Starting a FemDom marriage in the Vanilla Kingdom

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TMI Tuesday #134

Hey, everyone!  It’s time once again for TMI Tuesday!

1. Is there a TV show you HAVE to watch? If so, what is it?

How I Met Your Mother.  I am a huge fan of Neil Patrick Harris and Allison Hannigan and love the writing.  (Granted, nothing has been able to match their spectacular first season, but it’s still great television.)

2. What is you favorite drink if you are going to drink more than one?

A really good Scotch.  If I’m drinking on the cheap, I go with Jack Daniels and 7-Up.

3. How long do you carry guilt around with you?

I tend to really internalize guilt and carry it around for a very long time.  I still get pangs from things that happened 20 years ago or more.  I really need to learn to let go a little better.

4. Where is or would be your number one romantic get away spot?

The BDSM club MJ and I belong to.  For more old school romance, there are some secluded cabins we like to rent that are a lovey-dovey couple’s paradise.

5. Have you ever seen a counselor?

Several and they all sucked.  Each one tried to change me to some generic ideal or drug my emotions away and none wanted me to embrace my true self or told me that my feelings were "wrong".  Now that I understand my needs as a submissive, I’ve never been happier!  (This site is a monument to that awakening - check out my About page for the full story.)

Bonus (as in optional): Last summer the Archives of Sexual Behavior the 237 reasons people have sex and the Top 50 Reasons Men and Women Have Sex. What are your top 5 reasons?

  • I enjoy how it makes me feel.
  • I like giving someone else pleasure.
  • I enjoy the intimate connection it creates.
  • I like being completely exposed to another person (body and soul).
  • I want babies!

Sugasm #131

The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #132? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form.

This Week’s Picks
“A bill outlawing the possession of “extreme pornography” is set to become law next week.”

M is for Mine
“You comment on my wetness.”

The Story Behind the Waxing
“I tend to go to people that I trust really know what they are doing when it comes to my pussy.”

Mr. Sugasm Himself
Keeley Hazell Regrets

Editor’s Choice
The sadistic impulse

Join the Sugasm

See also: Fleshbot’s Sex Blog Roundup each Tuesday and Friday.

Thoughts on Sex and Relationships
Being the Receiver…
Desperate boy.
A Parity of Madams and Whores
You say trannyboifag, I say trannyboifag

Sex Work
At Least My Vibrators Don’t Judge Me
Sex Worker Solidarity: Gracie

Erotic Writing and Experiences
Blowjob in the showers
Drunk and horny
Flash #1 - Greedy
Two Minutes and 52 Seconds
Unicorn Sighting

Sex & Politics
Um. Pornography is in focus?

NSFW Pics, Videos & Audio
Another Gratuitous Picture Post
Back with HNT!
Half-Nekkid at the Beach
Mirror Mirror
Monica - Drop On Jacuzzy
Pornsaint Kylie Ireland
Strange Sex Fantasies
Teen bobs on Ron Jeremy’s cock
Video: Long Distance Lovemaking

Sex News, Reviews & Interviews

Catalina loves Melvin Moten, Jr. (An interview with the fetish photographer behind

If You Were a Sex Toy, What Would You Be?
My IMsL 2008 Trip – Part 4
The Sexiest Form You Might Ever Fill Out
Shall We Play A Game?

BDSM & Fetish
Cerebral Trainee Subject: Susan
A day of torment (pt 2)
Dining Table Punishment Spanking
Dionysian Tales
Harmony Rose Is Dominated On The Training Of O
Other World Kingdom visit - Part 4
Submissive Little Darling
The Submissive Male Construct and Nice Guys
Weighty Matters

Sex Advice
A Little Lesson on Figging…
Sex Dates for Parents
Vaginal Fisting: What It Is and How to Do It

Panties and heels courtesy of Long-Distance Sub.

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Techie Stuff

Since I’m back to the blog full time, I’ve been blowing out the dust and cobwebs and finally getting around to some of the changes and enhancements I’ve been wanting to do:

Killing Timidboy

This site was originally named "Confessions of a Timid Boy" and much of this site is still tied to the original URL  I have worked out an arrangement with my service provider so I can transfer sub-Burbs to a new server in late May and finally let the old domain expire.  Starting in June, visitors to the original URL will get a message that the old domain is being retired which will last until it is no longer active.  This move will also give me a chance to update my installation of Wordpress to the latest version.

Dumping Flickr

Although I love Flickr, paying for a pro account for this site doesn’t make any sense given the low number of pictures I post over the course of a year.  I finally moved all of the pictures from the blog onto my server and then killed my Flickr membership.  Since that was the last thing tying me to my old timidboy Yahoo ID, I was finally able to delete that as well.  (If you ever need to download a bunch of pictures from Flickr, I highly recommend Gregg Man’s wonderful FlickrDown.  I was able to archive all of my pictures in about 3 minutes.)

Cleaning Up Links

I went though my Blogroll last week and removed a bunch of inactive blogs and updated the URLs of ones that moved.  I also nuked all of the "reciprocal links" to the adult blog directories.  (I never got a lot of traffic from them and I am better off forging personal relationships with other bloggers rather than just putting links in blog directories.) 

Resource Guide

I had a conversation last month with a local couple who were trying to start a D/s marriage of their own but did not know about the amazing BDSM community here in Chicago.  Once upon a time, I started to compile a resource guide of Chicago BDSM clubs, support groups, kinky book clubs, munches, and events and figured this was a sign that I should revive the project.  I’m hoping to have it up by month’s end.

The Story Thus Far

I spent some time over the last couple of weeks rereading everything I’ve written to date.  Some of it was really hard to get through and I found myself wanting to go back in time and smack myself silly for putting MJ through so much.  I decided at the time to write a longish post that covered the back story and linked to some of the important posts.  I put it up last week as a regular article and replaced my "About" page with the same text, then put the "New to the site?" banner at the top as a beacon for new visitors.

Chaste Counter

I used to have a little clock showing how many days had passed since my last release.  Since I’m not currently under enforced chastity, I removed the clock.  I’m partially expecting MJ to reinstate the rule eventually, so that may come back eventually.

Category Cleanup

Most of the site categories don’t really make sense any longer, so I’m thinking about modifying them or moving to a tag-based system for filing articles.


I considered putting some ads on the site to help defray the costs of hosting the site, but decided it’s not really time for that yet.  My efforts to drive up readership are come from a desire to reach out to other subs who are going through the same personal crisis I was facing last year and show them that you can find happiness as long as you’re true to yourself.  (I also hope to help them learn from my mistakes!)  Ads seem to turn a lot of people off immediately and I also feel they will cloud my true intentions for the site (helping people versus making money).



It’s a lot of work overall, but this site is a labor of love and I cherish the writing I get to do here!

One good note - as part of my site overhaul, I took at peek at the visitor stats for the last couple of months.  I had expected a major drop off due to the long hiatus, but I was nicely surprised!  I’ve only lost about 18% of my unique visitors during the time I was away and they seem to be coming back now that I’ve returned to posting regularly!  (If the hits from last week keep up, I may even surpass my previous high point!)

So, to all of you out there:  Thank you so much for taking the time to stop by and be a part of this journey!

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Weighty Matters

A couple of weeks ago, MJ put me back on my diet and exercise program.  My weigh in on Sunday showed I lost 5 pounds during my first week!  If I keep up at this rate, I’ll be down to my target weight by the end of year.

I posted before about the fact that I’m really comfortable at my current size (which, as of Sunday, was 308 pounds) and don’t have any negative feelings about how I look.

With that said, I’ve been coming up with reasons why I should lose the weight and get fit.  It helps me to have positive things I can focus on when I’m doing something that really tests my will (like working across the street from Potbelly’s and Chipotle, for instance). 

Here’s what I have thus far:

SelfPortrait1990 MJ:  The picture to the right is how I looked when MJ met me.  This was taken 18 years ago shortly after I got out of boot camp.  (The Navy should know better than to leave horny, kinky guys alone in a photo lab full of portrait studio equipment!)  Although MJ is far too classy to ever say it, she has hinted that she would love for me to be physically sexy again.  If I really am dedicated to serving my Mistress, shouldn’t looking the part be a consideration?  (Not to mention the thrill of having someone you love look at you with that animal, physical lust in their eyes.)

Besides, if I looked even close to that again, I’d probably turn into a complete exhibitionist begging to be bound naked in crowed play spaces.  (I have this fantasy about being hooded or blindfolded in a crowed room, then led to a spot and told to strip without knowing how many of those people are still there.) 

lace1-tb MJ has also said that she would really love to show me off at The Club and, knowing her flair for the dramatic, I have a feeling that she would string me up in the middle of the room in a very dramatic (and exposing) manner if my form was more universally appealing.  (Some people really dig "bears", but I know that feeling isn’t universal.) 

One thing MJ has specifically mentioned is tying me down to their awesome lacing table and doing all sorts of wonderfully horrible things to me.  I have a feeling that being at MJ’s mercy while she was trying to draw a crowd would be a very interesting experience.

Health:  Now that I’m a parent, I want to stick around as long as possible especially since we started our family so late.  Getting in shape would be a great way to add years on to my life.  (My dad is really heavy and has tons of health issues that probably wouldn’t have been an issue if he had been in better shape.  I’d rather be working on it now rather than regretting not doing so when it is too late.)

Penis Size:  From what I’ve read, you gain an inch of length for every 30 pounds you lose.  This is especially true for guys who carry their weight low in the belly like I do.  That means a three-inch gain once I get down to my target weight!  (Don’t get me wrong - I’m not hung up on size at all.  I just love CBT and would love to give MJ a larger canvas to work with!)

Flexibility:  Being in shape means being more flexible which means more creative bondage options.  It also opens up all sorts of sex positions (especially ones where MJ can ride on top) and BDSM possibilities (like suspension bondage).  These are tough now because of my body shape, lack of flexibility, and weight.  (They have an awesome suspension winch at The Club that we have been assured could lift a Volkswagen, but neither MJ or I wanted to put it to the test.)

Style:  I love to "suit up".  Nothing makes me feel sexier than putting on nice clothes and strutting through a club or hotel lobby.  When you are as big as I am, really nice clothes come at a premium.  If I could buy off the rack at places like H&M (or, actually, just about every store at the mall), I could become a total clothes horse without spending a fortune.  This also goes for fetish wear - leather and latex are normally pricey, but in my size things like harnesses are nearly always custom order items.

Now all I have to do is make it happen!  I’ve been going to the gym every morning before work.  Right now, I’m easing back into things with power walking on the treadmill.  (I’ve been doing 2 miles a day at a pretty good pace.)  Once my legs are back into a little better shape, I plan on doing cardio 7 days a week and then doing weight training every other day.

As I keep shrinking, I’ll take pictures along the way and share them later this summer.  I know this won’t be an easy process, but with the motivation above and MJ’s encouragement I know I can do it this time. 

Of course, I do have to stop thinking about that lacing table when I’m mid-workout.  Erections are really hard to hide in gym shorts…

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Are You Being Served?

This past Sunday, I spent part of the day teaching MJ how to mow the lawn.

Before she went on maternity leave, MJ worked for a very small company downtown and they decided not to keep her job open while she was gone.  We discussed the situation and MJ expressed her desire to be a stay at home mom, something she has dreamed about for a very long time.  We should be able to swing it financially (I do pretty well at the firm where I work and projects for my small web development company have been steadily picking up) and it makes me incredibly happy to be able to provide something so special for MJ, so it was an easy thing to say "yes" to.

What has thrown me personally for a loop, however, is that MJ wants to become a domestic Goddess and take care of all the cleaning, cooking, shopping, and even yard work.  She believes that, since I am working hard to make her dream situation come true, my weekends should be free of "honey do" lists and instead be focused on having fun and spending time with my family.

While most husbands would be high-fiving themselves at such an amazing gesture, this is actually a hard thing to balance for a service sub like me.

With no housework left, what else is there for me to do?

I had a talk with MJ about this over the weekend.  While I know that what MJ wants is what I need to work to provide (thank you, Ms. Rika!), part of me felt like I was being stripped of all my methods of devotion.  Fortunately, MJ anticipated this and had some fantastic ideas to bridge the gap.

MJ did mention a bunch of things I can do to serve her, most of which would be much more intimate and enjoyable than normal housework.  They included giving her foot rubs and full-body massages (including attending some massage classes at our local community college), performing pedicures and manicures, and bathing her.

Our talk made me incredibly happy for many reasons.  First, it showed me once again that MJ really understands my needs as a service sub and is willing to work with me to help me fulfill them.  (I know this isn’t supposed to be about me in any way, but now that I’ve finally embraced my nature as a service sub I long to be able to wait on and provide for MJ.  It would be really tough for me to ignore that once again.)

Her suggestions also really lit a fire in me because of the erotic nature of the tasks themselves.  Bathing my Mistress?  Delicately painting Her toenails and rubbing lotion into Her feet?  Just the thought of these things makes me feel like a manservant waiting on his Queen!

So, I get to hang up mundane housework and spend my weekends playing with my daughter and then worshiping and pampering my Mistress?  How the hell did I get so lucky?  Given where I was just over a year ago, I still can’t believe my amazing fortune. 

Of course, my gratitude just makes me want to work that much harder to please my Miss!

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TMI Tuesday #133

Hello!  Time again for another TMI Tuesday!

1. How many cell phones have you had? How long have you had your current cell phone number?
Seven or eight.  My current cell phone is one provided by work and I’ve had it for about four years now.

2. Where was the last place you had sex?
In the bedroom.  While the location may seem mundane, the sex was anything but!

 3. On a scale of 1-10, how satisfied are you with your love life? (1 is lowest, 10 is highest)
8 at the moment, but only because MJ and I are still getting back up to speed after the birth of our daughter.  We did have "relations" three times last week, so I can’t complain about anything!

4. Does Bliss sound like a fun game to you? Have you ever played it?
First - this seems like product placement in TMI Tuesday which is something I’m not thrilled about.  As for the game itself, MJ and I have tried a series of these types of games and never seem to have as much fun with them as we do with our own games.  It might be great for couples trying to get out of a rut, but MJ’s wicked imagination keeps me on my toes most of the time without the help of these types of games.

5. Is there anything or anyone you would be willing to die for?
I would put myself between a fatal situation and my wife and / or daughter without even blinking.

Bonus (as in optional): If you were (or had) a magic genie and could only grant wishes for others and you only had three left, what would they be and who would they be for?
1.  Grant good health and good fortune for my daughter.

2.  The same wish as #1, but for my wife.

3.  That all the various religions and sects in the Middle East would find a way to peacefully coexist.


Sugasm #130

The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #131? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form.

This Week’s Picks
Gross Spelling Errors Turn Me Off
“Here are a few other word issues that come up in sex writing that throw me off and drive me crazy.”

“I want time to sip my whisky, to drink you in as you unveil yourself, as you offer your body to my steady gaze.”

Learning My Limits (Part 1)
“It hurts. It’s gorgeous. ”

Mr. Sugasm Himself
24-Months of AVN Online, $0

Editor’s Choice
The Few, The Proud, The Pornless

Join the Sugasm

See also: Fleshbot’s Sex Blog Roundup each Tuesday and Friday.

BDSM & Fetish
Catching Up on the Back Story
Cut to the chaste
A date with Lumpo
Damaged Lovers
Desire beyond reason but within bounds
Follow My Rules-Part 1
His Slut
It’s just a through and through
Messy Kitchen Figging and Thrashing Video
On fire
Points of Order
The Promise
What a way to start the day!

Sex News, Reviews & Interviews
Leave It to Beaver
Masturbation Month Is Here!
New At Nuts4chic - Pick Up Lines That Make You Groan
New Jimi Hendrix SEX Tape out Now!!
Rascal Wear Leather Wrist And Ankle Cuffs Review
Sex Toy Review of The Rude Boy For Babeland

NSFW Pics, Videos & Audio
Audrey Bitoni and Angela
Bedroom Radio #14 “Sex 2.0 and Spanking”
Half-Nekkid on Silky Pillow Cases
Half-Nekkid Thursday: Flashing the Neighbors
Pictures ( a bed & 2 guys!)
Sasha Grey (Goddess)
Scarlett Johansson - Fucking Hot Babe in Red

Sex Advice
Putting the “Play” Back into Playing with Yourself
Strap-Ons 101

Erotic Writing and Experiences
I want….
A Perfect Ten
Possibly the best, so far
Tease and Denial are NOT Reciprocal
Under My Thumb

Sex Work
Reality Check: Asshole Clients

Thoughts on Sex and Relationships
Am I or Aren’t I?
Green eyed monster
The Inevitable

Half-Nekkid Thursday courtesy of Tara Tainton.

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Book Review - Uniquely Rika

urbook The top shelf of MJ’s toy cabinet is lined with books, so I’m a little surprised that I’ve never gotten around to doing a book review until now.

Part of the reason I’m starting now is that we just picked up a book that is, by far, the most informative book about the D/s dynamic and how to incorporate it into a relationship that I’ve ever read.

The full title of the book is "Uniquely Rika: A Practical, No-Nonsense Approach to a Fulfilling Female-Led, Service-Oriented Dominance and Submission-Based Relationship" and it was penned by Domme Ms. Rika who has maintained her own Femdom marriage for the past 20 years.

Ms. Rika really understands the needs of service subs.  I consider myself in this category and love that special connection when you are able to pamper and take care of the needs of a Domme.  Where her take differs from other views I’ve encountered is that service should be its own reward.  In other words, the reward for a sub who does good service is to be in service in the first place.

An extension of this is her view that scene play and sexual tension (including tease and denial and chastity) are gifts that a Domme can give to a sub but not tied to their primary service in any way.  By offering up gifts instead of rewards a Domme avoids creating a "tit for tat" environment where the sub expects some sort of sexual payment for services rendered.

This was actually a really new take for me on the D/s dynamic, but after some reflection I believe it truly is the key to a successful service-based D/s relationship.  The pleasure for a sub should come from the act of serving.  If not, then you really aren’t a service sub and any long-term relationship built on those principals is bound to fail.

Ms. Rika also points out that every D/s relationship needs a solid vanilla relationship or marriage as a foundation.  This can include, in her opinion, the sub initiating sex if that is something pleasing for the Domme.  MJ enjoys it when I initiate sex and that was something that always seemed weird to me within our D/s relationship.  I’m the sub, right?  It should be the Domme who decides when and how much since she is in charge and not lowly little me.

I think this new approach can actually help me get over that mental hurdle.  If MJ desires me to be more aggressive in the bedroom from time to time, I’m still the sub providing a desired service. 

Finally, despite her view that scene play and orgasm denial are games gifted for the sake of the sub, Ms. Rika gives some fantastic advice and guidelines for these male-centric sexual activities.  Some of the orgasm denial and timed orgasm games are wonderful and I’m hoping MJ will see fit to try some of them out on me!

As I said above, this is the only book I’ve seen that really addresses the realities of forming a long-term D/s relationship and I highly recommend it for any couples who are working toward that goal.  It’s also a great read for any service sub as Ms. Rika explains the core concepts of service and what being a service sub really means.

"Uniquely Rika" is currently available via Amazon, Barnes & Noble,  and Lulu.  Samples of some of the book’s topics can be found on Ms. Rika’s website (where she also runs a discussion forum for those interested in D/s relationships).

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Catching Up on the Back Story

In the coming weeks, I’m going to be doing a lot to promote the blog.  I’ve also noticed an influx of new readers thanks to my return to the Sugasm feed.

Because of this, I wanted to create a summary of the story thus far.  The crucial events that started all of this are over a year away now and you need some of that information to appreciate the on-going narrative.

There’s also the issue of the massive volume of content.  As part of this project, I dumped the entire blog into a single document and printed it out - it was 192 pages single spaced!  (I had no idea there was that much stacked up in the archive.)

So, in the interest of catching everyone up and highlighting the crucial posts that make up the heart of this site, here is "sub-Burbs: The Cliff Notes Edition":

The (very) short version:

Just after New Year’s Day 2007, I finally embraced my need to be a submissive.  The problem is that I was married and chose to live out this realization with a Domme I met on the Internet instead of my wife.  In April of that same year, I confessed my affair to my wife and, in an outcome that shocked me completely, She decided to allow me to serve Her and became Miss Jacqueline (MJ).  Ever since, we’ve been working toward balancing our D/s lifestyle with our vanilla marriage and the birth of our daughter in early 2008.

The long version:

The road that brought me to this point was not only a really rocky one, but also an incredibly well documented one.  I was writing every single day chronicling the near destruction of my marriage and my intense struggles as I tried to come to terms with who and what I was.

Over time, the site became the portrait of a lost man as he tried to reconnect with his wife after a horrible betrayal and his redemption through service.  I’ve kept the entire story here (with the blessing of MJ) as a lesson to those who are on the same path I was in the hopes that they may learn from my mistakes.


These posts document my history from my first sexual awakening to my first submissive inklings to my first steps into BDSM.

Mistress Trecia

Fast forward to 2006.  My wife and I weren’t exactly on the rocks, but our sex life was nonexistent.  I had gone to a shrink and was put on antidepressants which just made me feel like I was sitting still watching life fly by.  I wasn’t sad anymore, I just was and nothing more.

In the late part of that year, I was looking for some erotic audio to entertain myself and stumbled across the podcast of Mistress Trecia.  She was an Internet Domme who specialized in "tease and denial", something I had never previously experienced but was immediately drawn to.

I won’t even pretend to understand what made me send those first nervous e-mails in January 2007.  I do remember thinking that I was just reaching out to better understand the BDSM side of my sexuality and that there was no way anything over the Internet could have any major impact on my life.

I was, of course, horribly, horribly wrong.

The bottled up submissive inside myself that I had managed to hide for 10 years came rushing out and I completely lost control of the situation.  No one put a gun to my head - I fully admit they were my own bad decisions.  However, I was swept up in a rush of emotion and lust and temporarily lost myself.

I worked out a financial arrangement where I was paying Mistress Trecia a monthly fee so I could get regular webcam and phone sessions and be in constant contact with her.

Right around that time, I started this blog as a tribute to my new Mistress.  Due to the nervous nature of my first e-mails to Mistress Trecia, she dubbed me her "timid boy" and I immediately adopted that as my on-line alter ego.  I registered and named my blog "Confessions of a Timid Boy - My Journey Into Subspace".  I was assigned the task of writing daily as a tribute, but the writing for me became a way to think out loud and to process the rush of emotions I was experiencing.

"The Wife"

Right around this time, I stopped taking my anti-depressants and told my wife I had found a radical new counselor who was going to help me find myself again. 

In order to hide my new relationship, I found all sorts of ways to lie to my wife.  My denial was so deep that I blogged on several occasions about my hope that someday Mistress Trecia and my wife would work together so I could remain happily married and a sub at the same time.

The Trip

Within a few weeks of first contacting Mistress Trecia, I decided I was going to travel up to Minnesota and visit her in person.  I told my wife that this new counselor of mine was holding a retreat for some of her patients and that it would be helpful and therapeutic for me.  I had to keep spinning lie after lie in order to make it work, but I was so deep into the relationship with Mistress Trecia that I never considered the eventual cost of all this selfish deception I was using to get what I wanted.

On March 28, 2007, I drove from Chicago to Minneapolis and spent five days with Mistress Trecia.  Just so you don’t think I’m a complete monster, I did have several crying jags racked with guilt throughout the week during times I was alone in my hotel room reflecting on the insane situation I had put myself in.  The blog was supposed to be a devotion to Mistress Trecia in those days, so I didn’t blog about any of my guilt or doubt. 

The Fallout

After I returned from my trip, I continued my service to Mistress Trecia, but had finally realized that I couldn’t keep up my double life.  I had to confront my wife and discuss what was going on.

I started with more lies (always a great way to start a new relationship) and "came out" about my submissive nature without telling her I was already in the service of a professional Domme.  I was still clinging to the insane idea that somehow Mistress Trecia and my wife were going to team up someday.

On April 21, 2007 (our 16th wedding anniversary), my wife told me that she had given it a lot of thought and that she wanted to be my Domme.  Rather than embrace her, I regarded her with suspicion thinking that she was just trying to hold on to me by any means necessary and got incredibly mean and nasty during the ensuing fight.  (The real irony here was that my wife trusted me enough to let me travel to Minnesota to attend a "counseling seminar" with a woman she didn’t know and I didn’t trust her enough to accept her word that she was willing to embrace D/s to help complete me.)

The following day, cooler heads prevailed and we discussed D/s in greater detail and I realized that she was honestly interested in trying out a D/s marriage for both our sakes.  During that talk I realized that in order to serve my wife I’d have to say goodbye to Mistress Trecia, so I asked her to release me from my service immediately thereafter.

On April 24th, I confessed everything to my wife and gave her the URL to my blog.  She seemed to take it pretty well, but once she started reading the full depth of my betrayal came to light and she was rightly incredibly angry.  (She ended up staying up the entire night and reading the blog in one 8-hour sitting.)

After a rough couple of days, we started to reconnect and MJ decided that she still wanted to give a full-time D/s marriage a try.  MJ locked a steel collar around my neck (one that looked like a necklace so I could wear it 24/7) and I became her servant.  The days that followed in the summer of 2007 was an amazing time in our relationship.  We ventured out into the local BDSM community in Chicago, joined a private BDSM club in the city, and even traveled to Colorado together to attend Thunder in the Mountains.

During that time, I dropped my original blog name and design and it became sub-Burbs, a celebration of our Femdom marriage.

Baby Makes Three

In July 2007, we discovered that MJ was pregnant.  We had been trying for years and this was a complete unplanned shock and surprise.  After we returned from Thunder, we had a long talk about the fate of our D/s arrangement now that she was pregnant (and with a high-risk pregnancy at that). 

After an emotional discussion, MJ released me and removed my collar.  The blog went dark for weeks at a time as we went back to our normal marriage.  This time, however, things were different.  The amazing summer we spent together brought us a lot closer and made me fall in love with MJ in a whole new way.  Despite getting engaged three months after a chance encounter when we were 19, we actually are perfect for each other.   We were both confident that our D/s lives would resume in some fashion after the baby came.

Our daughter was born in February 2008 and once MJ had recovered from the difficult process of giving birth, we had a long talk about our D/s future.  We are still figuring things out, but we have reconnected sexually and both agree that there is a place in our lives for D/s and that we are committed to finding the right balance to make us both happy. 

Stay tuned as our story continues…

I’m happy to answer any questions either privately or in the site’s comments.  You can reach me directly at


Good Morning!

Last Thursday, I was startled awake by MJ reaching into my PJ bottoms and grabbing my cock.

Yeah - good morning to you too! 

We’ve really started to reconnect sexually which is a wonderful thing.  I was so afraid that our hiatus while MJ was pregnant then recovering from having the baby was going to set us back a great deal, but things have been great between us.

Especially, it seems, this particular morning!

When I opened my eyes and rolled over, I saw that MJ was already naked and quickly followed suit.  I stripped down and rolled over to her, sliding a hand between Her legs to gently stroke Her clit.  (Given our past discussions, I figured MJ was just looking for a little vanilla intimacy which suited me just fine.)

MJ and I started kissing passionately and She offered up Her breasts for me to nuzzle and suck all the while moaning as She responded to my steady petting.  It wasn’t long before She hit her first orgasm and then told me to climb on top and give Her what She really wanted.

Now - MJ knows full well about an issue I have in the morning.  Until I pee, I can’t cum.  (Actually, even then I sometimes have issues first thing in the morning.)  Thanks to the Morning Wood Syndrome, however, I stay rock hard.

This issue became incredibly apparent as our love making continued.  MJ got more and more aroused, grabbing my hair and rocking in time to my thrusts, but I could tell that any orgasm was a long way off for me.  Once She reached her second orgasm, I stopped to catch my breath and She told me that this could be very useful for Her as a Mistress.  "Just think - I could have you fuck Me, then kneel before Me and stroke your cock, then fuck Me again, then stroke again, never having to worry about you cuming!"

God, how I love that wonderfully devious mind of Hers…

Finally, I had to stop and get ready for work and MJ took mercy and said I was free to release that night when I got home.  It still meant an entire day with my thoughts wrapped up thoughts of MJ’s silky skin, dark eyes, and her power over me.

Which, actually, wasn’t a bad place to be…

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