sub-burbs Starting a FemDom marriage in the Vanilla Kingdom Tue, 19 Aug 2008 15:21:06 +0000 en The End? Tue, 19 Aug 2008 15:21:06 +0000 Chris General Stuff FemDom Marriage You may have noticed that things here have kind of ground to a halt.

My relationship with MJ has stalled to the point where we keep saying we should have some intimate time, but never do.  Our D/s talk that was supposed to resolve everything never materialized.

The major thing that made me stop writing is a talk I had with MJ after my last couple of posts.  She doesn’t like the things I’ve been posting here and feels that they are very one-sided and don’t portray her in the best light.

Because of all these things, I’ve decided to suspend the site for the time being until there is something to write about.

I’m really, really hoping this isn’t "goodbye" but rather "see you soon".  I am so proud of the work I’ve done here both as a writer and in trying to make sense of my feelings and I want to keep it going.  It’s just really tough with nothing to write about and everything in limbo.

Just in case some of you move on during my time away from the blog, I just wanted to say thank you for all your support.  The thousands of people who came by to read about my trials over the past 18 months gave me the feeling that I really wasn’t alone through all this and really helped me through the worst of the times.  To everyone who sent in comments, questions, and well-wishes, I send an extra round of thanks as your kind words and encouragement helped me see that my situation was never nearly as hopeless as it felt.

I’m not sure what the future will hold in either the short or long term, but I guess that’s just part of the grand adventure.

See you soon…

It’s a Brand New Day Wed, 23 Jul 2008 13:01:33 +0000 Chris General Stuff FemDom Marriage Things are better now.

MJ and I had the first part of our talk last night.  MJ started by saying that things weren’t as dire as she made them sound Monday and that she was having a bad day and it amplified what she was actually feeling.

She also started listing off the things that were causing her to be upset in the first place.  The biggest thing was that she didn’t trust that I really wanted to be a service sub because she doesn’t see me take the initiative to do things for her.  She said that if I were the type of person who doted on her every second that it would make more sense, but that she feared that I would become resentful if she just started making me do things that I didn’t want to do.

My first response was to remind MJ that she explicitly told me that she didn’t want me taking the initiative and preferred to give me specific assignments.  I also pointed out that I do frequently volunteer to help out but that she usually tells me that she doesn’t need my help.

MJ sheepishly admitted that she realizes that she put me in an impossible situation.  Her want to control things (including what I do around the house and how the tasks are done) conflicted with her desire for me to do stuff without being told.

Finally, MJ said that she was getting the feeling like I was stalling our talk.  While I did ask for more time initially, I was not bringing it up in the past couple of weeks because I didn’t want MJ to feel like I was pushing her or rushing the situation.  She agreed that it made sense and that it was just a misfired communication on both our parts.

After that was cleared up, we talked about my desire to be a service sub and what that would mean.  I told her that I’m most happy when I’m doing stuff for her and when I see she is pleased with my work.  I need to be needed and when I am, I feel most fulfilled.

By the time we hashed out all of this, it was getting late so we decided to table the rest of the talk for this weekend.  MJ has a list of devotions and chores that she wants me to take on, my first step to once again becoming a 24/7 sub.  As a last gesture, MJ invited me back into her bed.

Today, I’m feeling better about our relationship and am kinda shocked that I hit such a low point yesterday.  I was really feeling betrayed and deeply hurt which in turn made me feel hopeless, partly because I was afraid that a Femdom marriage was just some crazy pipe dream which could never become a reality. 

Fortunately, I was wrong and things look like they are going to be okay.  I need to get better about confronting MJ when I am feeling this way because all of this could have been solved with a short conversation rather than blowing up into the situation that occurred. 

I thankfully have a fantastic and loving wife who deep down understands my needs and is trying to help me fulfill them.

Banished Tue, 22 Jul 2008 15:08:12 +0000 Chris General Stuff FemDom Marriage There hasn’t been much on the site lately, primarily because things in our household ground to a halt awhile back and there hasn’t been any D/s news to report.  It seems, however, that the dearth of news is just a symptom of a serious issue.

I know something has been really bothering MJ, but she hasn’t wanted to talk about it.  This is usually means that (a) she’s mad at me for some reason and (b) it’s something so bad that she’s afraid to talk to me about it because she fears my reaction.

The stress of having something hanging between has really been getting to me.  Over the weekend, I had one of those nightmares where you’re in danger but stuck in slow motion and can’t stop what’s happening.  It was so frustrating that I woke up yelling, freaking the hell out of MJ and the cats and waking the baby.

Last night, MJ finally said that something has been bothering her for over a month and that we might get some time to talk about it on Saturday.  I tried to get her to talk to me then, but she just headed upstairs to bed without a word.

About an hour after I went to bed, MJ woke me up to tell me I was snoring and that she was going to the guest bedroom.  This normally isn’t a big deal and usually ends with me going in her stead since I know the bed in that room is bad for her back.  MJ usually makes a point of telling me it’s nothing personal and that when the allergy attack that is stuffing me up is over I’m welcome back.

This time, she said that my snoring wouldn’t have bothered her, but she’s so upset that she’s not sleeping well.

Ah - so we’re doing the passive aggressive thing now.  Great.

I slept like shit and woke up feeling like hell.  On the way to work, I managed to successfully plaster the happy-go-lucky persona on so I could go through the day without having people asking what was wrong.  I’m having an unusually hard time keeping it in place today.  (I almost burst into tears in the elevator on the way up to my floor.)

Is everyone’s life this hard?  Is everyone else putting on their own masks?  Are they hiding this kind of pain beneath their jovial co-worker exteriors?

God, I hate this.  I hate it because I feel like I don’t have any room to complain due to my past behavior.  I hate it because I now have a baby to raise and protect and feel like I can’t make decisions based on what I want any more.  I hate it because it’s probably something that we can easily solve if MJ and I had any communication skills whatsoever.  I hate it because it feels like there is no way out of this situation.

I hate it because it hurts.

Update:  MJ wanted me to make the following two notes because she felt this post was a little harsh and one-sided.  First, when she went up to bed last night, she actually got an ice cream for herself and asked if I wanted one then went upstairs.  (It wasn’t without saying a word as I stated.)  She also says that she wasn’t being passive-aggressive last night but just telling the truth: she was having a hard time sleeping because she was upset and my snoring was bothering her.

Update 2:  We had our talk and things got better.

TMI Tuesday #142 - Deadly Sins Edition Tue, 08 Jul 2008 15:44:44 +0000 Chris TMI Tuesdays 1. LUST: Besides your current Significant Other who do you lust for or have you lusted for?

As previously discussed, Melanie Anton and pre-skinny Sara Rue are my two biggest lusts.  There’s also this woman at work whom I would love to see naked.  (She’s heavyset and has amazingly impressive breasts.  She is also incredibly sweet, so I always wind up feeling guilty after I sneak a glance.)

2. GLUTTONY: What food brings out your inner glutton?

Cheese.  I love all kinds, especially if it is hot and gooey on top of other foods.

3. GREED: What are you greedy for?

Games.  I’m a board and card game collector and currently have over 400 titles. 

4. SLOTH: What is your plan for an ideal day of sloth?

Sitting on the couch watching movies or playing video games.  I’m a big fan of escapist entertainment.

5. WRATH: Describe a time that you let out a can of whoop ass on someone.

I had a former coworker who did nothing except create more work for everyone else.  So, I got a copy of her resume, corrected all the spelling errors (it’s a miracle we hired her), and started faxing it out to other firms.  The topper was when, in a fit of anger, I Googled "magazine free trial" and spend an entire day signing her up for every magazine that came up.  (The final list was over 500 publications including such gems as the gay travel digest "Out & About" and "Icelandic Horse and Travel Magazine".)  She eventually left, but the guys I work with are still scared of me.

6. ENVY: Who or what do you envy? Why?

I envy rich people.  I’d love to have the freedom to work at a job I love that paid next to nothing and also stay home with my Miss and daughter as much as possible.

7. PRIDE: Have you ever had to swallow your pride? What are you proud of?

In the corporate world, you basically have to swallow your pride on a daily basis.  One of my former team leaders was a woman with a lot of power who like to take credit for everyone’s work.  If you tried to prevent her from doing so, she would start calling you out during meetings to make you look stupid and also spread nasty rumors about you.  It was easier to suck it up and let her have the credit.

I’m proud of my family and of the fact that we’ve managed to salvage our marriage and work out a relationship where we can both be happy.

Supernanny = Super Hot? Wed, 02 Jul 2008 15:50:15 +0000 Chris Kinks SupernannyES_243x470Am I the only one that finds Jo "Supernanny" Frost incredibly hot?

Now that we have a little one at home, MJ has been picking up parenting guidance from a variety of books and shows, including several of Ms. Frost’s.  The more I watch her, the more smitten I become.

Between her sexy curves, the wonderful accent, and that "I am not amused, boy!" look over the tops of her glasses, I just find her so very attractive. She doesn’t even need any fetish wear to complete the sexy Domme look.  (Of course, adding a flogger or riding crop would be nice…)

I know that Supernanny is just a persona, but the real Jo Frost is actually very attractive as well with an especially lovely smile.

MJ will, of course, always be my ideal woman and the Gold Standard for how wonderful and supportive a wife and Mistress is supposed to be.  That doesn’t mean, however, that I can’t imagine what a fictitious session with the Supernanny would be like. 

Now there is some erotic fan fiction that I need to write!

Sugasm #138 Tue, 01 Jul 2008 19:27:19 +0000 Chris Sugasm The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #139? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form.

This Week’s Picks
You’re going to come for me.
“I imagined her, bound. Wrists behind her back, whimpering.”

Champagne Orgasms
“I cry out, begging for him to stop, begging him not to”

Tie one on
“He slipped his hands under my blouse and teased my nipples and breasts with his strong hands.”

Mr. Sugasm Himself
Sugar Bank

Editor’s Choice
The Look

Join the Sugasm

See also: Fleshbot’s Sex Blog Roundup each Tuesday and Friday.

Erotic Writing and Experiences
Cunt Sucking. Confession #75
Dirty Girl
The education of Ava
Foot fantasy
Fucking the blonde on the beach-2
Good slave
lolidoll’s Ass Inspired Poetry - HNT
The picture that launched a thousand…….sperm
Questions and Answers
Spin The Bottle - Part Two
The Tutor
The Wrath Of Eve

Sex & Politics
Existential Crisis, or There is a Cum Shot At the End of This Post

BDSM & Fetish
Alas, still not enough
BDSM & Race
A good deed
Hard OTK bare ass spankings of naughty girls!
Hot Night
I Slapped Her Face With My Cock And Coated Her Tits With Hot Wax
I Was Naked When I Wrote This
A jagged soft puzzle
The Lilith Obsession, Part the Third
Mojada, castigada y humillada…
Panties for Men
Punishment in the Woods
A scene in two parts.
Trying To Understand Pain & Sexual Arousal, As Well As Unwanted Emotions From Certain Types Of Play
Watershed: She Takes Command
We finally get to really play again
Would the Real Mistress Please Stand Up?
Yellow, Black, and Red
You can be a PIG!

Sex Work
Back From The Desert. Kumi Kumi Coco Puff

Sex News, Reviews & Interviews
Bondage Model Carly Parker In One Of The Hottest Hogtied Sessions I’ve Seen
Catalina loves Lochai (An Interview With The Award Winning Photographer and Rigger)
The Countess Reviews “Swingtown”
Pure White Pleasure Tower
Review - Into The Attic
Sex News Roundup
Sgt. Major And Claire Adams In A Hot Erotic Choking Scene

Thoughts on Sex and Relationships
180 Degrees
Another swinging experience … continued
Autobiography of a Masturbator: Porn O’Graphicus, Part I
A Call From An Old Friend
Chivalry and Me
Co-operation makes it happen
It’s not easy being Sexhobbyist
Package Deal
Pain Isn’t *Always* A Good Thing
Pansexuality: Love is Everything

Sex Advice
Feelin’ Hot Hot Hot: Sex And The Summer
He Keeps Losing his Erection…

NSFW Pics, Videos & Audio
A Bruised HNT
Brunette sucks off 3 Guys in office back room
Candice Swanepoel Looking Hot in Lingerie
Free Sexy Videos
Free Videos: Spread legs humiliating caning for delighful babe in shame and pain.
HNT- Nightie Night
Hot Twins spanking in FREE sex chat video
Impertinent Question: What’s Up with the Male G-Spot?
Last Night…..
Marlena - Dream Girl
Mz Berlin Is Fierce In This Demask Corset And Fishnet Stockings

Marlena courtesy of Badgirl’s Hotbox.

Site Moved! Mon, 30 Jun 2008 02:38:22 +0000 Chris General Stuff If you can see this, you’re on the new domain.  Woohoo!  I’m finally on the new server!  This means I can dump my old domain ( for good.  In the next couple of days, I’m going to set up a message that will display if you come in via the old URL to let people know it’s going to expire and then cease to exist.

Thanks to Steve at Zimfest for everything he’s done to straighten out the issues I was having and for helping me complete the move!

Review - Into The Attic Wed, 25 Jun 2008 18:15:34 +0000 Chris Site Reviews 4h_clip_5 I like porn.  I really like porn.  I like porn so much, that I hit the 1 Terabyte mark last year and decided maybe it was time to start paring things down a little bit.

I say this so you can understand why I’m reviewing an adult pay site for the first time.  Someone from Into The Attic contacted me a few weeks ago and asked, simply, "What will it take to get a link to us on your site?"  A quick peek at their site showed some potential, so I offered to trade them a review and link for three months of access to their site. 

To their credit, I was told to review the site honestly and after spending some time going through their materials I now understand their confidence.  Into The Attic has produced some of the most authentic and well-produced BDSM videos on the Internet.

There are a lot of BDSM porn sites on the net, but it all feels very staged.  While it’s fun to watch, it always just seems like "BDSM Porn" and nothing more.  What really turns me on is watching couples play at our BDSM club or in event playrooms like the one at Thunder in the Mountains.  The unique and palpable connection between Top and bottom during a scene is impossible to fake and, for me, is what separates porn from true D/s scene play.

Watching the videos at Into the Attic, I see all the elements of real scene play:  The Dom/sub connection, limits being tested and pushed, and subs drifting off into that wonderful glow of subspace.  I think part of what sets their work apart is the fact that they use normal girls off the street that have D/s experience but who have never performed on film.

5h_clip_3 All of the videos are shot in the attic of a remote house in the woods of Portland, Oregon.  It’s an absolutely perfect setting for this type of bondage and you can just imagine the girls’ anticipation and nervousness driving through up to such a remote location knowing what is in store for them once they arrive.

Their sessions all start out with an in-depth interview with the sub, all of which get extremely personal (including them discussing their past D/s experience and masturbatory fantasies).  Then girls are then invited up into the attic and the fun begins.

The mix of "models" is impressive - they range in age from 19 to mid-30s and cover a variety of ethnic groups and body types.  (I’m a fan of chubby women and, while I’d never consider any of them anywhere close to BBWs, all of the models are naturally curvy in all the right places.)  While most of the sessions involve bondage, forced orgasms or orgasm denial, and impact play (spanking, flogging, caning, etc.), there are also some that involve outdoor bondage, food and messy scenes, and even one pregnant model in bondage.

The bondage practiced is all very functional and never gets too showy.  While the Doms are obviously well versed in Shibari, they only ever do as much tying as necessary without going overboard.

Into the Attic’s video production is also extremely impressive.  They shoot each session with multiple cameras so you don’t get jarring cuts during a scene.  In some cases, they put a video monitor behind the model for a "picture in picture" effect giving you two views at the same time.  For some sessions, they actually post raw footage showing just the model’s face or crotch as a bonus to supplement the regular action. 

One thing that pleases me greatly is that they always focus on a model’s face when she is about to orgasm.  In some cases, they make the model open her eyes, look directly into the camera, and announce she is going to cum.  For a person like me who loves to watch forced orgasms, this is one of the hottest things ever.

The videos are all 16:9 "widescreen" format in crystal-clear 720×480 resolution.  In addition, they offer high-res still photos of each session in a downloadable zip file.

3h_clip_4 As I said above, however, the one thing that really sets this site apart is that you really feel that Dom/sub connection.  There were many great scenes of the Dom gently pushing the sub’s limits (including one notable case where he kept the sub on the edge of orgasm for a good 10 minutes until she was practically weeping with unfilled lust, each time swearing that she couldn’t take any more but having the Dom prove her wrong) and some great predicament bondage (my favorite of which was a model who really wanted to orgasm, but also really wanted to have her breasts flogged and was forced to choose).

There are three other things that also set the site apart: 

  1. You can see everything available in the site without a login and only need an account to download the actual videos and photo zips.  This means you can fully preview all of their content before you buy.  (No more plunking down your credit card only to find a half-assed site with nothing that you were promised during the "free tour".)
  2. The producers run a real blog that talks about everything from their frustration at being stood up by models to how their spouses feel about the site to shopping at WalMart for pervertables (clothes pins, rope, packing tape, etc.)
  3. They offer a cash discount.  If you directly mail them your payment instead of going through their expensive credit card processing agency, they will pass the savings on to you.  (At the time of this writing, that means a discount of almost 50% off their monthly payment plan.)

The folks at Into the Attic have put together something really special.  Take a few minutes to drop by and check out what they have to offer.  You won’t be disappointed!

Updates and Site News Tue, 24 Jun 2008 20:10:39 +0000 Chris General Stuff FemDom Marriage Site Move Update:  The site has been kinda quiet during the last couple of weeks.  I was waiting until the server move to make a post, but it seems that it is a bigger deal than originally anticipated.  (Making my sub-domain my new primary address revealed a bug in the domain management software my service provider uses.  They have updated the software this past weekend, so hopefully I’ll be able to finish the move soon!)

D/s Marriage:  MJ is moving us more and more toward a full-time D/s relationship, one that we are both determined to handle correctly this time.  She finished Ms. Rika’s book and fortunately had the same reaction to it that I did, namely the section that lists all of the wrong ways to have a FemDom marriage.  (We were both amazed to see a pretty accurate description of our struggles last year in more than one of the examples.)

MJ asked me to prepare a list of devotions that I feel would be appropriate to both help Her and show my devotion as Her sub.  Sometime during the next week, we are planning to have another in-depth discussion so I can present my list and also see the list MJ has been working on.

Collar:  MJ also made a cryptic reference to my collar and asked me to make a few modifications to it.  First, I wanted to make it a solid piece of wire rope instead of using a collar extender in the back.  I also wanted to try and find a lock that doesn’t look like a lock.  (I work in a pretty conservative corporate environment and I got a few odd looks last year when people noticed how my "necklace" fastened.)

A couple of weeks ago, I found a Chinese jewelry box lock on eBay that is absolutely perfect!  It locks securely with a specially-shaped key, but doesn’t look like a lock at all.  We also hit Ace Hardware this weekend and picked up a length of 1/16" wire rope and a couple of crimp connectors so I can rethread the entire thing as a single piece.  I’ll post pictures of the collar and lock once I finish the work.

Baby & Getting Out:  Our baby just turned four months old and MJ and I have been trying to figure out how to get out of the house to go to the BDSM club we belong to downtown.  The old "dinner and a movie" excuse doesn’t really work because the club doesn’t open until 10 p.m., so trying to get one of our family members to babysit would invite questions that we don’t want to answer.  Fortunately, the college-age daughter of someone MJ knows is looking for some babysitting work as well as photography tutoring (and might even be willing to trade one for the other).  Hopefully this will pan out and we can get back into Chicago’s BDSM social scene!

Until Next Time / Coming Soon:  That’s all the news for now.  Hopefully, I’ll be able to get the blog moved to its new home sometime later this week.  I also want to start to post some BDSM fantasy pieces I’ve been writing in a new "Fantasy Fridays" segment.  If things keep moving as they are, I should have a lot more D/s news to report on a regular basis as well.  (Hurray!)

TMI Tuesday #139 Tue, 17 Jun 2008 18:19:29 +0000 Chris TMI Tuesdays

1. What’s your favorite color of lingerie?

Usually black, but it depends on who’s wearing it.  (MJ looks really good in reds and blues.)

2. Do you have a porn collection?

Oh, yes.  I’m actually in the process of paring it down since I felt a Terabyte of porn was a little excessive.  My current collection spans all genres, but generally focuses on BDSM and BBWs.

3. Do you have any fetishes?

Take a look around - what do you think?  *smile*  I’d list them here, but that would take all day.  My biggest is obviously BDSM followed by a love for big women.  Lately, I’ve been fixated on play piercing and needle play.  (I just can’t get it out of my mind and hope that MJ will someday be willing to let me experience that.)

4. What is your favorite place to have sex?

I honestly don’t have a favorite place.  I typically like the physical interaction itself to be the centerpiece of the experience, so where it takes place is secondary.  (With that said, I’d love to try sex in public or at least the limited public of the BDSM club we belong to.  Now that I’m used to (and enjoy) being exposed in public, my new exhibitionist side is curious about going "all the way" with an audience.)

5. Do you like to scratch, bite, pull hair, etc? Do you like having it done to you?

Love having it done to me!  When MJ pulls my hair, it immediately puts me into a completely submissive zone.  I also like it when she bites the back of my neck or uses those luscious nails of hers anywhere on my body.

Bonus (as in optional): Do you think the number of sexual partners you’ve had is below average, average, or above average, and how does that make you feel?

Above average.  I’m actually okay with that.  I know a couple of guys who have only ever had one partner and I feel sorry for them missing out on the amazing variety of sexual pleasures out there.