to the bed and place my hands on the foot board, a position that had me bent at the waist with my ass slightly in the air.  I knew what came next, but it still took me by surprise.

WHACK!

What I wasn’t expecting was that she was using one of the new paddles we had just gotten from the Stockroom.  I still haven’t figured out why, but my tolerance for pain on my ass is way less than that on other parts of my body (nipples, cock/balls, back, etc.)  She spaced the first few blows out to hasten my anticipation, but before long they were coming one after another and I broke completely, the tears coming in gasping sobs as the unyielding assault continued.

Finally, Miss Jacqueline stopped and rubbed her hand gently across the hot, abused skin of my ass and asked if I was going to forget again.  No, Miss.  She then threw a pillow down onto the floor and told me to kneel.

After a few moments, Miss Jacqueline moved directly in front of me and held my head against her chest.  "Do you really want to be mine?"  Yes, Miss.  "All mine?"  Yes, Miss.  "Good.  Close your eyes."

I did and a moment later I felt her slip something around my neck.  It was the day collar we had also purchased at the Stockroom.  With a small click I heard the lock snap shut in the back.  I was now my Wife’s property and was appropriately marked as such.  I actually felt another tear roll down my cheek, this one from the pure emotion of my Wife claiming me as her own.

A little while later (while measuring out Miss Jacqueline’s breakfast), I noticed she had the key to my collar on a chain around her neck along with the BDSM symbol pendant I had given her.

With each day, I’m finding it easier and easier to accept my wife as a Domme and also to find the blissful corner of subspace I love to inhabit.

Tonight, I’m coming out to another friend, my gaming buddy Ben.  He’s strictly vanilla (as far as I know), but has been confiding in me about some really deep personal issues he’s going through at the moment.  I feel it is only fair to return the favor and it also gives me a chance to test the waters as I let those close to me start to discover the true me that I’ve been hiding and denying for so long.

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Almost 24 hours have gone by and my marriage hasn’t completely changed.  I almost don’t know what to do!  (Just kidding.  I’m glad things are starting to level out after such an incredibly emotional week.  It was only 7 days ago that I confessed all to Jacqueline, but it seems like an entire month has passed.)

Last night, Jacqueline asked me to come into her study and review a list of books she had found on the topic of D/s.  She asked me to pick two for myself (I chose "The Complete Slave" and "Becoming a Slave") and then she filled the cart with books for herself, everything from "SM 101" to "The Mistress Manual" bringing the order to almost $170.

I’d heard of many of the titles and was impressed how much she had been scouring the web for the best resources available.  She also picked up a couple of books full of erotic short stories and said she may start reading me bedtime stories if I am a good boy.  (She even promised to stroke my hair while doing so, something that I adore and puts me into full puppy mode.)  My wife has an incredible voice and, since much of the early part of relationship and marriage took place by phone and audio tape, I have an incredibly special and deep connection to it.  I’m thrilled and excited at the thought this new time together.

We then watched the movie Secretary.  It was one that Mistress Trecia had shown me and one that I thought perfectly captured the emotional side of D/s, so Jacqueline agreed to watch.  She is also a huge James Spader fan which probably helped sway her decision.  We discussed the movie the next morning and Jacqueline confided that she was surprised that she didn’t relate or connect to Maggie Gyllenhaal submissive character at all and, in fact, hasn’t felt the expected growth of her own submissive side during all her research.  Our relationship would be a whole lot less complicated if she wasn’t a "switch", so this was welcome news for me.  I know that it may change, but the revelation helped nonetheless.

This morning, I had a neat little nudge into my favorite space.  I was grumping about getting up early to go work out and Jacqueline said if I didn’t want to go to the gym, she’d get a treadmill for the bedroom, chain me to it through my penis piercing, and would then get to choose the speed.  I got out of bed with a blush and a smile.

On the way into work, we picked up our discussion from yesterday about wanting to try and move back to a 24/7 arrangement.  I had been already missing the servitude and Jaci feels that my doting on her will help get her into Topspace.  I only had one request - I really wanted to be collared 24/7 as that is something that enhances my feelings of submissiveness and connection to the Domme.  Fortunately, the order from Stockroom we placed and then tried to cancel last week (which included a really nice "day collar") actually slipped through and is due to arrive today, so Jaci said she would consider doing so.

We then discussed the new house rules and I was given the following directives:

• No touching myself without permission.
• I am to take care of all the housework in order to give Miss Jacqueline time to read, research, and plan sessions.
• If I am upstairs for more than 5 minutes (when cleaning or whatever), I’m to be naked except for a collar.   (We currently don’t have drapes or blinds downstairs, otherwise I have a feeling it would apply to the entire house.)
• I am not to view any pornography or visit adult-oriented web sites without permission.  I asked if this included the blogs I’ve been reading and was told I could submit a list to her in advance and get blanket permission to read them daily.  I am allowed to continue bloging here to my heart’s content and have been given permission to include all the good and bad that happens with our experiences.  I confessed that giving feedback to her directly would feel like "topping from the bottom" and that I’d be more comfortable doing within the blog.
• Miss Jacqueline will set my meal menu and exercise plan for the week and I am not to deviate from it for any reason.  (In the past, I would sneak soft drinks from the machine at work or run out to lunch for Chipotle when the mood struck.)
• I am not to spend any money without permission.  I tend to be a compulsive spender and have run up huge debts in the past due to my shopping.  Also, there is the matter that I’ve been secretly spending money on gifts for another woman, so this is also to boost her trust in me.

Jacqueline is happy at the thought of being "Queen of the House" again and I’m happy to slip back into the place I find so comforting, serving at the feet of a Goddess.

When I opened my lunch today, I noticed a very special gift placed there by my Wife.  There was a box covered in red cloth with some beautiful embroidery on the top.  Inside was a handcuff key and the following note:  "This is a gift, a very special key.  It has nothing to do with me.  It is a handcuff key.  Keep this in your pocket every day as a reminder that you have finally found the key to yourself.  Now your journey can begin…"

I was deeply touched at the gesture and the words.  I did resist the temptation to put the key around my neck and followed the instructions explicitly fashioning a Hobbit-esque lanyard out of an old memory stick carrying case so I can keep the key in my pocket but lashed to my belt so it won’t get lost.  I’ll devise something classier and more permanent once I am home with my crafting supplies.

During the ride home, my wife told me that they key was from a pair of handcuffs she used on me back in 1989 during a visit while I was in my Navy training school after boot camp.  I love that it’s symbolic of us trying to reconnect with pieces of ourselves long forgotten.

Waiting on our porch when we got home was the box from Stockroom and it is still sitting unopened in the kitchen, Jaci’s little way of torturing me.  (I always need to open all boxes as soon as they arrive.)  Hopefully, we’ll get to play with all our new toys very, very soon.

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Yesterday, Mistress Trecia expressed concern that my blog which, while originally an "instrument of devotion" to her, was "degrading into ’sour grapes’".  I disagree with her in that regard, but she’s correct in that I created this for her and it has lately become a platform for me to discuss my marriage and Jacqueline’s emerging Domme.

Therefore, "confessions of a timid boy" has officially become "sub-burbs".  I’m happy with the site’s theme, but I will be tweaking the features over the next couple of days.  I’m also not set on the default size of the text.

The new URL of the site is http://www.sub-burbs.com, but I will keep timidboy.com active and pointed to the blog so that existing incoming links keep working.  If you have me on your blogroll, I would really appreciate it if you would update the link.  (I’ll be contacting those that I know about via "talkback" personally.)

Also, I’m no longer going to refer to myself as "timidboy".  My name is Chris, and I’m a submissive.  Welcome to my site!

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Today, I’m just chilling at home taking a "veg" day.  After this emotionally charged week, Jacqueline and I agreed that we needed a day to just hang out, play games, and just have fun.

We did have one brief discussion today, however.  Jacqueline confessed that she is feeling like less of a Domme since I haven’t been doting on her for the past two days.  After our agreement that we needed to slow down and not start with a 24/7 FemDom marriage, I did as we agreed and stopped worshiping Jaci as much as I was.  I am still helping out around the house, just not trying to do everything as a devotional.

Since we’re both pretty burnt, we decided to table the discussion on this until tomorrow.

Jacqueline is nearly done with the book "Different Loving" and has started putting together an Amazon wishlist of other books she is interested in.  (I noticed one guide to cock and ball torture on the list which excites and worries me at the same time.) 

Tomorrow, we’re planning to stop by Native Rituals, a piercing and tattoo shop in Oak Forrest so she can pick out a new ring for my piercing.  We also discussed getting my nipples pierced some time in the future.  Her main issue with getting them done is, basically, "What would the neighbors think?" should I ever take our nephews or (someday) kids to the neighborhood pool.  I told her that once they heal enough, I could take them out for a couple of hours without any issues and she agreed that would be a suitable compromise.  She did warn me not to pester her about it and said that she would save that for a very special treat.

This weekend is our first munch and we’re both nervous and excited and hoping we meet a bunch a new potential friends.  We also got confirmation that we’re on the list for Galleria Domain’s new members night in two weeks which should also be a lot of fun.

I’m going to stop writing now and get back to my big task for the day - advancing through Expert level on Guitar Hero II.

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