Starting a FemDom marriage in the Vanilla Kingdom

Archive for the 'History' Category

History - Subtle Beginnings

Like most young boys, my first steps into erotica were browsing the lingerie section of the JCPenny’s fall catalog.  When I got a little older, I had my first taste of hard core porn courtesy of ON-TV, a pay TV service in the days before cable, who had an "After Dark" lineup that could be partially descrambled with some clever use of UHF fine tuning.

Then, one day, I came across an ad for the Adam & Eve catalog in the back of a magazine.  I ordered it (being first to the mail was just another perk of being a latch-key kid) and a new world opened up for me.  Besides the interesting new toys I became aware of, they also had an interesting selection of soft-core bondage magazines.  Until that point, I had never considered tying someone up for fun.  By that point, I already had enough childhood trauma to make me a likely BDSM aficionado (more on that later) and was intrigued.  Of course, the pictures all featured women tied up, but the basic concept gave me plenty to try in my own solo play.

After I had been dating my first serious high school girlfriend for awhile, I brought up the subject of bondage and we tried some games of tying each other to the pull out couch in my Mom’s basement.  (The frame was an ideal bondage bed.)  Being the one in charge was okay, but I usually couldn’t wait for my turn to be strapped down.

Fast forward a few years and I joined the Navy and wound up stationed in Japan.  Hoo, boy - was that a great place to learn more about bondage.  While most of the videos and books I found were women in bondage, I once again found myself dreaming about being in their place.  I also found a number of fantastic bondage gear shops all around where I was stationed and starting building my first collection of toys.  (It was all destroyed in the big moving truck crash forcing me to rebuild, but that’s yet another story for another day.)

All of the above is just a preamble, really.  Through all that lusting and tinkering, I never really understood the D/s relationship until the first time I had been in placed in bondage by an experienced Domme and taught the sweet joy of servitude.

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The Wife

So late last night, I was chatting with Mistress and she says, "I might let you use my cock to please your wife".

Given the intensity of my devotion to Mistress and my activities over the past week, you would probably be surprised to learn that I’m married.  When we met, my wife was really into the whole BDSM thing.  She had a very close friend (a co-worker of mine) who was a spanking enthusiast and she used to let him practice his art on her.  He had a wooden chest at the foot of his bed filled with everything from paddles to floggers to canes.

Since I had a D/s bent from a very early age, it was something we shared.  Of course, we were both on the sub side of things, but we had an appreciation for where the other was coming from.  We tried some games where one or the other would take the top, but neither of us was very satisfied with the arrangement. 

Things got bad after a few years and we decided to separate.  During that time, I stumbled into the BDSM community, found a few like-minded Dommes, and discovered the joys of subspace.  When my life imploded (more on that later) I moved back to Chicago and made amends with my wife, but she had changed quite a bit during our time apart.  The biggest change was a complete shunning of all things BDSM.

Since I already had some major life changes to embrace in order to turn things around from hitting bottom, I figured giving up my submissive side would be no problem.  It was just a crazy kink, right?  I didn’t realize until this week (9 years later) how much it was a part of who I am and how much I was missing after giving it up.

During the last couple of days, Mistress and I discussed the possibility of some day having her work with my wife to incorporate my servitude to Mistress into my marriage.  One really interesting scenario involved giving both my wife and Mistress keys to my chastity cage to share ownership.  I’d love to see that happen and hope that the positive changes my wife has been seeing in me over the last week (including quitting my antidepressants) will sell her on the situation.

In the meantime, I had Mistress’s interesting assignment.  It was a challenge - I had to satisfy my wife while at the same time saving my orgasm for Mistress.  I managed to do both (including some actual sex with my wife) and was able to give her two orgasms. 

Of course, our little morning adventure didn’t do anything for my growing need for release.  More than ever, I’m hoping Mistress will grace me with a second chance at some relief on Monday, especially since my impending caging will mean a long dry spell.

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Meeting Mistress

I was pretty active in "The Scene" on the West Coast about 10 years ago and had been missing it ever since, so every so often I would Google for things like "chicago domination" or other such terms toying with the idea of finding a local Domme that could scratch my itch to serve.  Most Dommes I found were either glorified escorts ("Massage and BDSM" seems to be their rallying cry) or phone sex girls just out to cash in with half-assed "whip-me-beat-me" scripts.

Last week, I was in a randy mood at work and started trying to find some podcast erotica to entertain myself.  Google brought me to Digital Podcast’s erotica directory and I discovered not only a bunch of great audio erotica, but also a treasure trove of D/s podcasts. 

D/s is a weird animal.  There are so many different "flavors" that it’s hard to find someone who shares your exact kink.  A Domme might specialize in medical play, but be all about the enemas.  They might be into electrical play, but then demand "toilet slave" service.  They might love to wield a strap-on, but only in a forced feminization setting.  In a D/s relationship, you can’t say "no", so you either have to accept kinks that don’t really work for you or keep searching.  I sometimes envy people who are just like "I dig chicks with big tits" because it’s so easy  for them to find ways to light their flame.

I have a weird mix of fetishes I enjoy:  medical play (especially sounds and catheters), electrical play, bondage, power exchange (basically being put into a situation where I’m helpless like kidnapping scenarios), forced orgasm (usually paired with power exchange and machine sex, like being strapped to a machine and forced to yield), and so on.  I also am something of a chubby chaser which just adds to the odd mix.  Granted, for me the most  important thing is the power control - being helpless and in a situation in which I had no control over what was going on.

During my searching on-line, it seems that many of my kinks are mutually exclusive, meaning in order to completely satisfy everything I was into, I needed a vast assortment of videos and/or erotic literature.  While searching the podcast directory, it seemed that erotic audio fell into the same conundrum.  Some Dommes had potentially interesting podcasts, but either had voices that weren’t appealing to me or specialized in topics that didn’t do much for me.  In order to help me eliminate those podcasts, I started visiting the originating web sites to get a broader view of the Domme and get a sense of their repertoire.

That’s when I found Mistress Trecia.

The very top of the first page on her site mentions the word "mindfuck" which sounded intriguing and piqued my interest.  Then, I noticed she had a blog.  It was reading her writings that really sealed the deal for me.  First, it was obvious that she was a true Domme who just happened to practice her craft via the Internet.  What’s also eerie is that my fetishes lined up almost perfectly with hers, making things even more interesting.  The biggest thing, however, was how articulate and passionate Mistress was and how she clearly enjoyed analyzing what makes the D/s relationship what it is and exploring the nature of various kinks. 

On her blog, Mistress Trecia had a "Tit For Tat" offer - she was willing to trade a 1 year membership to her site and 10 minutes of phone time per month for a 1 year membership to Adult Friend Finder.  I looked at the membership costs and decided to contact her to see if the offer was still on the table.  Fortunately, it was and we traded login information, Mistress bestowing upon me the user name "timid boy" since I had described being hesitant to step back into this world again. 

In the next few days after our initial contact, we started to chat via e-mail about ourselves, my D/s history, and my desire to find a new service avenue.  She posted a wonderfully flattering note about me in her blog which goosed the already growing D/s desires that were starting to rise again after such an extended absence.  She also asked if I was looking to eventually take things off the web to a real-life session, but I cautioned her that I was wanting to take things really  slowly as my trust issues with previous Dommes were setting off major alarm bells in my head.

Of course, almost one week to the day later I was naked in front of my newly-purchased web cam, aching to cum and begging for Mistress to own me in every way.

– Sigh  –    Such is the power of Mistress Trecia.

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